Hm
Friday, 29. August 2008, 14:43:50
Really didn't realize anyopne ever read this. My mistake.
Won't be using this as much I guess...
Won't be using this as much I guess...
Wake Up Lying in a Patch of Four Leaf Clover...
Thursday, 28. August 2008, 21:37:55
I can't imagine all the people that you know
And the places that you go
When the lights are turned down low
And I don't understand
All the things you've seen
But I'm slipping in between
You and your big... dreams
It's always you and my big dreams
And you tell me
That it's over
Wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clover
And your restless
And I'm naked
You've got to get out
You can't stand to see me shaking
No, could you let me go
I didn't think so
And you don't want to be here in the future
So you say
The present's just a pleasant
Interruption to the past
And you don't want to look much closer
'Cause you're afraid to find out all the hope
That you had sent into the sky by now had... crashed
And it did because of me
And then you bring me home
Afraid to find out that you're alone, no
And I'm sleeping in your living room
But we don't have much room
To live
And I had dreams that I would learn to play guitar
Maybe cross the country
Become a rockstar
And there was hope in me
That I could take you there
But dammit you're so young
But I don't think I care
And if I hurt you then I'm sorry
Please don't think that this was easy
And then you bring me home
'Cause we both know what its like to be alone, no
And I'm dreaming in your living room
But we don't have much room
To live
Konstantine came walking down the stairs
Doesn't she look good
Standing in her underwear?
And I've been thinking, and I've thinking, no
But she's been drinking
And it doesn't get me anywhere
My Konstantine came walking down the stairs
And all that I could do
Was touch her long blond hair
And I was thinking, what I was thinking ya know
We've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere
This is because I can spell confusion with a K
and I like it
It's to dying in another's arms
And why I had to try it
It's to jimmy eat world
And those nights in my car
But this time I'm alone, and I don't see those stars
I'm not your star?
Isn't that what you said
What you thought this song meant
You thought this song meant
And if this is what it takes
Just to lie in my mistakes
And live with what I did to you
And all the hell I put you through
I always catch the clock it's 11:11
And now you want to talk
It's not hard to dream
You'll always be my Konstantine
They'll never hurt you like I do
No, They'll never hurt you like I do
No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No
This is to a girl who got into my head
With all these pretty things she did
Hey Baby, You know that you keep me up in bed
It's to a girl who got into my head
With all the fucked up things I did
Hey maybe baby, you could keep me up in bed
My Konstantine
Spin around me like a dream
We played out on this movie screen
And I said,
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
God, I miss you
And then you bring me home
And we'll go to sleep but this time not alone, no no,
And you'll kiss me in your living room, oh
And you see, no, that I've been missing in my Living room
Cause this is what I miss, what I miss
We don't have much room
I said, does anybody need that room?
Because we all need a little more room
To live
My Konstantine
I don't know why this song feels so right rght now. Some songs just do that. I suppose life is unexpected sometimes... I mean, one minute, you're the happiest you've ever been. Comfortable in this skin, I suppose. And the next, everything you've ever known is wrong. Everything just turns and you find yourself questioning little things. Things that didn't matter. And you don't fit anymore. And there's no where to turn. All walls. No doors or windows. Just wall. Just white wall. And I'm done. Finished with this. This insecurity again. I won't do it. I won't do it again. Once was enough and I'm stronger than this. But life... is stronger than me sometimes. Now more than ever I have to fight to do what I want to do. And still... I don't feel right. He's taken everything and I don't think he realizes how much that is. And I don't know why. What else don't I know? I don't know where I am anymore. I don't know who I am anymore. I thought I knew. But I don't. And soon, I'm going to wake up from this bad dream. This nightmare. And it will be August 7th at 5:00 and I just finished my senior pictures with my best friend and we had the greatest time. And the only thing I am worried about is how I was going to get my summer reading done before school starts again and how I look in my pictures.
And I'm happy.
These are my thoughts. Direct from my mind to the screen. No filter for this post. They are jumbled and they don't make sense as I write them to a song. But I guess that's how life is. Jumbled. And a lot of times, it doesn't make sense. Especially to me.
Maybe I'll be happy again. Maybe, someday.
I hope...
