I know a girl. We have been best friends since we were five.

She recently turned down a bad road. I tried to help. Let her stay at my house, eat my food, smoke my cigarettes, wear my clothes, and all I asked was that she do a few simple chores.

I was coming home from work the other day and when I got back, my room was trashed, my most expensive clothing was gone, my most expensive make up was gone, a pack of my dads cigarettes gone. She stole them.

I patiently waited for and opportunity to get them back. I pretended like nothing was wrong. I found the opportunity and grabbed it. She was nowhere in sight, I grabbed her bag, took my belongings out of it and left it on the car.

She was very unhappy obviously, but there was nothing to do about it. It was the sweet revenge I wanted. But more will come. It will get more vicious.

I come home. Imagining that this will be the serenity I needed the most. A time to break away from that town that held me back. I jumped into things I truly wish I had not. I met people I hope I never meet again. I can't stand myself, I can not stand to look in the mirror. The first thing I see is my eyes, and all the memories swirling around in them. I could have been something great, I could have changed it all. I could have prevented so many things. But I didn't. I wish I had. I force myself to try to forget. Then I force myself to believe that others have it so much worse than I. So many things forage around in my thoughts that I wish would not. I wish it would all go away. Disappear. Vanish. But it will not. It will always be here to hang over my head, weigh my body down, rip and tear at my thoughts and make me feel so worthless. I hate asking for help. I try not to. And even when I do, it's never what I want to hear. I'll sit here in my demise and wallow in this self pity. Hoping for a change, but never working for it.

I fell asleep age 10, and dreadfully woke up at age 18.

What a horrible slumber.

I'm not one to boast, but my body is 18, and my soul is 25.

I wish back those days, those simpler days, but then again who does not?

Too many rules, too many let downs, you are brought so high up by one person,

and yet that very person can also bring you to the lowest point in your life.

At childhood your parents were thought to be perfect.

They were right about everything, and never faultered, like tanks they were.

Sadly enough, as you grow you learn they are not as you thought they were.

You would wish it back with everything you had, seeing the almighty crash and burn.

I feel no foundation anymore, I feel the end.

They tell me it's too soon fo such a thing.

I want to believe them, I truly do. But it's not the same anymore.

Everything is wrong now.

Family? Faultering like buildings forged in the 30's.

Friends? I abandoned them, they returned the favor.

Lovers? If I were not so clingy, and so ready for love.

It's all crumbling like dirt between my fingers.

I will continue to extend my hand as I dive into this madness.

Hope is small, but still existent.

Dear s.o.,


I've missed other s.o.'s, after a weekend without interaction, I would miss them.
But none like you. It all started with a photo. I was playfully bounding through your photos, I found one that struck me. I felt physical pain, my heart suddenly weighed 50 pounds and crushed my stomach. In your coffee brown eyes, I got lost. But this was a lost that never wanted to be found. Every memory, every touch every sensation you made me feel, your warmth, your voice! All of this enthralled in my stomach and mind, never had I felt so wonderful and yet so lonely! You fit me. Like a 2 piece puzzle set, you and I belong. I'll continue to go on. I'll try not to count down the days. For, I know I will collide with you again. And our eyes will meet. We will see how we missed one another. And I know that nothing will be better than this moment to come.


Sincerely,
your significant other

Have you ever had that feeling when something goes wrong,

and you don't know what to do about it?

It's happened before, and you had the answers then,

but now, you're just stumped, and you don't know why.

I has it.

And it's the worst in the world.

I'm done.

I realized that 99.9% of all males want nothing more than to use you and leave when they feel it appropriate.

Boys are worthless to me now.

I see them as friends.

I'm not letting them in anymore, I'm going to use them for the useless pieces of shit that they are.

If there is a truly sincere, good guy out there and he wants to be with me, sorry but my walls are thick high, you're going to have to jump through 5 billion hoops to get even close to me.

I've been used too many times to let it happen again.

And I'm not sorry for punishing you for what somebody else did to me.

You blame them for giving good guys like you a bad name, and them you become them.

I miss the microphone.

I miss the aftershock of ringing ears.

I miss the hair getting stuck in my mouth.

I miss the flailing convulsions of the body.

I want to be in a band again.

I miss that rush.

I miss it terribly.

I have been studying the works of this beauty and now I have decided I desperately want it.

It has everything I would want and need in a camera, and a few extras

It's my dream to own this!

I'm learning so very very much.

I like being alone.

I'm growing out of friends I thought I never would.

Music is so much sweeter to the ears.

And my life becomes more in line,

as do I.

I stayed awake all night.

I went outside to watch the sunrise.

And I made up this haiku!

"Wandering the worlds parts,

I wonder if I shall ever see the corpse,

That was my past life"

I was thinking of how people judge books by there cover's, but couldn't they judge them there beverages too?

When I see someone drinking (blank) I think (blank)
water-healthy dieter
gatorade-jock
soda-gamer/teenager
tea-spiritual person
beer-redneck/hippy
wine/liquor-a wealthy person
coffee-works all day
starbucks-rich pants snob

(more to come)

A long time ago I had a weird dream, and it went like this!

Me and the whole town were in my old trailer park, and a castle was behind my best friends house.
It kept sucking people in and torchering them. It got me and my friends and began the torchering. When the king of the castle left for a moment, I ran to the door and opened it, and I was screaming at my friends to get out while they could, but they were brain washed and didn't want to leave. So I shoved them out anyways! The effects wore off after we got outside.

It was midday now and we suddenly appeared in the building with one wall completely made of glass looking out onto a gorgeous lake. Some big event was happening and appearantly something good had just happened too because everyone was celebrating.

Out of no where this lady yells "Look at the sky!!," and to my amazment it was raining burgers of all kinds!

At that everyone ran to the roof and out the door to catch a burger and feast!