Suntana's Blog Trek

The impetus for my Post this weekend is that my good friend, the OC's great Dr. Jen (Javaen) was under the weather last week and I believe is still even now trying to shake off the remnants of whatever body-intruding, physical Blah-inducing Gremlins she's been fighting. No, really, she's a Doctor. Dr. Jen has a PhD in Funology and a PhD in Quirkynomics. We can't go around having our CFC operating at a less than optimum Quirky level. No, No, this has nothing to do with Chlorofluorocarbons. I mean CFC as in Chief Fun Coordinator. So, I remembered about what had to be the quickest, most effective cure for being under the weather that I ever encountered. Well, it was either that or it was the biggest coincidence in the history of coincidences. This Post was actually supposed to have been last week's Post. I was already into writing it last Saturday night when I realized I wasn't thoroughly prepared. I wasn't – In the Zone. Then I wondered if Jen was possibly the one who told me she was a Vegetarian. If so, it would probably render my Post useless. Then I suddenly got an attack of somnolence. I went and laid down on the couch to "rest" and re-energize. Uh Hmmm. I woke up 2½ hours later … ½ hour after midnight. Well, that assured that Post project was now officially aborted. Now that I ascertained that Jen is NOT a Vegetarian and with me now better prepared, not only will I finish what I started, but I'll again treat y'all to a Double Feature at the Suntana's Blog Trek Drive-In. It is SHOWTIME!


The One Cure Wonder Burger

It was one brutal, COLD January day back in the 90s sometime. I woke up really sick with a Cold. I was in very bad shape. I was getting progressively worse as the day went on. I had pretty much every symptom you could associate with a Cold. Yep, I had the works. I was weak and getting weaker. I had the chills and they were getting worse. I had a headache and that was getting more painful. I was lightheaded. I was not hungry, but when lunchtime came around, I figured I had to force myself to eat something so as to help my body fight the Cold and hopefully slow down the getting weaker bit. It was a chore, but I managed to microwave me a little can of peas. Eating those peas was an arduous task. I was eating them probably 3 peas at a time, very unenthusiastically. On the plus side, my peas for lunch meal didn't make me throw up or anything like that. On the negative side, it didn't faze my Cold one bit.

Having been freshly-denied any improvement by the Fugging inconsiderate Son of a BEACH Cold, I had no choice, but to tough it out watching TV. I was fighting a losing battle. The weather was getting colder. I was getting sicker. It was around 7:00PM. I couldn't shake the chills. They were so bad that I had the Heater on full blast. I was bundled up, wearing on top a T-Shirt, a Sweatshirt, a Heavy Jacket with Hood pulled over my head … as I sat in front of the oven turned on with the door open. And I was still cold. Not having eaten anything since the Peas for lunch, I decided I'd better force something else down. I decided I should try some REAL food this time. So, the nearby Whataburger came to mind. It was actually theoretically within walking distance albeit I never walked there. However I now had a dilemma. I was afraid to drive there because I was so lightheaded and dizzy. By the same token, I was afraid to walk there because what if I passed out on the way there, in the dark? I decided --- "Fugg It! I'll drive there."

I made it to the Whataburger without incident. I embarked on slowly, but gradually consuming my Double Meat with Cheese Whataburger. Mysteriously, inexplicably or maybe just coincidentally, seemingly with every slow bite, I started feeling better. My headache, lightheadedness and dizziness started subsiding. I started getting stronger. Well, you know … I wasn't yet ready to challenge Superman or The Hulk to an arm wrestling match, but I was feeling better. My chills were beginning to be neutralized and I started to feel Hot. Sooo Hot that had Sandra Bullock known me back then, she would have been all over me! But, seriously, I now felt the OTHER kind of Hot. Little by little, I removed layers of my bundled up status. No more oven on with the door open and I eventually turned off the Heater. Yep, within 30 minutes of starting to eat my Whataburger, I was like James Brown's song says – "I Feel Good … Ta Da Da Da Da Da Da!"

Was the Whataburger Double Meat with Cheese responsible for this incredibly speedy recovery? Time would tell. The next time I got a Cold, I tried the Whataburger potential remedy. Verdict? Nnnnggg, didn't work this time. I guess it was just a One Hit Wonder … a One Cure Wonder. But, you should try it, Jen. You haven't used up your ONE allotment of Whataburger Double Meat with Cheese curing magic.

Suntana Takes Down the Whataburger

Now for the 2nd part of the Double Feature. It was a Sunday morning. I had my mind and stomach all psyched up and set on having myself two Breakfast On Buns and Hash Browns. I can just see your smirks and hear your snickers as y'all think of Breakfast on BUNs like when we razzed Zaph because of her putting her Buns in the oven. Interesting, quirky and ear-to-ear smile-eliciting experience as that may have been, no, I did NOT have breakfast on some Hot-BODed Babe's Buns. Nah! The Breakfast On Bun Rancheros that I ordered were Scrambled Egg & Bacon or Sausage sandwiches with Salsa.

Anyway, immediately upon entering that same Whataburger joint as in the 1st part of my Double Feature, my mood changed from excited and ravenous … to, "Awww Fugg! Not this Shit again!" The place was unfortunately NOT a No Smoking place. I am VERY much Anti-Smoking. It bugs me to no end. My eyes might not be what they used to be, but my sense of smell is keener than probably what it was even in my youth. Someone smoking while I eat will just exacerbate my Pissed Off status. I had barely ordered, but while I waited for my order, one worker girl was on her break, smoking in the eating area. Very quickly, she finished and proceeded to go back to work. I was very much watching her to see if she was going to wash her hands. She didn't go into the restroom. As she went back into the kitchen area, I was still following her every move. At no time did she wash her hands. She went from smoking to proceeding to make my Breakfast On Buns.

I was officially enraged. I had to say something, but how would I bring it up? They eventually brought my order and I guess I just froze. Nothing came out. I took my order back to my place. I tried to calm myself down as I tried to talk myself into that it wasn't THAT big a deal. I took about 2 bites out of one of my Breakfast On Buns, but it didn't work. I threw my entire breakfast in the trash as I declared, "NO! This is Bullshit! I can't eat this contaminated Crap! That was wrong! The girl making anyone's food without washing her hands after smoking is unacceptable!" I called up the Whataburger and asked for the Manager. I reported the incident. The Manager said he would handle it. Interestingly enough, less than a month after that incident, that Whataburger was closed. I was like, "Whoa! I wonder if the Smoking incident had anything to do with that?" Well, not likely as no Manager is going to go report his / her own place to the Health Department. But, it was still a strange coincidence.