Simple Story

I'm not sure if there is... but there probably ought to be a support group for those Perfect Missed Moments. PMMs Anonymous?

Tonight, another excellent acting class. It's funny, acting somehow turns out to be part acting and part support group, maybe part therapy. At the very least, in brings us to be introspective.

Tonight's topic of discussion was about giving ourselves permission to do things. That so often we just don't give ourselves permission to do the things we need to, want to... It's difficult to explain the obstacles that we put up to stop ourselves. We'll play the "I just have to wait till this is done... or the perfect moment... or..." whatever. That often times we just need to do what it is we want, to go after it without ....

I need to give myself permission to be great. To really, just be that. To not sabotage myself, to trust that when I do act, I have the propensity to be really great.

So... when he (our teacher) asked us to think of one thing we could do (anything) that would be giving ourselves permission, I struggled to come up with one thing... but the thing that came up. Was to ask the ... I'm not sure how to describe her. This Southern Princess, this belle, who is our class and who I successfully flirted with when she first saw our class but I dropped the ball ever since.

I just wanted to ask for her email or her number. Not because I'd expect anything from a girl that has a boyfriend but because I feel attracted to her and want to know I can. And each time we started to imagine it, our teacher would remind us to see ourselves overcoming the obstacles.

I did, I imagined it and asked her and she said yes. It was cute and all. She's totally out of my league and all, but she reminds me so very much of an amazing friend from High School. She was a spitfire and likewise out of my league but I loved that girl, she just had a fire and she... likewise, loved me. Of course, it's only taken like 8 years to realize that. She was something special and I see that same sort of fire in this girl. We were great friends, I dated one of her friends and she didn't disembowel me (and believe me, she sure as shit could have).

So... then I had class. My scene was, well-done. I wasn't on fire or anything and was in my head but I was pro. That's the best, when I know I do it well-enough to be in the ballpark. Some weeks, I really have no business being there but this wasn't one. This night, I was.. ya know... a really good bat boy. Heh.


Now... all this build up and that silly story about the girl and what I think I should do... but mind you, there were like 7 scenes between that moment and the end of the night. Further, I had pissed her off when I leaned over her... no biggie but I didn't have a good joke to defuse with (silly boy).

Anyway, I ended up walking her to her car. Quite by accident, she just happened to be parked down where I was... so I walked with her and she tells me that she was really impressed with my scene. It was so sincere and so out of no where that I was genuinely sorta shocked, taken aback. I thanked her and then proceeded to do what I do best.

Get nervous.

I have spoken with her numerous times since she joined our class and I know her backstory and I proceed to ask her how long she's been acting!!! Which, yes, of course, I have already asked her... probably more than once. Hello, Mr. Nervous Nuts, can we get an encore.... she says, "you've already asked me that"

Duuhhh..

"I know... I know.. it's just so hard to believe."

Could you have a little lamer recovery? Please. -- At least it was true.

I asked hwo long she was in LA, four years before the economy went south and she decided to start acting. She met her boyfriend a year and a half ago (this did nothing for the "please mack on me" appeal).

So, my brain was totally off as we turned the corner and I couldn't think of anything to say ... wait, I take that back. I had the brilliant statement: "Which way are you parked?"

That way.

"Oh, me too."

I know, I know, I was on a roll.

We walked a bit further, "Are you sure... jeez how far down are you?"

Yes, that was a great line... she was right there.

I hadn't actually thought anything since we had started walking, not a single intelligent thought crossed my mind. I mean, when you think about it, that's pretty amazing. Here I am, walking with a beautiful girl and completely unable to form an intelligent thought. Well, maybe that is pretty standard.

She wasn't interested in me any deeper than the "nice guy who walks me to my car" kinda way. She was just making good idle chat, as any self-respecting belle of the south would be able to do without a second thought.

"Thanks for walkin me to my car."

"No problem."

And then... she was walking away from me and turned to look at me as I was saying goodnight and walking toward my car... and I could have swear I saw it.

That moment, that "one second too long" that someone looks at you. I didn't even realize what I had registered (apparently her brain-numbing effect doesn't wear off immediately) until I got in my car and started the engine.

Did she just give me a look?

OMG!

Then this genius of charm suddenly realized... you could have asked for her number, you could have found some way to just ask, even if she said no, it would have been nice because she's from the south.

WHAT WAS I NOT THINKING!?

Seriously, I missed out on the most perfect moment I've had in ... months to ask for a girl's number.

Now, I know, and well, anyone who has read this blog for a while knows, that I am not an attractive guy... I mean, I can have my days where I don't look halfway decent, where Lo would get me dressed up and you might be able to pass me off as someone cute. This girl is hands down 10, no chance or anything but the chance to ask for her number, as I had just imagined not 3 hours before was RIGHT THERE!

All I can really do now is laugh. How... utterly ridiculous. To have the chance literally walking next to me and I am so oblivious to it that she walks right up to her car and drives away.

HELLO?! LOSER BOY?! no no... a loser wouldn't have had the guts to do it... No, I would have had the guts.... but I was too CLUELESS. Totally, utterly, completely, unfathomably, ridiculously, sadly clueless.

Where's a clue when you need one?

I should be demoted from boyhood to like, childhood, for this complete blasphemy.

"Welcome to Kindergarten."

"Aren't you a little old to be here?"

"Yeah... well, I sorta kinda missed the perfect opportunity to ask the prettiest girl to like... ya know... be my friend or maybe hangout or whate..."

"Wow... what an idiot."

"Stupid Kindergartener"

Yeah... I can just see it now.

Oh, well.

I give myself permission to make ridiculous fun of myself for missing the perfect opportunity to just... be me... well, the cooler me, the great me.

For now, I hope my story helps provide some clueless boys out there a simple check they can do...

1. Are you walking with a gorgeous girl?
2. Are you engaged in a conversation?
3. Did she compliment you... even if it was just to be nice?

If yes to all 3, then - Have you got her email, phone, fav coffee spot/time? - WHY NOT?

Good day my friends... may we not miss such perfect moments again!

Yum