Simple Story

Tonight. Tonight was a cheap thrill.

Well, except without the thrill.

Tonight was cheap.


I've discovered that I need imagination, I need interaction, I need laughter, I need engagement. Cheap is just that... what people of lesser quality engage in. I tried to make it better, tried to make it something more than cheap... but then in struck me: No, it's just lame. I left shortly thereafter. What an attempt.

I'm sure in some circles it has intense sociological implications but really, it was just lame. Curious, curious to see if I could... like the last couple of people I've made out with. Really, just seeing if I could. Not really interested much beyond that.

Once you can, the appeal falters. There are qualities you can like, imaginitive things you can come up with for them to do... but only in your imagination. But it's not even in the same species as someone who I can't even dare to mention, for fear of dirtying her name with the cheapness of this post.

I feel more thrill in one text from her than from all the action these past weeks.

Not just her. KLC has done it as well, not quite the same way but nevertheless more fulfilling. I can get off the phone with her and just grin. Likewise, there was a time Lo had such similar effects.

My brain tricked me into believing this is what I wanted, my heart knows wiser. It knows where it belongs, it knows what risks and what travels I should make. It knows that kissing mouths that smoke many cigarrettes never gets better.

It knows I must leave this town and hopes to see my friends again. It knows, few friends live here. It knows that when I act as Knight, as Duke and Prince I feel right with the world. Not arrogant or egotistical but rather comfortable in leadership, comfortable in leading myself, others and standing up for what I know to be right... and occassionaly what I just think is right.

In this way, I act still as child, unable to stand up and be apart of this world in the way I should. In this way, I am a fool, a babe...

I'm not sure what to do now. I need rest but feel no tiredness, I have tasks to complete but my mind is a jumble. Few things offer clarity, I feel myself sinking and seeking. I need to live, I'm going in the wrong direction.

Good night for now.

Yum

Last night.

It began with some friend-o-theatre and a band to be heard. We went forth, drank and danced. I saw the proverbial rabbit hole peek at me on the dance floor. I'm no looker, nor to be watched when dancing but for some odd reason I caught this girl's fancy. I noticed barely, I had been, to be honest in my masculinity, checking out her kind friend with the lowcut tanktop that showed her perfectly cupped.

And yet, she gave me no eyes, not so much as a glance. Her friend, equal in cuteness, did and thus as the song ended and a new one began. A couple song, I grabbed the back of her shirt and asked her to dance. She responded that she had to go to the bathroom. I was unpersuaded and said her friends could go without her, they'd manage.

She agreed. I smiled. We danced.

It's amazing how attraction creates a feedback loop. As we danced, she was more attractive. Again, I must confess that my dance style is similar to a frightened chicken. She was kind and didn't mind. Most importantly, she let me hold her close when it fit. I liked her and as the song ended I asked her name. Katie.

Oh, delightful and fun Katie.

Then back to my friends and dancing and fun. I encountered her again, she had been usurped by a poor drunk fool. Her friends implored that I should rescue her as I watched the dancing. Being an ass, I responded that he could and would probably be able to love her far truer and better than I. Not a complete mistatement but a coward's response nonetheless. Perhaps, I was intrigued by this Audrey that had implored me? No, that couldn't be.

I let the poor sap have his fun, I admit feeling sorry for him knowing he had no chance whatsoever. I guess I felt it was the right thing to do, let him get his little fun tonight. Thinking back, the right thing to do was simply obvious. I should have immediately rescued the girl as any true Knight would. Though I could empathize with the fool who hadn't a chance, it was no excuse.

I did come to her toward the end of the song and danced with her again. I stayed by her side till for that and then the last song. The last song played and I pulled out my phone to get her number. Then my focus was pulled to a friend leaving, I gave them a hug and said goodbye and turned around.

She was gone. Her friends completely out of sight. I rushed toward the exit to see if I could find her. No luck, I went back toward the bar to see if she were near. No.

I bid adieu to my other friends as they left, I had the choice of catching a ride with them but to give up on finding this cute girl so easily seems foolish. On review of the eve, I realize she must have gone for the door with her friends quickly and had I gone with mine our chances of meeting would have been great.

Nevertheless, I searched the bar. I ran into a girl that had been dancing with them and myself at one point. Jackie, the dyed blonde, was fun on the floor. I asked if she knew Katie and she, of course, had no clue. I described her, she recalled the cute girls we had been dancing with. I told her to keep her eyes peeled and continued my search.

A scouring of the bar (sans the women's bathroom, I was eager but not quite *that* eager) revealed no Katie. Alas, I went outside the bar, perhaps her friends and her were mingling?

Outside the bar, I once again encountered Jackie. We joked and spoke after she confirmed no Katie to be found. She then pointed out this tall, lanky looking fin topped boy that she thought was hot. So we made our way over there and struck up a conversation with this guy.