And the places that you go
When the lights are turned down low
And I don't understand
All the things you've seen
But I'm slipping in between
You and your big... dreams
It's always you and my big dreams
And you tell me
That it's over
Wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clover
And your restless
And I'm naked
You've got to get out
You can't stand to see me shaking
No, could you let me go
I didn't think so
And you don't want to be here in the future
So you say
The present's just a pleasant
Interruption to the past
And you don't want to look much closer
'Cause you're afraid to find out all the hope
That you had sent into the sky by now had... crashed
And it did because of me
And then you bring me home
Afraid to find out that you're alone, no
And I'm sleeping in your living room
But we don't have much room
To live
And I had dreams that I would learn to play guitar
Maybe cross the country
Become a rockstar
And there was hope in me
That I could take you there
But dammit you're so young
But I don't think I care
And if I hurt you then I'm sorry
Please don't think that this was easy
And then you bring me home
'Cause we both know what its like to be alone, no
And I'm dreaming in your living room
But we don't have much room
To live
Konstantine came walking down the stairs
Doesn't she look good
Standing in her underwear?
And I've been thinking, and I've thinking, no
But she's been drinking
And it doesn't get me anywhere
My Konstantine came walking down the stairs
And all that I could do
Was touch her long blond hair
And I was thinking, what I was thinking ya know
We've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere
This is because I can spell confusion with a K
and I like it
It's to dying in another's arms
And why I had to try it
It's to jimmy eat world
And those nights in my car
But this time I'm alone, and I don't see those stars
I'm not your star?
Isn't that what you said
What you thought this song meant
You thought this song meant
And if this is what it takes
Just to lie in my mistakes
And live with what I did to you
And all the hell I put you through
I always catch the clock it's 11:11
And now you want to talk
It's not hard to dream
You'll always be my Konstantine
They'll never hurt you like I do
No, They'll never hurt you like I do
No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No
This is to a girl who got into my head
With all these pretty things she did
Hey Baby, You know that you keep me up in bed
It's to a girl who got into my head
With all the fucked up things I did
Hey maybe baby, you could keep me up in bed
My Konstantine
Spin around me like a dream
We played out on this movie screen
And I said,
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
God, I miss you
And then you bring me home
And we'll go to sleep but this time not alone, no no,
And you'll kiss me in your living room, oh
And you see, no, that I've been missing in my Living room
Cause this is what I miss, what I miss
We don't have much room
I said, does anybody need that room?
Because we all need a little more room
To live
My Konstantine
I don't know why this song feels so right rght now. Some songs just do that. I suppose life is unexpected sometimes... I mean, one minute, you're the happiest you've ever been. Comfortable in this skin, I suppose. And the next, everything you've ever known is wrong. Everything just turns and you find yourself questioning little things. Things that didn't matter. And you don't fit anymore. And there's no where to turn. All walls. No doors or windows. Just wall. Just white wall. And I'm done. Finished with this. This insecurity again. I won't do it. I won't do it again. Once was enough and I'm stronger than this. But life... is stronger than me sometimes. Now more than ever I have to fight to do what I want to do. And still... I don't feel right. He's taken everything and I don't think he realizes how much that is. And I don't know why. What else don't I know? I don't know where I am anymore. I don't know who I am anymore. I thought I knew. But I don't. And soon, I'm going to wake up from this bad dream. This nightmare. And it will be August 7th at 5:00 and I just finished my senior pictures with my best friend and we had the greatest time. And the only thing I am worried about is how I was going to get my summer reading done before school starts again and how I look in my pictures.
And I'm happy.
These are my thoughts. Direct from my mind to the screen. No filter for this post. They are jumbled and they don't make sense as I write them to a song. But I guess that's how life is. Jumbled. And a lot of times, it doesn't make sense. Especially to me.
Maybe I'll be happy again. Maybe, someday.
I hope...
Ok
Tuesday, 22. April 2008, 23:52:22
So I've decided to pick this blog up again. Hooray for me 
I really don't have much to say. I went to Aruba. It was fantastical. I miss it like... lots. Good thing though: Andry (amazing guy Roxy and I met there) is coming to the States in July so HOPEFULLY we can meet up with him. 
And Teddy is not liking it where he is apparently. It's sad the situation he's gotten himself into. I feel so out of use, too. There is nothing I can do for him. And God knows I want to do as much as I can for him but there's really nothing. So all I can do is just be there for him I suppose. Just lke everyone else is doing.
But I have been seeing him just about every weekend as long as he goes to Maryland's house. But he doesn't like it much there anymore either so only time will tell what may happen 
BUT I had a fantabulous time right before I left for the Island with Roxy and Teddy. We pretty much got ice cream, blasted music, fogged up car windows, texted sketchy guys, took funny pictures, and toboggoned down hills. Oh yes, we had fun.
Soooo what else.......
I guess I can share my day. Alright... here we go:
Morning
Definitely did not want to believe it was morning already. Tried to stay in bed as long as possible. But then I remembered that I'm on the washing face plan every morning as well as night so I couldn't stay in bed too long.... The sadness was overwhelming.
