Trouble times

For this is my first blog and it is tough for me find something for me to express. Had a pretty normal childhood. I remember when I was really little we lived in a very poor town and so we were poor. The usual white trash, meaning that we had six cars in the back property that didn't work. Farm land that had not producted a crop since before i was born. Had a horse, some geeses, dogs and cats...oh and of course the desert creaters of nattle snacks, teranchulas, and scorpions. But my life was good had my family, complete family. Then my dad past away and we had to move to the city. Turned out that the elementry that i was going too in the desert wasn't as advance of my new school. So i spend the next six years in a smaller class as I try to catch back up.

This is not the focus on this blog, this is a point of refrence to me and for thous how are reading this and wonder why. Now to the focus.

I think that i was in middle school and my mom how has not remarried since my dad past away started seeing other people. At the time i really did not mind, again at the time. Then this new guy came in to my world. I could tell something was wrong and i had no way to express that feelings. I did not like the fact that he came over and will take my mother up to her bed room, which i heard what as going on. this only fuel my anger to the point that my friends and there parents notice changes in my personality. Searching for anything to express myself i felt that the more dangerious my actions were the better i felt. my mind was so set on this rational that when i didn't feel anything i looked for more things. I felt that i was betrayed I felt that my father was betrayed. his memory that is my heart of all of the goods times that i had was being threatened. threatened by this upstart and i needed to change that. told my mother how i felt and she said that in time it will be alright.

Stayed out later and sneaked out when he showed up. Started steeling and doing more things that was not me. And i found that my friends were starting to encourage me to do more. see if i get caught. and from there i found that feeling that i was looking for. The encouragement was that feeling i was looking for. CD, VHS, food, stupid stuff like that.

At the high point of all of this that feeling that i had about this guy was validated when my mom learned that he was married and he was cheating. When i heard my mother telling him to get the f*** out i took that as a green light and i took my baseball bat to his crappy chevy van, and keyed the words "I cheated on my wife".

that next day me and my mother had one of them heart to hearts and i felt that i did not need to search for that attention that encouragement that i felt.