Thursday, June 30, 2011 4:51:49 PM
Here we are at the end of June, and what a spectacular month it has been. The Dallas Mavericks proved to the world that they can't sing, football and basketball went on strike (naturally), the Greek Empire is about to collapse (again), I asserted my Supernatural Powers by washing 4 cars in one day which produced copious amounts of rain during the worst drought ever seen (make that check payable to "Cash"), and our illustrious Governor saved the unborn children so they can receive whatever education four billion less dollars can buy (mighty proud).
My personal highlight was becoming an honorary citizen of Ohio for a day. I was so pumped I used every household cleaner and chemical I could find to make my very own miniature Lake Erie. I not only got an instant tan, but I rid myself of all that unwanted body hair. I feel like two new people.
Monday, May 16, 2011 8:09:54 PM
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my girlfriend. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.
The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to her what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, her cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my girlfriend to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.
The directions said that:
a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy-bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lill ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution:
There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
PS: My girlfriend can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!
Monday, April 20, 2009 10:07:07 PM
inspirational
A beautiful thing happen Friday night.
I'm serious, freaking way out there. I've called several people about this and I need to put it down on paper. So anyway. I'm picking my boys up at their school carnival tonight. My oldest son has a fascination with all things military and has his face painted in camouflage to match his camouflage t-shirt at the carnival. Kid is ready for Marine Recon. Unfortunately for him the family heritage is Navy Seabee's. Not sure what to do about that. So we leave but I need to stop and get groceries for the weekend, we stop at local Wal-Mart. There is a soldier in combat uniform at the store. We pass each other in the isles and he smiles at my son and nods at me with a smile, eventually we end up in the same check out lane together. Soldier comes up to me and asks if it's okay to speak with my son and give him something. Guy is well into his fifties but smells okay so I give him the thumbs up, but hovering like a hawk. It's at this point that that things get very dramatic. The soldier squats down to eye level with Chase and pulls out a small flag, a flag he carried over his heart since his first combat mission in Panama, and gives it to Chase. Tells big C the flag has been with him in Panama, Grenada, Somalia, Afghanistan Iraq and back to Afghanistan. He's a lifer and he is retiring and is passing his American flag to my son and explains to him how this flag served him while in combat. I'm at a loss for words, this is exceptionally unusual. At this point the two woman in the line were crying, most the men are are trying to hold it together, including myself, and the cashier ain't scanning groceries. I kept thinking, "70' gap 3 gear half pinned to clear it" just to keep myself from breaking into tears. Soldier turns around a takes his combat badge and gives it to Connor. Thanks for not leaving little little C out of this moment. I give the guy my card and tell 'em dinner for you and yours is on me anywhere anytime.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009 8:22:14 PM
It not the critic who counts. Not the one who points out how the strong man stumbled or how the doer of the deeds might have done better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by blood sweat and dust, who strives valiantly but errs and comes short again and again because there is no human endeavor without shortcoming. The man who knows the great enthusiasms – the great devotions, and who, if he wins, knows the triumphs of high achievement and who, if his efforts are checkered by defeat, at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
Teddy Roosevelt
Wednesday, January 14, 2009 8:05:26 PM
Life
Some Do's...[/U]
Do what is right, not what is easiest
Do learn about other cultures, history and habits before judging;
Do ensure both sides have equal say;
Do respect differences of opinions;
Do listen when others try to explain;
Do understand that you can be wrong;
Do try to understand and be appreciative;
Do take responsibility for your action or inaction;
Do ask questions, but politely;
Do remember others have feelings too;
Some Don’ts …[/U]
Don’t act in anger, take time out;
Don’t interrupt when others try to explain
Don’t patronize, show respect;
Don’t look down on others, be level;
Don’t be judgmental, be fair;
Don’t ridicule differing beliefs and attitudes
Don’t dominate, try to accommodate;
Don’t ignore diversity, try to understand it;
Don’t be insulting, be appreciative;
Don’t divide people, integrate them.
Thursday, October 4, 2007 7:37:49 PM
WiMAX, Mobility, Mobile Communications, Mobile WiMAX
WiMAX will revolutionize the wireless communications industry and bring new and exciting competitors to the wireless services market.
What is WiMAX you ask? Officially
WiMAX is defined as
Worldwide Interoperability for Microwave AccessThere are currently two separate standards,
802.16 fixed fixed data communications and
802.16e for mobility. The bits and bites of this are available from the links provided.
WiMAX is what is commonly referred to as a "
Disruptive Technology". WiMAX replaces the current monopoly held by mobile carriers and allows for potential new carriers like
Google (an assumption on my part) to emerge in the mobile market space. This is a very good thing for you and me. Services and functionally will increase and our ability to effectively collaborate and communicate with each other will increase 10 fold, while service costs will be reduced.
My Opera
