Next You' ll Be Telling Me There's A Loch Ness Monster
Sunday, 31. May 2009, 03:18:40
So I find myself standing on the banks of Loch Ness
Arguing with some Japanese tourists who are trying to tell me they know best.
They’ve travelled 3000 miles, convinced the Loch Ness Monster is real.
Who the fuck am I to tell em that the ‘monster’ photo they are clutching is actually a picture of a pregnant seal??
The main man in the group comes up and slaps me across the face.
He tells me that to admit that there’s no monster, means that they will go home in disgrace.
He explains that in Japanese culture, it’s all about saving face.
If he’d asked my advice, I would’ve told him not to come over in the fucking first place!!’
Blowing all that cash for a glimpse of a ‘monster’ that nobody has ever seen face to face!
Things are getting tense. I take a mouthful of beer and look the guy in the eye.
I’m about to try and explain to a Japanese guy, that the ‘monster’ story might actually be a lie
If he asks , then I wont know where to begin to explain why
And it looks like his wife is about to cry.
He tells me that she’s very upset.
16 hours on a jet.
And she hasn’t seen a sniff of a monster yet.
I don’t blame the poor woman!
Bringing her half way round the world and she aint seen no monsters at all!
Back in the hotel room, she smacks her husband a swift right hander to the balls.
Reminds him that her idea was to sign up for the Space Programme
Otherwise, she didn’t wanna go on holiday at all!!
He turns to her and screams ‘I WILL THANK YOU TO REMEMBER’,
YOU'RE NOT JOHN FUCKING DENVER!!
‘I;m sorry my dear’ he says……’I didn’t mean to shout’
‘You know that I love you…….This is something we can work out’
‘You don’t take me seriously anymore’ she said…….
’You told me I had lost the plot’……
’When I told you I had booked my space flight ticket’……
‘Sitting next to the bass player from ZZ Top’!!
‘I told you Richard Branson will be there too……..But that failed to impress you’!!
‘Only thing on your mind is getting back to Scotland, and sitting on the banks of Loch Ness,!
‘Wasting your time and money looking for a ‘monster’ that doesn’t fucking exist’!
What a mess!!
So the couple go their separate ways
To get home to Japan, it takes the guy about 3 days
Jet lag means he is wide awake at 5 in the morning
He logs on to the NASA website……….
His tired eyes are not sure if they are seeing right.
Suddenly an image appears on the screen
An image more real than the Loch Ness Monster has ever been.
‘Holy shit’ he says in Japanese!
‘I think I just saw my wife’!
‘Do you think this is going out across the world on TV, maybe even LIVE??’?
‘If it is, do you think my wife will remember to mention that she is married to me’??
‘Don’t mention Scotland to me’ he says……..’I gotta find my wife a sponsor’!!
‘I don’t wanna hear another word about the Loch Ness fucking Monster’!!
Till the next time friends
Waka
Arguing with some Japanese tourists who are trying to tell me they know best.
They’ve travelled 3000 miles, convinced the Loch Ness Monster is real.
Who the fuck am I to tell em that the ‘monster’ photo they are clutching is actually a picture of a pregnant seal??
The main man in the group comes up and slaps me across the face.
He tells me that to admit that there’s no monster, means that they will go home in disgrace.
He explains that in Japanese culture, it’s all about saving face.
If he’d asked my advice, I would’ve told him not to come over in the fucking first place!!’
Blowing all that cash for a glimpse of a ‘monster’ that nobody has ever seen face to face!
Things are getting tense. I take a mouthful of beer and look the guy in the eye.
I’m about to try and explain to a Japanese guy, that the ‘monster’ story might actually be a lie
If he asks , then I wont know where to begin to explain why
And it looks like his wife is about to cry.
He tells me that she’s very upset.
16 hours on a jet.
And she hasn’t seen a sniff of a monster yet.
I don’t blame the poor woman!
Bringing her half way round the world and she aint seen no monsters at all!
Back in the hotel room, she smacks her husband a swift right hander to the balls.
Reminds him that her idea was to sign up for the Space Programme
Otherwise, she didn’t wanna go on holiday at all!!
He turns to her and screams ‘I WILL THANK YOU TO REMEMBER’,
YOU'RE NOT JOHN FUCKING DENVER!!
‘I;m sorry my dear’ he says……’I didn’t mean to shout’
‘You know that I love you…….This is something we can work out’
‘You don’t take me seriously anymore’ she said…….
’You told me I had lost the plot’……
’When I told you I had booked my space flight ticket’……
‘Sitting next to the bass player from ZZ Top’!!
‘I told you Richard Branson will be there too……..But that failed to impress you’!!
‘Only thing on your mind is getting back to Scotland, and sitting on the banks of Loch Ness,!
‘Wasting your time and money looking for a ‘monster’ that doesn’t fucking exist’!
What a mess!!
So the couple go their separate ways
To get home to Japan, it takes the guy about 3 days
Jet lag means he is wide awake at 5 in the morning
He logs on to the NASA website……….
His tired eyes are not sure if they are seeing right.
Suddenly an image appears on the screen
An image more real than the Loch Ness Monster has ever been.
‘Holy shit’ he says in Japanese!
‘I think I just saw my wife’!
‘Do you think this is going out across the world on TV, maybe even LIVE??’?
‘If it is, do you think my wife will remember to mention that she is married to me’??
‘Don’t mention Scotland to me’ he says……..’I gotta find my wife a sponsor’!!
‘I don’t wanna hear another word about the Loch Ness fucking Monster’!!
Till the next time friends
Waka
(36%)
WIDGETIZE
David # 31. May 2009, 13:08
Wakajawaka # 31. May 2009, 13:18