My Opera
Does anyone ever know what to do?
Saturday, January 31, 2009 1:49:09 AM
I'm in quite a conundrum. Well, it may not seem so to anyone else, but it is to me.
My parents just got done putting one kid through college. As soon as that happened, I'm off to college. I also have another brother that is in college, too. It's a lot of money, and I realize that. I know they have told us they don't want to make us worry about paying for it because it was so stressful for them to make it through school, but she has recently begged my other brother to move home for next year and finish school from there because his school is close to home and is more expensive. I've tried to do a lot to help out. I took a lot of my classes from a community college to help lower the price before I came up here, and I'd like to do anything else I can to help because my brother seems to be a deadbeat that doesn't care.
This started out by my mother begging me to apply to be an RA, or something similar which will pay for my room/board and food. I don't want to be an RA. I don't. I couldn't do it, I'd have such a problem with it, and it is so much more work than many of the other jobs, but also easier to get then some of the other jobs.
I'd considered being a BRIDGE. They "bridge" the gap between diversity. Going into special education, I felt that I could bring new fresh ideas to the university and change some things I believe they are lacking in, or at least suggest them. However, I was told that I wasn't "black" enough to be a BRIDGE, because the directors will be looking for someone who knows what it feels like to be discriminated against for the color of their skin. I felt like I was being discriminated against for that, alone, but didn't make a big deal about it. Then I found out that there is only going to be one position open, if that, and possibly only two. I decided that I didn't want to do it. I, obvously, didn't have a chance, I wasn't feeling the job anymore, but still felt incredibly obligated to help out my parents somehow.
I didn't know how to break it to my parents that I wasn't going to apply for anything when my mom was so excited that I was going to apply, and so disapointed when she found out I, myself, was discriminated against.
Finally I figured out something that might make me a little happier, and something I could actually do. Being a desk manager. I would have to be organized--I am. I would have to be in charge of two of the front desks in two of the buildings. I feel I could really do it and really be good at it. Then I found out from the current DM that I have to be a DA (Desk assistant) before I can be a DM. When looking into it further, I found out that I don't believe its true, there is no where on the application or anything that says I can't do it. So now I have to worry about applying and the interview and getting chosen. Thinking about it, however, I believe there are only two maybe three of these jobs available (Jesus, why don't I just want to be an RA?!?)
One of the directors, I believe, hates me. Perhaps hate is a strong word, but I believe she dislikes me. When I start to think about it I think "who the fuck would want me as a DM?" Especially if they have the choice between someone who was a DA, or someone who may be better. It just really depresses me to think that I am going to struggle so much through the interview and application and everything and I wont get the job, even though I'd work my ass off at it. It worries me to think that I wont get this job and my parents are going to have to struggle so much more. I'd help them anyway I can, I just can't help it if I dont get the job.
The stress of the entire situation makes me want to cry.
My parents just got done putting one kid through college. As soon as that happened, I'm off to college. I also have another brother that is in college, too. It's a lot of money, and I realize that. I know they have told us they don't want to make us worry about paying for it because it was so stressful for them to make it through school, but she has recently begged my other brother to move home for next year and finish school from there because his school is close to home and is more expensive. I've tried to do a lot to help out. I took a lot of my classes from a community college to help lower the price before I came up here, and I'd like to do anything else I can to help because my brother seems to be a deadbeat that doesn't care.
This started out by my mother begging me to apply to be an RA, or something similar which will pay for my room/board and food. I don't want to be an RA. I don't. I couldn't do it, I'd have such a problem with it, and it is so much more work than many of the other jobs, but also easier to get then some of the other jobs.
I'd considered being a BRIDGE. They "bridge" the gap between diversity. Going into special education, I felt that I could bring new fresh ideas to the university and change some things I believe they are lacking in, or at least suggest them. However, I was told that I wasn't "black" enough to be a BRIDGE, because the directors will be looking for someone who knows what it feels like to be discriminated against for the color of their skin. I felt like I was being discriminated against for that, alone, but didn't make a big deal about it. Then I found out that there is only going to be one position open, if that, and possibly only two. I decided that I didn't want to do it. I, obvously, didn't have a chance, I wasn't feeling the job anymore, but still felt incredibly obligated to help out my parents somehow.
I didn't know how to break it to my parents that I wasn't going to apply for anything when my mom was so excited that I was going to apply, and so disapointed when she found out I, myself, was discriminated against.
Finally I figured out something that might make me a little happier, and something I could actually do. Being a desk manager. I would have to be organized--I am. I would have to be in charge of two of the front desks in two of the buildings. I feel I could really do it and really be good at it. Then I found out from the current DM that I have to be a DA (Desk assistant) before I can be a DM. When looking into it further, I found out that I don't believe its true, there is no where on the application or anything that says I can't do it. So now I have to worry about applying and the interview and getting chosen. Thinking about it, however, I believe there are only two maybe three of these jobs available (Jesus, why don't I just want to be an RA?!?)
One of the directors, I believe, hates me. Perhaps hate is a strong word, but I believe she dislikes me. When I start to think about it I think "who the fuck would want me as a DM?" Especially if they have the choice between someone who was a DA, or someone who may be better. It just really depresses me to think that I am going to struggle so much through the interview and application and everything and I wont get the job, even though I'd work my ass off at it. It worries me to think that I wont get this job and my parents are going to have to struggle so much more. I'd help them anyway I can, I just can't help it if I dont get the job.
The stress of the entire situation makes me want to cry.
