Midsummer Madness
Friday, 27. June 2008, 06:31:41
A few days ago was the anniversary of meeting Pippy. We texted back and forth, she's still as powerful a drug as I recall. Still foolishly lost for her.
That's not the purpose of this account today. Though small communiques are exhilerating, they are just small bites of time that I hope and pray envelop her as her's envelop me. If I'm doing anything right, then I'm simply driving her mad by persistently reminding her of me and encourgaging that feedback loop. Of course, she could be doing the same to me... alas, that's simply not the case, otherwise wouldn't we be lost for eachother? Heh. What a bewondering wonder to have.
My job ended two days ago.
I walked in and the General (my boss) gave me a head nod. I had arrived to work promptly on time, that is to say, whenever I wanted. I play the role of Independent Contractor. One of the keys in determining whether you're actually an Independent Contractor is that your employer doesn't determine when, where and how to work. (Employee vs Indy)
Now, I've fit many of the other criteria for 'employee' on that list but the number one is the when, where and how. I've forgone vacation days, sick leave, 401(k), medical insurance, dental insurance, and having taxes witheld by the corporation all for one huge compensation in my lifestyle, "I set my schedule." -- There are certainly tasks which must be done in a timely manner. The way it is supposed to work with contractors is simply that those tasks get defined and a deadline is set.
Blah, blah, blah.... Essentially, my boss broke the cardinal rule, he said when I must be in. I did not respond with legal speak but with simple benefits analysis. I highly valued being able to set my own schedule and they were going to take that away from me, was there going to be any incentive?
The response came in corporate speak, "We'd have to reevaluate your contract and I'd hate to see you leave." Now, legally, at the point he gave me the order to arrive at 9am, every day, and I accepted. He hired me as an employee. Will the IRS care? No.
It was made clear to me, that if I wanted to keep my job, I would have to accept these new terms. Basically, I just got screwed. Now, some would say, "About time you have to be responsible and show up on a schedule." I'd respond, if I were feeling so inclined, "I always showed up on time, whenever I chose to come in, was the right time." -- And that is technically correct, as long as I was fufilling the obligations of the contract (which was very loosely defined).
Most people don't understand this complex legal arrangement, the truth is it isn't that complex. Employeers just use the system illictly to provide themselves a break on benefits and taxes, handing them off to the employee.
Employees can't really fight it because they usually need a job. When it's used by Independent Contractors who are really in need, it works right. When it's used by businesses to fill in a low-paying job without providing employee benefits, it's an abuse.
Alas, why did the Yum not make a stink? Why didn't I stand up for my rights and say, No? Well, because I wanted to keep my job. Quite simply, it's better to make this concession and earn more cash for a couple weeks than quit outright. I sat their in the General's office contemplating this, quickly (as I was surprised by this meeting) and decided that with the threat of losing my job, it was far better to "take it" (in the ass, in this case) than jump with no parachute.
I'm disgusted. I'm bitter and I shan't last long in this new environment. No one there shall see the difference, so I'm there at 9am and must request time off before I may actually take it. I'll know and it has already seriously bothered me these last two days.
Alas, I want to keep up good relations. The industry is small and pissing off a few people in the right places is very damaging. So, I'll keep my trap shut and give my notice in two weeks with the excuse of departing Colorado Springs. Inside, I'm deeply offended at this slight of hand and manipulation. It's inexcusably disgusting and if I am ever in a position to exact a well-earned payback, I certainly shall.
It's despicable.
It's morally offense, certainly, but practicality dictates the alternative is more damaging to me than to them.
I suppose I write this as a reminder of some future self as to why I'm giving up any chance for Pippy's kiss.
I knew I wanted to leave for LA sometime this year, if I were to ever do it. I admit the motivation was strong but was it strong enough to break the bonds of mundane but safe existence? Strong enough to cause me to take what may be the biggest risk to date in my life? Strong enough to seriously motivate action? I think so but this change leaves little doubt. There is no other choice. I could beg for a regular paying position, to become an employee and stay on for years, eventually making what I actually deserve to be earning.
