My Opera
Just think.
Thursday, January 8, 2009 6:50:25 PM
Yeah, tomorrow is the day. The day I have to go back and face the one thing I can't stand. School. I don't know why I hate it so much. When I was in high school I thought I would love this life so much, but now that I'm here I know how much I want everything that I can't have because life is linear. I have to graduate. Then I have to wait for him to propose (although that could happen before I graduate...) I have to get married, buy a house, we both have to have a stable job THEN I can have kids. And then wait a couple of years and have another kid. At most we will have four, but basically we will probably settle at three. But if I don't have a girl, I don't know what I'll do. I am the only girl in my family. Even out of all of my cousins, I have one cousin that is a girl. She is 20 years older than me, and lives... well... 3 states away. 
And... well... looking at Nick's family, chances of having a girl, well, its slim. Which is how we would end up having four kids. If I have three boys I'd like to adopt a girl, probably from China. I just don't know if Nick would go with that.
My best friend from high school who is about the same age as me is getting married in May and is having a baby in July. They hope its a girl, and they want to name her Halle Rae. Halle, like Halle Berry. Its a georgous name, although I have my own name for my own daughter picked out... for one day.
I know I dont want to get pregnant, I don't want to get married this young, it would terrify me, I know I couldn't do it... especially not alone. And then I think about the joy a baby can bring. You have someone that loves you unconditianlly, (at least until they are eh, about 6?) I want to marry Nick, I want him to be the father of my children, he would make such a wonderful father. I want to live the rest of my life with him, but I know that he couldn't take it right now either, he certainly isn't ready to be a father, nor am I ready to be a mother.
I just wonder sometimes...
And... well... looking at Nick's family, chances of having a girl, well, its slim. Which is how we would end up having four kids. If I have three boys I'd like to adopt a girl, probably from China. I just don't know if Nick would go with that. My best friend from high school who is about the same age as me is getting married in May and is having a baby in July. They hope its a girl, and they want to name her Halle Rae. Halle, like Halle Berry. Its a georgous name, although I have my own name for my own daughter picked out... for one day.
I know I dont want to get pregnant, I don't want to get married this young, it would terrify me, I know I couldn't do it... especially not alone. And then I think about the joy a baby can bring. You have someone that loves you unconditianlly, (at least until they are eh, about 6?) I want to marry Nick, I want him to be the father of my children, he would make such a wonderful father. I want to live the rest of my life with him, but I know that he couldn't take it right now either, he certainly isn't ready to be a father, nor am I ready to be a mother.
I just wonder sometimes...
