Simple Story

So, like, a couple days ago my best friend in the whole world decided that we should no longer be friends.

Okay, cool, I mean, what can you do up against such a statement and action? I didn't just say, "get lost" but I am lost myself now.

I'm sitting here at work and having a bonafide KLC Panic Attack... I mean, isn't that how it happens when you supress it, it just sneaks up on you and bites you when you least expect it. This girl has become my heartbeat, my sunshine and so much more and now she's gone... it's foggy, pea soup. Literally and figuratively.

I tried to express to her how much she means to me but she seems set on her preemptive strike... she knows I'm going to LA and now it's for real, before it was just talk, so she decided that since I was going to stop being her friend when I got there that she'd just do it first.

She can use her powers to see into the future when I start ignoring her because I'm so busy with shows, and girls and whatever else may lie in wait. But this precludes the fact that she doesn't know me and doesn't know who she is to me.

I've been punched in the gut, I'm wondering, is going worth this? I could give up everything else but her?

Before I lead you on to much, we've always had a long distance friendship... odd how that works out.. She lives in Ohio, I here in Colorado and now I'd be living in LA. All of a sudden we can't be friends. I'm trying to be a man about it. I am being a man about it, I'm giving her space, letting her be with her thoughts and actions but all I want to do is call her up, text her, email her and say, "WTF?"

But for some reason, she thinks the trust is broken, the sacred confidence that allows friendship to flourish and grow... she seems under the impression it is no more. I know that's not true and I feel lost without her. If anything, she's creating her own prophecy. Her belief that it is gone will create a rift where there was none.

I'm panicked, the damn girl makes me want to bust into tears at work, surrounded by coworkers.

...

Part of going to LA for me is stopping my attitude of just letting things happen to me and choosing what happens to me, for better or for worse, making fate mine. Just as I did with Pippy, I ran into her recently and it's not the way I want but it was still on my terms, just not my way. I guess I need to apply that attitude to this situation. Ask myself, is this girl worth all the fucking trouble?

Yeah. She's been my close friend for almost 2 and a half years and this whole preemptive strike has to do with her insecurity, not my lack of love. I love this girl, I'm unnaturally addicted to her and damn it she's going to have to look me in the eye and say get lost before I give up.

That's it. I guess I just decided what to do, now how to do it....

Panic attack over... insanity begun!

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