Sunday, February 12, 2012 7:28:07 PM
2am and I'm trying to get some sleep. I closed my eyes, wiping away the tears, laying my tiring back on the bed and found everything around me going dark. i found me 4 years ago. I found me the day I was heart broken 4 years ago. Just like this. Torn and tears.
How could I ever get over that? i asked myself again, trying to remember how I managed to get over the pain, to live, to catch up with normal life, to rehope and rebelieve. Just as I'm completely fine on my own, all of the hope for love is gone in one moment, when I finally realized the dream is once again over.
what should I do now? could it be another 4 years? I'm tired already.
And I'm scared that i once again have to gain all the strengths to cope with my pains.
It happens to me again.
life.
Thursday, January 12, 2012 4:52:40 PM
I never get to say it! I promise myself a million times that tonight is the night, I'm gonna say it no matter what. And guess what, nothing!? I'm so ashamed of myself and so mad at how i reacted.
Why can't I just be a little bit courageous and say it for once what are stuck in my head, tell him what I really think and ask questions. Man, I just need to be myself, why is it so hard?
Argggg..this will go on forever, I swear to Buddha and it's going to hurt myself so soon. Another whining entry is rolled out very soon which I definitely don't want to happen.
Shame on me though tonight is a great night....
Friday, January 6, 2012 5:21:39 PM
Friends are great therapy. I have never felt like enjoying my Friday like today, totally chilling out and having fun with close friends.
It's a feeling when you are understood and shared, and you can talk about almost anything, about the past, the memories and you laugh together. What could be better than that, when I finally laugh and feel easy and be heard.
I'm blessed that I'm not alone. Right now, even though many thoughts start to run through my head, i manage a smile as I feel the warmth of being at home, with parents, with my little bibu.
I had a great day, great evening. I couldn't wish for more. Just for now, I'm living my life.
Yes, why complicate life?
[
Sunday, January 1, 2012 6:09:28 PM
Now even I am scared every time I think of this sentence. We need to talk means we are having the problems! And it's getting really serious!
So serious that I have been wiping my tears for the last week, even on New year eve where everybody was cheering for the new year, including you. I asked myself why I should be so pathetic when I all did was lying on bed, trembling by the cold in a remote mountainous area and crying like a baby.
We need to talk because things are not going well between us and I am not sure if you want to move on with this relationship with me.
I have reached the limitation of my feelings to tell you this, that what's currently going on is not working for me. Do you see any couples like us, or do u think we should call ourselves 'a couple'? A couple that never appears at public at the same time together, never gets to know each other's friends, a couple who rarely meets or even talks over the phone, a couple who doesn't share...? Do you?
You said it's your work and you can not do anything about it. I think you don't want to, because everything is possible unless you don't want to make it happen, let alone this specific situation.
You said you don't have time for me. I don't ask you to stay, but you can always suggest me to go with you, or block some certain days of the years for me, is it too hard?
You never wanted to spend the Christmas and New year day with me, right? You'd rather choose to work and be with your friends.
You never called just to say Happy New year, or ask what I did on New year's eve, where I went to and who i spent time with? Do you care?
You certainly don't have time for me and want to profess me as your girlfriend, because if you did, you wouldn't just say "I wish you were here" all the time, instead you would make it happen.
Now I think I'm much aware of your list of priority: 1. Your family (of course), 2. Your work (obvious!), 3. Your friends and those who matter to your work (understandable) 4. Your social friends (which are many) and...I should be at the very bottom of that list.
I'm sick of it and I don't even want to name this relationship. I don't even care.
So here we are, we need to talk...
Tuesday, December 20, 2011 5:43:28 PM
I'm a worry person, I am. And for that reason, I tend to oversee into the future rather than live in the time being. Honestly, sometimes it's good, especially in work when you can actually foresee and prepare for all scenarios, but that's when you know for sure how you are going to handle it. When you don't, it will become an obsession that makes you feel insecure about what's probably going to happen next.
That's what I feel now, a sense of insecure and unstable. How can you be in a relationship and you have no idea where it is going to and you feel like you can not get hold of it? If somebody can do that, I would have a lot of questions for that person because i feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere now.