Before School
Frolicked around the school looking for friends for to properly distribute my pieces of eight. Started with ten. Gave away eight. Ended up with three. Hmmm.....
First Period: Free (hoorah!)
French homework time! And reading first chapter of The Hermit. Fantastic. Actually intrigued me. Made me think about what it might be like to live with the small mole rats on a deserted island off the coast of Scotland. Decided that lifestyle was not appealing... Not even a little. Kenny and I also determined that magic tricks are fantastic and apparently Jandrew was asleep the whole time but I didn't notice and only found out later in the day.
Second Period: Litrugy
And absolutely NOTHING gets done in Liturgy, so if you're looking for actual work that we did (...unlikely), then you will have to skip down to French class... where even more work was pretty much not done.
Actually, I lied. We took a bible quiz and Mrs. P gave us a worksheet with questions to discuss (HA) about The Hermit. But other than that, the class was spent with a invigorating lesson about CAP, Mr. Bagel, and his disappointment in the world.
Third Period: French
The beginning of this class was spent sitting in my seat listening to the guys hammer out various drum beats on their desks eventually resulting in the HEY! song they play mercilessly at basketball and any other various sports games. Seriously guys? France was getting a headache.
Fourth Period: Pre-Cal
I play tetris in this class. There is nothing to report today.
Fifth Period: Music Theory.
Buffalo Chicken Day! Cilla was in her bliss. We actually semi worked today. I got almost all three pages on our interval packet correct so I felt intelligent for once. We determined that Sonata's high notes were broken, Necco's tongue gives me nightmares, and Grape is slow when it comes to recognizing Sonata in a play.
Lunch
Interesting Lunch. I sat with Sonata, Lani, O'Patty, and Anne. It was fantastic. We talked Search and various other things I cannot remember at this point in time.
Sixth Period: British Lit
We had a test. Nothing exciting. Rocko ate his lunch in the class because he was outside playing wallball the entire time and obviously didn't get a chance to eat. Amazing demonstration of time management there Rocko.
After School
Detention with Walker. It actually wasn't much of a detention. It was a copy-this-book-while-we-sit-and-distract-you-with-talk-of-underage-drinking,-Mr. Bagel,-and-seventh-graders party. Walker admitted to getting drunk in college. Our teachers are fine role models. I love my school.
SO! Between "Your tongue gives me nightmares" and "I think it's broken." all round, it was a pretty ok day.
LOVE Grape 
arrr...
And So it Goes...
Monday, 25. February 2008, 02:10:08
And so ends the February vacation. Wow. Kinda been a while, hasn't it? Huh. Sorry 'bout that. Been a bit busy to tell you the truth. Actually... No. I just lied. I haven't been physiaclly busy but my mind has been running ever since the beginning of vacation. Let's recap shall we?
SuperGrape's Major Happenings of February Vacation 2008
Fri: 1. Had detention with the boy. Got lectured by foster father and TC for kissing (hardly kissing. NOT making out. I see kids do much worse than us.) in the hallways. First real major fight with Teddy. Much yelling. Leave school very angry at boy.
2. Anne's 18th Birthday party! Had a blast. Sang random songs and played improv games. It was fantabulous. 
Sat: 1. Message from Teddy talking about how things had spiraled downhill, he was being called a runaway for leaving the foster parents, and he was now residing at his brother's house (Oh Fantastic...) 2. Got the lowdown (or lack there of) on the situation with Teddy. Fight with foster parents, took computer, walked through streets of city with computer in hand (genius) and fled to brother's.
Sun: Find out foster parents called child services to have Teddy removed from their care. Now he is stranded at his brother's.
Mon: Had dance on a holiday. (not really a major happening but it didn't make much sense so I'm posting it)
Tues: 1. Went to the mall with Emlynn. Had Fantastic time. Bought new jeans that are now too big and a PROM DRESS and went to see Step Up 2.
2. Went to see boyfriend. He didn't look so good. Very scared Teddy. Poor Teddy. 
Wed: Have little get together with a couple of friends. Go to see Jumper. Kinda good. 
Thurs: 10 month anniversary for Teddy and I. 
Didn't get to see him but did talk to him almost all day. We discuss what might happen and concerns I have for him.
Fri: 1. Get sick just in time for my singing competition the next day. (Fantastic...)
2. Find out that Teddy can no longer stay at his brother's and come Monday will have to go to a shelter.
3. Also find out that foster parents pulled him out of our school which means no more seeing him everyday. This heartbreaks me. Pretty positive I cried.
