Court Transquips
Saturday, 12. January 2008, 22:08:33
Q: James shot Tommy Lee?
A: Yes.
Q: Then Tommy Lee pulled out his gun and shot James in the fracas?
A: No sir, just above it.
Q: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
Q: The hospital is to the right?
A: It was on this side.
Q: When you say 'it was on this side', could you say right or left?
A: Right or left.
Judge (to jury): If that be your verdict, so say you all.
Jury: You all.
Q: Doctor, will you take a look at those x-rays and tell us something about the injury?
A: Let's see, which side am I testifying for?
Q: How would you expect somebody to react, being stabbed six times in this fassion?
A: Well, it might slow them down a bit.
Q: How was your first marriage determined?
A: By death.
Q: And by who's death was it terminated?
Q: And what did he do then?
A: He came home, and the next morning he was dead.
Q: So, when he woke up, he was dead?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium hight and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or female?
The court: You've been charged with armed robbery. Do you want the court to appoint a lawyer to represent you?
A: You don't have to appoint a very good lawyer, I'm gonna plead guilty anyway.
Q: What happened then?
A: He says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'
Q: And, did he kill you?
A: No.
Judge: Well, gentlemen of the jury, are you unanimous?
Foreman: Yes, your Honor, we're all alike-temporarily















Valius # 13. January 2008, 00:06
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 00:26
Valius # 13. January 2008, 00:29
Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
If when I go to court and the opportunity comes up...I'm going to answer that question just that way and keep a straight face!
See what you can get away with when you're a bit older.
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 00:32
Valius # 13. January 2008, 00:39
3 new forum invitations!
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 00:42
t.k. says (it's pretty nasty)
Valius # 13. January 2008, 00:52
I think I'll pass on the Poo poo
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 01:07
Valius # 13. January 2008, 01:20
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 01:29
Valius # 13. January 2008, 01:43
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 01:48
Valius # 13. January 2008, 02:22
Besides as a grandpa I can take them to the ice cream parlor let them get ice cream all over themselves and then ask my children why they don't keep their kids clean...LOL
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 02:28
Valius # 13. January 2008, 02:36
Valius # 13. January 2008, 02:38
My grands are going to be fine...I just want to see a little grey hair on my kids like they gave me. I love them all!
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 02:47
Valius # 13. January 2008, 03:44
I hate fishing!!! But I do like fish jokes! I wouldn't mind fishing but who would take them off the hook for me. I don't like the way they feel.
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 04:10
Valius # 13. January 2008, 04:20
OH I have a great recipe (maybe next week) for tuna salad.
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 04:31
Valius # 13. January 2008, 04:42
Valius # 13. January 2008, 04:43
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 04:52
Valius # 13. January 2008, 04:59
My last wife didn't and I had to make hers separate...Now you know why I divorced her!
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 05:05
Valius # 13. January 2008, 05:11
Tuna Recipe
Ingrediants
____________________________________________________________________Utensils
2 cans of white meat tuna
..........................................................................................................1
- 2 quart mixing bowl
1/2 cup of mayonaise
................................................................................................................
1 measuring cup
2 tablespoons of sweet relish
....................................................................................................
1 tablespoon
2 tablespoons of chopped onions (fine if you don't mind)
.......................................................
1 teaspoon
2 tablespoons of chopped celery (fine if you do mind)
............................................................
1 chop stick
1 teaspoon celery seeds
1 pinch salt
2 pinches black pepper
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Open and drain the 2 cans of white meat tuna and using
the chop stick empty into bowl. Add all of the seasonings along
with the mayonaise and second most important ingrediant, the
relish. Using the chop stick break up the tuna chunks into fine
pieces without stirring or turning it into a cream. When the
chunks are a uniform small size and the onions and celery
stirring a few times until uniform.
Cover the bowl and place it into the refridgerator
until chilled. I like mayonaise spread on both sides of my bread
with lettuce and tomato. You can use your own taste to dictate
the type of bread and whether or not to add anything else.
This makes a great summer lunch with lemonade. Enjoy
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 05:15
Valius # 13. January 2008, 05:20
Also My chopped Bar B Q recipe...I can't stop eatin it. I make sandwiches on hamburger bun and go through 2 packs of buns before I roll over to lay down.
I try not to eat pork any more since I've been reading the bible...been 8 months now. I love bacon, ham and chopped Bar B Q but what the heck!
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 05:27
God doesn't condemn it.
Valius # 13. January 2008, 05:32
God says it is not a sin against him but an abuse to our own bodies. Do I need to hunt through the bible to find it or can you think hard and remember...Oh Yea I saw that!
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 05:49
I know, I am persuaded by the Lord Jesus, that there is nothing unclean of itself: but to him that esteemeth (considers) anything to be unclean, to him, it is unclean.
This verse co-insides with the 'Law of Love' if you truely believe pork is not suitable, i guess it would be considered a sin to eat it. but i think what you're thinking of is in the old testament, isn't it?
Valius # 13. January 2008, 05:52
Have I given up my ham sandwich for nothing...and the stores are closed now!
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 06:02
DeeDee # 13. January 2008, 06:07