I know I sound crazy but these thoughts are growing within me, till I have to jot it down just not to let it blow my mind. What's next? that question haunts me and I feel annoyed to myself that I don't have the answer nor dare to find one.
I have never been good at dealing with my own emotions and personal relationships. I just don't want to accept it but in fact, I am not. I'm too weak, too vulnerable and gullible and sometimes I don't know what i want and how i should behave as a grown-up. I'm easily driven by others, I hate it.
As a matter of fact, I build myself a fence and always in doubt of things, of love, of emotions, of care, wondering if the next person is going to cheat on me just like the previous one did. I've never once found complete happiness from a relationship, how sucked it is?
These days are just too stressful as my brain is twisted with lots of unanswered questions. I just want to go away for sometime and let noone find me. Am I in deep depression?
Wednesday, November 16, 2011 5:46:23 PM
I used to be cheated and I also used to be the one who cheated...
I never want to experience it again, ever..
http://vn.nang.yahoo.com/mu%C3%B4n-m%C3%A0u-ngo%E1%BA%A1i-t%C3%ACnh-102600392.htmlUs? No, we used to be worse than this. The love I have never declared and neither have you.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011 4:01:38 PM
My big Tummy, big J
I'm supposed to be writing an moderator script for the meeting tomorrow but instead, I open up this blog and pour down my thoughts.
I suddenly realize every time i write smth here, it sounds very pessimistic. Well, it does not actually. Sometimes i think my life sucks but on the other hand, i guess it's the dream for many others:)
I have been talking much about the past and my obsession of what I've experienced but at this moment, I can feel the warmth in my heart and soul. And it's all thanks to my man:) My sweet old man, I usually call him.
Listen again and again to this song tonight and start dreaming of a bright future when I'm not alone anymore...
I miss you, baby.
http://mp3.zing.vn/bai-hat/Beautiful-in-white-Shayne-Ward/IW688F7I.html
Saturday, November 5, 2011 6:12:53 PM
Now I believe pain can be healed but the scar stays forever.
My heart has an ugly scar which causes me pain, doubts, insecure, pessimism, jealousy, incompetence, worry and inconfidence.
Being strong and independent is never easy. You keep encouraging yourself everyday but you can never get rid of the haunt of the past.
You used to be cheated. And the world around you is just filled with liars.
Who can ensure the same thing will not happen to you in the future, no matter how hard you try to be kind and good?
Keep walking, but sometimes the steps are just pulled down...
Saturday, October 15, 2011 7:18:21 PM
I'm once again at the dead-end of the road and that's why I'm here, at 2.00pm, listening to a very depressing song "Jar of hearts" and writing this blog.
I've never thought the idea of being in a relationship again can result in a sudden insomnia for the whole week like this. Every night I go to bed, either weeping in tears or finding my mind twisted up with insecure and hurtful feelings. This is crazy, I feel like I can not take it any longer but it's been going on for the last 2 weeks. Even after the very frank talk (the big one), I thought everything should be fine but well, it's not.
In life, you may have many options. The thing is whether you are bold enough to choose one for yourself.
I know I'm scared. I'm scared because the thought of breaking up has appeared not only one time but...many times and it's growing big in my head.
I just want to break free from what's happening. Isn't being with someone supposed to make you delightful and happy? Well, i was but that doesn't last for long. I'm not feeling happy, I'm tired.
But is breaking up really a good choice or just a coward way, for me, now?
http://mp3.zing.vn/bai-hat/Jar-Of-Hearts-Christina-Perri/ZWZAE8DW.html
Monday, October 10, 2011 3:31:54 PM
This is crazy I'm still living here when I'm supposed to commence my studying by now.
I've delayed my dream so many times, it's now no longer a dream but more like a must-do in my to-do list, yet I'm making no move.
Now the picture has become a little bit clearer but I'm scared that when I make my dream come true, it means I have also decided to end this relationship. I don't want it to happen but honestly I'm not a believer in long-distance relationship.
I know what I want now. I want to go. It's Europe. I've always dreamed of being there.
But it cuts my heart thinking of you, of us.
..it's just bewilderment filled in my mind.
1 2 3 4 5 ... 12 Next »
My Opera
