Posts tagged with "thoughts"
Tuesday, 13. October 2009, 22:40:39
music, thoughts, addiction, emotion
Do you know this feeling of anticipation, when you hear the beginning of a great set of music and you just know that it will be devastating, it'll be extreme? You can just ... sense it.
There is this faint tingle in the air, playing with your senses. A chill crawls up your spine, buzzes through your nerves, makes you shake a little. Your eyes widen, your sight becomes glazed and disconnected. You look concentrated and determined.
You take a sip and make smalltalk, you just know that soon it wouldn't matter anymore. The music starts building up, but it's all still an anticipation. A feeling that at some point in the future you can go wild, you can lose it all and dive in this .. dark, tangled mass of people, that for now seems still, a monolithic, inpenetrable wall of humans.
Beat, the beat comes and slowly your body starts responding like you don't know what to do just yet. You keep the contact but your eyes start seeking. Seeking hints of activity. Your sound perception sharpens, as you concentrate on the melody. It gives you the feeling, the mood, the movement. The initial inspiration.
Bounce, baby, bounce - that gorgeous one in front of you gives out moves like she intends to start wars. You don't care, the moves are just only beggnng to show what's about to come later.
Punchy music kicks in and the bodies start rockng back and forth. The melody engulfs the crowd slowly and you find yourself in a sea of smilng, dancing, sweating people. Beats per minute, both music-wise and heart-wise accelerate. They sync and mess up your body and your mind. You start being one integral piece of the music, moving with it, living with it. The same pace, the same emotion, the same rythm.
Jump goes the dancefloor - one, two, ten tracks in a row pick up the speed, the mood, the punch of it all, lift you up and slowly eradicate the lingering threads of rational thought, creeping in the back of your mind.
And then you explode. You are all over the place along with your peers. Jumping madly, laughing, sweating, smiling. Boom - a flash of light, a punch of bass - your body jumps in unpredictable ways. Choreography is all about nature now, it happens on its own.
And then comes the moment of serenity. A little bit of a breather, a pause. Time to collect the victims and reinforce the ones still moving. Come on, breathe with me... Stop, take a sip of water and relax.
But I know. I know what's in your minds.
The pause gets sick. Heavy, overwhelming. It slows down and turns dark. Oddly melodic. Relaxing, without providing relief. Your mind starts to slow down and your pulse calms. You think - about bloody time. But there's a dark voice in the back your your head, a sick feeling that this is not going so well. The music starts pushing you down.
Down, down, down, the heavy lines crush any small remaints of sanity in your head, they reduce your body to an almost immobile wreck, seemingly relaxed, but oddly tensed up from the inside. Slowly, you realize that you're losing it all. Your sight wanders, your thoughts just ... vanish. You let go and dive in.
Observation of what's around comes like a gift. The realisation that this is so awesome that you can see the goosebumps on other people's hands just makes you feel even better. Your dancing skills are reduced to moving slowly and making funny faces but you don't give a damn.
And then, beat by beat, it gets rougher. Mixed upon a trippy melody, a dark bassline comes in. The vocal lifts you from the ground and leaves you floating, without support for what is about to come. The dark music pushes you down and down and down, and down.
And when you're ready to flip out, the beat raises from the back of the tune. The dark, sickening melody takes form. And it takes the form of a sledgehammer ready to smash you on the head.
You gotta get get. Boom! The next beat is the one that shatters your connection with reality. The one that looses it all - thoughts, concerns, precautions. Anything and everyting. Your pressed down, desperate mind escapes into the bliss by doing the only thing it's left to do. It stops. Rational thought is erradicated, everything is suppressed. At this point you get music that is so fast, so inspiring, so dark, so wicked, so engaging that there is nothing left.
A complete wipeout. There's the music, you and a crowd of disconnected people left. And nothing else.
This is when you become disconnected. This is when you assemble the pieces of the puzzle a few hours afterwards. This is when you wake up late and you realize you feel like someone took you apart, piece by piece, and when it all ended, they didn't nearly make it to put you back together.
This is when your mind is clean, your spirit high, your concerns gone, your love infinite, your friendship unlimited, your joy unextinguishable, your spirit high, your body painless....
Everything you are is everyting you wanted to be, everyhting you did was everything you wanted to do and if hell came down to earth right fucking then, you'd say ..."Meh, fuck it, I had a good time"
"Sucker punch motherfucker. Haaa-hahahahahahahaahah"
Sunday, 15. March 2009, 00:15:23
smile, plane, thoughts, happyness
I'm a courier, a delivery boy. I travel 'round and deliver what people most often need - a smile. Sometimes they'll need a single nod and a smile, sometimes they'll need an entire devastating evening of fun, sometimes they'll need the most glowy, radiating You that you can deliver. How do I know what they want - I don't. I don't know. Somehow, subconsciously, I feel motivated to go to people and find their secret, to reveal the things needed to get them to have fun.
