Suntana's Blog Trek

I thought I had settled on another topic to write this weekend's Post. So, literally 5 or so minutes before Writing Showtime, I went to get me a quick Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich. What's this? Crap! Confound it, Batman! There is no bread! Fugg! Red Alert! Defcon 5! Houston, we have a problem! But, wait. Clint Eastwood's Gunny Highway used to say in Heartbreak Ridge that we have to improvise, adapt … overcome. So, I quickly switched from writing fuel of a Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich … to a Cottage Cheese & sprinkling of Tuna Fish Burrito. I'm good to go now. We have Lift Off ... now with a totally different topic than before the Cottage Cheese Burrito.

In tonight's story, I'll take you all back to sometime in the 80s. I had been sent on a 2-week Training Class to Memphis, TN. Things were already not starting out favorably. I had already been fighting a slight Cold or Allergies for a couple of weeks. I arrived there on a Sunday night. I had to share a room with some stranger, a dude from Cincinnati who was also gonna be in the Training Classes. As time would go on, we never really got along.

On Tuesday, it was raining slightly. Come lunchtime, I had no choice, but to walk out to lunch. My getting wet apparently triggered the slight Cold / Allergies I already had … into a full-blown annoyance that would hound me the rest of my 2 weeks there.

Sick as I was, on Sunday after my 1st week there, I decided I had to embark on the inevitable trip to the ole Mississippi River, which had been recommended to me. I reviewed my map. I then got plenty of Kleenex tissues and with map in hand, headed on out to the river. Yep … walking. It didn't look that far on the map. Mmm Hmm, famous last thought that would later haunt me.

Midway to the river, I noticed this Convenience Store on the same side of the street on which I was walking. In front of the store, I scoped out these 2 guys. Yep, entering into the picture, I present to you --- The Riffraff. They were acting very suspiciously. They kept looking in my direction and then talking with each other as if plotting who knows what? I was officially worried … Okay, frightened. I was like, "Oh, Shit! WTF have I gotten myself into? I am sick. I have no business walking down an unknown deserted street on a Sunday in some unfamiliar neighborhood in a city in which I've never been. I should have stayed at the hotel." Serious thoughts were beginning to enter my mind that I was possibly going to get mugged. If not officially mugged, certainly I'd be threatened into handing over my wallet. I tried to act all nonchalant and show no fear, yet make it clear that I HAD noticed them and was not off guard. Of course, I was petrified by then. I began to wonder what I should do. Should I abort my trip down to the river? Should I do it ever so casually or should I turn abruptly and run as fast as I could? If those 2 guys were indeed genuine Riffraff, would that trigger them into chasing me?

Right or wrong, I decided my best option was to keep feigning no fear and keep on moving forward because I figured once the by now seemingly inevitable confrontation of some type went down, it'd be in front of the Convenience Store. The Riffraff wouldn't dare be bold enough to mug me right there, would they? The thought crossed my mind that once there at the store, I should probably call a Taxi.

The Showdown at the Not So Okay Corral was now upon me. Yup, the 2 Riffraff dudes actually went out of their way to go meet me on my path. I took a deep breath, gulped … and wondered why my last name couldn't have been Norris. After all, I was already Carlos, just like Chuck Norris' real name is Carlos. Okay, so I didn't actually wonder that. But, it certainly would have come in handy. I could have uttered a Chuck Norris type of line, "Okay, Tough Guys, you wanna take me on?" Alright, back from my digression of what might have been. The 2 Riffraff dudes WERE some rough-edged looking guys. One of the guys goes, "Hey, man, could you spare some money? We're from over across the river in West Memphis. We're trying to get back over there, but we have no money for bus fare." At that instant, I had to do some quick thinking. What would be the right course of action? Should I give them money? If so, how much? $5.00? $10.00? Would that then show that I have money and thus green light their Mugging Operation? Or should I claim I didn't have money? If so, would they in turn think I was lying and thus get pissed off and thus green light their Mugging Operation anyway? Damn! It was a conundrum of Texas-sized proportions. What to do … what to do? Whatever I decided, it had to be quick before they got the feeling I was daring to have the nerve to lie to them and deny them their rightfully-earned panhandling money.

I REALLY didn't want to get my wallet out. I felt that would have been too tempting for the Riffraff. So, I remembered that I had a little bit of money in my pocket, probably about $3.00. I reached into my pocket and grabbed whatever was in there and told the Riffraff, "That's all I have." I handed the money to them and started walking faster, still towards the river. Pretending to be looking at the sights and such, I snuck peeks behind me to see if I wasn't going to be followed. After about a block, I walked to the other side of the street and kept walking fast.

I made it to the Mississippi River. I managed to find a Payphone down there. I was like, "Yay! I'm saved! I'm free from this foolish nightmare, which I got myself into." My joy was then shattered when I realized the Payphone didn't have a Dial Tone. Crap! I looked at my map to plan my route back to the hotel. I certainly wasn't going to go back the same way I came. I started my journey back. I noticed another Payphone outside of a Burger King. But, again, that one also had no Dial Tone. Son of the BEACH! I decided to get a little bit to eat there at the Burger King while I pondered what to do cuz I had officially lost the edge like Cougar on Top Gun. Finally it dawned on me, "Wait a minute! Maybe I'm supposed to put the money in the Payphone FIRST and THEN it'll give me a Dial Tone. I went back outside to the Payphone and tried that out. YES! I now had Dial Tone. I called a Taxi even though I was practically at my hotel already. But, I didn't want to take any more chances running into shady characters. Aside of some frazzled nerves, I made it back to my hotel intact.