My OperaThe Summer's here, but there seems to be ZERO SUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, July 6, 2007 1:24:33 AM
The summer days are well in motion, but I am finding it frighteningly difficult to find things to be happy about
The weather is awful so I cant go to the beach - which is where I clear my head. The bad weather means its harder to go out with friends so I end up couped up indoors alot. There were no jobs so I had to re apply to a call centre!!!!!!!!!!! Which was one of the worst experiences of my lifetime lol
So just when i think that depression may be setting in, I am forced to take up a time consuming job which is gonna make stuff worse.
Put if I push all of this aside, do you ever wonder why your here? I mean I have all of these aspirations and so called challenges. BUT I put them all in perspective the other night and came to this conclusion;
Everything I've worked for in my life so far - be it loyalty, friendship, education, achievements and so on... I find that none of them make me happy at the minute. I am genuinely hoping that this is not a permanent fixture lol I realised that even if I get the grades for university, I'll not be any happier because I know that I can achieve them, and I know that I can get anything simple that I want e.g. money from a job or a car, etc but I have no drive to go out there and grasp it.
There are a few breaths of fresh air in these dull few weeks lol but Im not sure they'll make any difference and I not sure WHY I'm here.
Man, I cant believe how excited I was at the start of summer, and how happy I was. I just wanna feel better, and the quicker the better!
The weather is awful so I cant go to the beach - which is where I clear my head. The bad weather means its harder to go out with friends so I end up couped up indoors alot. There were no jobs so I had to re apply to a call centre!!!!!!!!!!! Which was one of the worst experiences of my lifetime lol
So just when i think that depression may be setting in, I am forced to take up a time consuming job which is gonna make stuff worse.
Put if I push all of this aside, do you ever wonder why your here? I mean I have all of these aspirations and so called challenges. BUT I put them all in perspective the other night and came to this conclusion;
Everything I've worked for in my life so far - be it loyalty, friendship, education, achievements and so on... I find that none of them make me happy at the minute. I am genuinely hoping that this is not a permanent fixture lol I realised that even if I get the grades for university, I'll not be any happier because I know that I can achieve them, and I know that I can get anything simple that I want e.g. money from a job or a car, etc but I have no drive to go out there and grasp it.
There are a few breaths of fresh air in these dull few weeks lol but Im not sure they'll make any difference and I not sure WHY I'm here.
Man, I cant believe how excited I was at the start of summer, and how happy I was. I just wanna feel better, and the quicker the better!
Elin KungsmanEllan 87 # Saturday, July 7, 2007 8:56:22 AM
When I graduated I actually had a good summer but in the end of the summer I started to get depressed.. I had´nt applied for college, I didn´t have a job and so on.. and the pressuare was there.. parents asking when I would go to college adn what I wanted to study, friends shipping off to college and so on.. and there I was.. I didn´t have a job neither a college degree/diploma? man, I didn´t even know what I wanted to study? I still don´t know;)
anyway.. I´m a very pondering person.. so I got depressed and feelt awful for months:S but then I decided to get myself up and do something.. I had a friend living in Dublin, so I called him and asked If I could come for a visit! then I bought myself a cheap flight ticket.. To travel makes me happy and it definitely makes me more experinced!In the waiting for my destiny to arriwe;)
If you don´t have the time or money to travel, do something else that makes you happy and makes you feel more experienced:)
and remeber you don´t have to hurry! If you do, you can endup with a job and a adjucation you don´t even like:(
I hope you´ll feel better soon:) it breaks my heart when friends feel bad:(
love Ellan <3<3<3