What I cannot understand is it how a gloomy, sarcastic, cynical person manages to end up to be a factor in the happiness of others. I mean, it's not like my usual moods are overflowing with happy thoughts. We've all seen enough stupidity and misery not to be able to only focus on the good things in life.
Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts ... How do you get your happy thoughts to flow? What is the trigger for this emotional explosion that makes the people around you catch up with you and smile again? Laugh with you and at you - both will work out just fine enough.
We all need our catalyst, a sparkle, a small piece of joy and fun on which to build on. How little does it take - sometimes almost nothing at all. Meeting someone new and astonishing. Meeting an old friend, as crazy as yourself. Hearing that wicked track in the club, the one that makes you go nuts, no matter what. A small initiator of epic good times.
So that's what I do - I travel around and look for those tiny motivators, those bits and pieces of the scenery that are necessary. And I use them to get started. To set things in motion and deliver you the smiles you'd want. And sometimes it is so easy. How hard would it be to bring out the fun when everyone carried their own trigger for the good times? It's always there - people bring with them the things that are needed to make them have fun. They always have the necessary to turn my smile on.
You know you make me want to smile. And shout, and dance, and jump, and run and laugh. "B-Complex - It's a funny world" - hearing this track right now is all it takes. I cannot possibly find a more fitting example. Here I am, shoes off, spread on all three seats on row 7 in this Boeing, typing stuff on my laptop and bouncing in the rhythm of a spectacular tune. It is enough to make the stewardesses smile. And what more do you need to keep yourself happy, really?
Your cynical gloominess - delivering little bundles of joy, with a smile, directly to wherever you are.
Sunday, 8. March 2009, 10:33:08
life, characters, people, thoughts
Inspired by The Characters of Theophrastus, an ageless book about the social (mis)behavior of people, I'm trying to put here my own thoughts and observations on the different types of people that would gather in a social event. It can be just a chat, dinner or an entertainment gethering, generally described as "party". Even in this limited scope, I believe there's a lot of Characters to be described and you'll easily recognise one of your friends in them. Unlike the Characters of Theophrastus, there will be positive descriptions as well. It's easy and convenient to focus on the negative ones, I hope I'll be able to have enough good descriptions to compensate.
Read more...
Sunday, 14. September 2008, 21:52:30
thoughts, happyness, mindfuck
Obscure, certainly. Playing the mindfuck game with an inanimate object is tricky business. Trickier still when the opponent behaves so erratic, in a nice, randomized pattern. You just never know what's going to hit you next, where the next blow is going to head, what to expect or how to react. The trick, of course, is not to rely on insight of the future.
Plans are meaningless and expectations - pointless. Predetermined mind gets screwed in the mindfuck game, because the opponent is the one that gets to choose. If you want to get out of the wickedness of the game, you should be the one getting the choice.
Naturally, people hate to choose. Is it because they are afraid to make the wrong choice? Why does there always have to be a "wrong" choice? The thing is - people go looking for it on their own. When they don't know, they're afraid they'll make a mistake. When they know too much, they're afraid of the consequences. So people don't want to go on and play the mindfuck game the right way, because they're afraid of making the moves that bring them the victory.
The trick that is required here, however, is not to make the right choices, but not to leave your opponent any. Be a little, dumb, reactive machine. Just get the immediate choice and act on it. No matter how, no matter what you use to base it on. Decide on the spot, trust the subconscious, the instincts speaking in the back of your head, before you even realized. Base it on a predetermined rule, fixed in stone. Anything, really. Just make sure you are the one getting the choice.
And this is why playing the mindfuck game with a roulette is so great. You can't avoid having the choice, because it never makes any. It just throws you off balance every time, having the unpredictable, absent-minded, logic-deprived behavior of a physical random system.
This is where you learn to win.
And the mindfuck game? It's your favourite game, comrade. We all play one.
What is your game?
Saturday, 5. July 2008, 01:19:25
thoughts, annoyance, emotion
Never say never.
Fuck this shit. I solemnly vow:
To never brood again. To have life as it is. To have defeat as a fucking digestive, bitter but yet refreshing. Clearing your mind and bringing you down to earth. Flying high is a tough drop, is it not?
To never be gloomy again, for I am not an emo freak.
To never have to suck it up again, for I am not one that ignores reality.
To enjoy, lo live, to shape a reality of my own. To control, twist, enlighten, support, degrade, help, screw over, embezzle, to model the world of my liking. To cancel, crush, force, ask, demand, gain and stabilize - my life. Out of it, out of the crowd around, out of the masses. Out of the weak and out of the strong alike.
They keep telling me war is the answer
It's a disease of the spirit
It's more than just cancer
It runs through the blood deeply
These cowards are sneaky
They try 'n keep me quiet from starting a riot
I try to be silent
The solution is violence
Couldn't see it any other way
Bust a shot, one time for my run-away
Going in the real, old, deep jungle. /away
Never!
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