4. Sadness overwhelms me more when I find out that I cannot go to Shigen's birthday party because of bad snowfall. But hopefulness returns when I find out nobody could and it's been rescheduled for the next night
Sat: 1. Singing Competion day! 
Go into Boston and try my hardest but don't make it to semi-finals because, alas, I am sick. Oh well. Spent good day with parents and got new necklace.
2. Saw the boyfriend at the hockey game. Our school won. 9-0. Took a lovely video of us scoring a goal. Very proud of myself. 
3. Friends and I have discussion of Teddy and his not coming to school anymore until maybe next year. Everyone sad. We will miss him lots.
Sun: 1. After having fun with Roxy and Shigen, I leave Shigen's house and go to see Teddy. I can't stay long but I do get a nice lesson in cars and tires because I had two flat ones which got fixed. Yay!
2. I say goodbye to Teddy and 
all the way home. Tomorrow is not going to be a fun day.
So here... is my life. I get to go to school tomorrow and face the sad reality that I am again involved in a long distance relationship. Something I am not particularly good at. At least I'm not the only one. Most of our friends will miss dear Teddy as well. I just hope I'm able to supress the urge to punch foster father in the face when I see him. Must resist. Must resist. Maybe I'll cry in TC and make our teacher feel bad. Oh yeah. Tomorrow's going to rock. 
Quickie Post
Friday, 25. January 2008, 02:19:05
So I have homework to do and such and it's already 9:16 but I felt the need to share this comic with you all because I think it will be appreciated.
Cloverfield
Tuesday, 22. January 2008, 02:28:23
Names
Friday, 18. January 2008, 16:02:02
I think you should probably read this before the rest of my posts and I apoligize for the lateness. This is just my list of names of the people in my life who I will probably mention in my various posts. some are stolen from other friends and some are SuperGrape originals
Jules- Me 
Teddy- The now ex-boyfriend whom... well yeah. 
Markus- The kid who used to stalk me in seventh grade. He claims he didn't but... 
Roxy- My very first best friend in school. We met in Pre Algebra and had fun flinging highlighter caps at Ryan Levesque's head
Emlynn- We went to New York and I had the best times there! (oh yeah. We also occasionally call zoos to inquire about elephant food.)
Dani- I met her through Roxy and we sing together a lot.
Shigen- We used to be in drama class together. She and Teddy have fun talking about Anime and computers... and stuff. 
Oliver- Enlynn's ex. A Techy geek. We have had interesting conversations. 
Anne- We used to ride the bus together before she got her license. We share a love of good shopping. 
Chocolate- We used to ride the bus together before I got my license. She could kick your butt in karate 
Robin- She came here in ninth grade and we became fast friends. We have many inside jokes that go WAY back. 
O'Patty- Robin's man candy. He's very skinny with a huge appetite apparently.
Zak- A boy who shares the same love of Broadway as I. We enjoy singing together and dancing in the gym lobby.
More as they pop up.
Wonderful is the long weekend with no work whatsoever...
Friday, 18. January 2008, 15:42:03
EXAMS ARE OVER! 
They actually weren't that bad I suppose. Depending on your definition of bad... I pretty much bombed the Liturgy exam but other than that, they all weren't so tough. I just have no idea how I did. I hate that. Teddy said that was good. It means I did well. God, I hope he's right.
BUT the wonderful thing about exams is the big LONG weekend I am currently spending doing absolutely NOTHING because I have NO WORK! (caps for emphasis, in case you didn't catch that) Ahh... solitude... tis a wonderful thing. AND Winterball is tonight which I am SO excited for I don't know how my dress will fit tonight. It fits one night and then doesn't the next. It obviously despises me. But we should have a blast otherwise. I'm going with Teddy (obviously). Dani is having Oliver take her friend. Mirage's boy is in Michigan so I don't he's coming... Marcus isn't going. Neither is Chocolate. We'll miss them. Robin is going with her boyfriend, O'Patty but sitting at another table. Red is going. Shigen is... I think Shigen is going. Apparently everyone is meeting at Oliver's house but I'm going with Teddy and the foster father because people failed to inform me of this.
So yeah. I'm excited. Ready to party in my too tight dress (maybe) and no shoes because I failed to get some beforehand. Joy.
So, onto bigger and better things. I got this idea from a friend's Facebook Note. I'm going to write a series of statements about people but I'm not going to say who they're for. So they're just kind of anonymous (yes I realized I spelt that wrong. Thank you). Feel free to guess which ones belong to who. (some of these apply to the same person and some of them apply to more than one)
This is dedicated to everyone in my life:
1) I'm so sad we grew apart.