We were laughing and all three joking. He telling me in asides that this girl was "all about me" (she did keep saying I looked like a Jonas Brother) and I unconvinced (I was look for Katie, afterall, not Jackie). And thus I met Chris as Jackie was pulled away by her guy friend (with the buzz cut, as Chris noted).

We continued to chat, I was introduced to his friend H (it escapes me) and Chris reminded me, as I explained my Katie-plight not to be the "One night kinda guy". Such wise words from one drunk to another.

He got his call to depart and I too decided to go, almost all hope lost of finding the elusive one. I began walking toward my home and stopped for food but found the prices and the appeal wanting. I left and proceeded across the street and suddenly encountered Chris again.

He was standing next to this rather delicious smelling cart for food dispensation. One of the gents there informed me that I must have a philly steak sandwhich. I concured and reached for the cash in my pocket. Alas, $3 when $6 was the requirement.

Chris was on his way to meet his friends as this gentleman informed me again that I must have one and I informed him I simply didn't have the funds available. He gave a look of discontent as he instructed me to follow him. Rather than question, I simply did.

We hadn't made it much past 12 or so steps when he encountered another party which he engaged. I tried to listen but was distracted by the look of this most delightful wisp chatting with a gentleman.

She was utterly enchanting... a short, very cute nose accented with a stud, and lovely eyes. I could not help but look at her, being enibriuated likely had some say in my unsocially acceptable glances.

I could overhear her conversation so slightly and chuckled a bit until, to my dismay, she responded positively and approached, interrupting her conversation with the lad she did chat with.

She was even more so inviting than when on the wall she rested. I chatted with her, learning a bit about her. Mostly that the fellow she was with was her ex-boy from east coast, but she had no longer feelings for her.

Kevin, I believe his name was, then recompelled my attention. A few more feet of travel and he had stopped at the ATM. Soon to deposit a $20 bill into my hand with advice, "Pay it forward." -- I smiled, though the full meaning did not strike me till today. I had a feeling, I recalled. You too should be able to figure it out with little need of explanation from me.

And so I took the $20 and his other advice, "take the Misses." I looked to the "misses" -- Andi -- and smiled and with geniune invitation implored. She agreed and leaving her friends she accompanied me to get a cheese steak... oh, after we helped Kevin out. He had to use the restroom but in my town at 2am, there is no such facilities available.

We played sentinal to his sailor on ship side. He was relieved and we bid him fair as I and Andi proceeded down the sidewalk. Andi was then delayed by her friends, jealousy never so effective.

They didn't approve of Emo, me. I despise such designations, though I suppose that's why people make them. She was obviously disappointed in my emo music enjoyment. What she could not have known is that I enjoy rap, punk, hard rock, classical, opera, even some country (though I admit it is little). I enjoy music that moves me, be it in my mind, my heart or my toes. I loathe that which bores me and that's my musical choice.

I ordered a single philly cheese, not expecting her to join me. She proved me wrong and we ordered another before sitting and chatting. I believed her still in love with her boy... it seemed as much to me but she went to great lengths to convince me otherwise. I'm not sure if she surpassed that point where it becomes trying too hard to convince.

It skirted but... did not reach. I should note that her ex-boy who was standing there was totally punk, his mohawk not faux. They dated for 3 years, she informed me but she knew early on that it would not be so. Dubious as this was, I could not help myself. She was alluring, so her words mattered less than her smile.

The steak was done and not soon after so were her friends. They decided to depart the general area, in no small part due to my presence, as they had already been making fun of me. (Though Andi defended her dear emo boy's honor by telling me to respond, "You're just jealous of my hat!" or some such, which I did).

As we sat eating they meandered by and informed us they were going to drink as he spoke to
Andi, "You're invited, you're not." She decided not to finish our meal, rude, and rose to go. I was unperturbed, after-all, it hadn't been my $12 that paid it.

She gave me her number which I input into my phone but insisted I call her at that moment to prove it was really her number. I hadn't questioned the validity of her number, hadn't crossed my mind. I dialed, her phone rang, and I smiled at her. She told me she had Thursdays off and ran after her compatriots.

I ran into a few others before forcing my feet for home. They were the last vestiges of those who sought to be sought. I among them. The last cute faces that were seen were those far too bitter to bare a smile. So, alone I made my way home.

Yet, it was a whirlwind of souls. If every night were so fun, I'd likely go out more oft. Though, likely I'd also wake up with far more hangovers.

Hm. Interesting (and yes, dear Pip did invade some thoughts, nevertheless, far less painful was her grip on me). I am sorry if I did bore, probably lost something in the retelling.

Ciao my darlings.

Yum