2) Don't cut your hair. (this one I stole but it applies)
3) For some reason, she made you hate me. And, yes I will always blame her because I can't blame someone I still love.
4) Your box is getting very dusty. I'm so proud of myself.
5) Your box will never get dusty.
6) I hope you're happy. Honestly.
7) You make me feel insignificant but on top of the world at the same time. You're truly amazing.
8) You are the funniest person I have ever met and you never fail to put a smile on my face.
9) I'm so proud of you.
10) For some reason, you are the one I always want to talk to when I'm upset.
11) We're growing apart. Let's not let that happen anymore.
12) I miss us.
13) I loved you more than people think I did.
14) Thank you so much. (this goes out to many many specific people)
15) Stop complaining about your life and the people in it. Feel free to be intellectual but don't be emo about it. That's not who you are and you know it.
16) You have the most gorgeous hair I've ever seen.
17) I miss you so much!
18) It's sad not being able to sing with you anymore.
19) Grow up. You have a very warped sense of love. You're going to get yourself very hurt someday.
20) I really do appreciate you.
21) You taught me what love was.
22) You taught me what love was not.
23) Ireland would not have been the same without you.
24) You are perfect in your own way.
25) I LOVE YOU SO MUCH (again, applies to many, many specific people)
Each and every one applies to someone in my life. Some might be easy to figure out while others are not so facile. And others might seem obvious but they're not. So, like I said, feel free to guess and good luck!
Crapes and Snow Days
Monday, 14. January 2008, 16:47:47
It works! Finally! After ten thousand repeated logins to MyOpera, I can finally post a new... post. *happy dance* 
So what's been going on with me... Well, RENT was last night. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G! Of course, every show I go see is amazing. It's a show,for goodness sakes. It was in Boston at the Wang. Spiffy place. Very pretty. There was a car in the lobby for some reason. I always question their methods for getting cars into buildings. I wonder if there are people who are hired to drive the cars in the doors to the place they want the car to be in. Especially those big fancy dealerships with the glass walls. Because heaven forbid we hire an unexperienced driver and risk hitting the glass which probably wasn't the best idea in the first place. You know what would be cool? If they made the roofs of places like that detachable and all you had to do was remove the roof and put the car into the building. I'd like to see that process...
Wow. Off topic, much? 
Yup so RENT was incredible. Boston is incredible. Ma mere says that one Sunday, we'll go into boston for the day and she'll properly introduce me to the city. She used to live there. That's why she's the driver that she is. If you can drive in Boston, you can drive anywhere. Or so they say...
OMFG! SNOW DAY! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
This is actually good because I didn't get much studying done yesterday. What with the greatest show on earth and all. So today, instead of distracting myself with very trivial things like TV or computer, I'm going to go all hardcore and study the whole day.
...oh crap.
So because I just realized that blogging does require me to disregard valuable study time. (PSHHHH) And because I'm hungry and want some crepes. I'm going to go and leave you with the weekly Cyanide and Happiness comic. Enjoy:
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
This is me procrastinating.
Thursday, 10. January 2008, 01:31:46
...And so it begins. It's been 7 days since my last post. *sigh* I have to be more on top of this....
Sorry for the delay. It's been an exausting last few days. Much going on. Lots to think about. Lots to do. Not much time to stop and take it all in so it's nice to now just sit and breathe for the first time. I think life is full of times when you just need to stop. Pause the world for a few minutes and breathe. I don't think people do that enough. Much to busy, I suppose. But, I guess people could argue that I am being too laid-back. But what if I was uptight? I wouldn't be me, that's for sure. Uptight was never part of my character. I actually napped today which was nice. I don't usually sleep during the day so dozing off in History class was a sure sign of lack of sleep Too many things. Too many thoughts.
I never made new Year's resolutions this year. 
I did do a lot of thinking yesterday. I realized a few things. Funerals will do that, I think. Let's recap, shall we?
SuperGrape's realizations of Life as of January 8th:
1. Life is much shorter than we think it is. Treasure the little things.
2. As long as you have family and friends who love you, you have everything.
3. Don't sweat the small stuff. Tomorrow, they won't matter.
4. Sometimes, it takes a loss to realize a gain.
5. Life is going to hurt. A lot most of the time. But there's always going to be a silver lining. Sometimes, you just have to look for it.
6. The best lessons are learned from unexpected people.
All of this I realized on my own. With the help of a lot of close friends, a few new ones and a wonderful women who was as loved as much as she is going to be missed. 
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