It's a skin-crawling, back-chilling existenance. One that is unacceptable. In a way this is a gift.
My life as it exists in this place is so-so. I have few friends who live here, few I can call friends. I know many people. I can hardly walk down the street some nights without running into someone I know. Yet, friends in this city, people to call up and joke with or hang out with, I can hardly count on one hand. I can usually make do with these half-friends, spending time idlying away with them. Then there are theatre show-friends. Those friends you make during a show that you hold tighter than some dear cousin and yet, the show ends... so ends your friendship.
Perhaps this is partly due to my own neglect. I have some drunk-friends. People who's friendliness cannot be outdone after a few PBRs and rounds of beer-pong.
But what of these friends, we speak and think of so fondly, that come to you, laugh with you (and sometimes appropriately at you), that support your bold moves and even your foolish follies? What of these friends that brace you in your days of pain and lift you, love you in those days of joy?
Lo, Hannah, Pippy (vaguely but subtly so), hmm, run out. Hannah leaves on the morrow for England. Pippy is a love who dares not love back. Lo, a jewel who is possessed by too many and shan't last long here either.
I know it's not my town. I know I shall find more in my city of angels. Yet fear is a powerful preventor. Even now, I am slowly letting the reality sink in, in just over a month, I shall be gone. It's hard to believe after so many years but I feel if I accept it as an eventuality, not as an idea or a desire, but simply what is going to come to pass that it shall.
And what shall I miss of this mundane mediocrity masked by marvelous mountains (whoa, slow it down on the alliteration there, I know)?
First and foremost, my heart, my Pippy. Need I say more of her?
Lo, who's friendship confunds me. After all we've been through, we still share some pieces of our soul. I somehow doubt that shall ever be revoked. She's going to leave anyway, though more toward the mid-fall than now.
My family, the couple that remain here. They are precious.
The views. It is beautiful here, so gorgeous sometimes that I cannot believe I'm not in that movie you once saw.
The comfort. It's safe.... many years ago I discovered I could no longer get lost in this town. You know the feeling when you aren't sure where you are? The utter mystery, the excitement as you take in views for the very first time. Be it as simple as a street with unrecognized houses and no sense of direction. I can still find a suburb or two that can confuse me for a few minutes, where I can avoid main roads and keep myself disoriented but... forcing myself to be lost? Heh, those foggy nights are short (daytime and sometimes just clear skies make it impossible).
Some of those half-friends, I shall surely miss, and those long theatre nights and clubs and being a townie.
Pippy is the trick, of course. We've all met people we can see the rest of our lives with? I used to dream of asking her father for her hand... it'd often have widely varying outcomes. From "About time," to a long montage of being chased with a Bugs Bunny style musket that kept going off and blowing up chunks of wall near my head. It always ended with her smile.
Destiny struck hard on my head when she walked by that day a year ago. Would I stay for her? No, no, no. I'd go for her. How I feel about her would only serve to strengthen my resolve to go. She's always made me do what I thought was best and right and good... sometimes great.
Today, as I sat working I got one of those nearly forgotten chills that froze me. A kiss on the spine by faraway lips. You must smile when filled with this feeling. I stopped and explained outloud as I sat alone with no reason to be thinking about her at all. I had just been typing a report on equipment testing on a laptop, was focused on my task, no mind wandering, no phone beeping, no instant message. Simply, without reason, there she was.
"Pippy, this is the problem with you. This is what's right and what's wrong. I can just be sitting here and have you come visit like this and it's absolutely infuriating." -- I'm sure she'd think I was mad if she ever knew how much I thought of her. Not as crushes dote on their untouchable desires but as a man ponders the woman who sends him a text message and interrupts his thoughts. (Pip! Come on, that was going to be so good and you totally have to interrupt to tell me you're leaving for Ky on the 7th? Can't be anything more important? Gah)
Just the woman he wants to interupt his thoughts. I care for her so deeply it almost scares me. She cannot love me this much, can she? I guess, I know in my heart, she can but not whether she does. Some days, there's no doubt... she can't stand how much she adores me, thinks about me, wishes for my kiss or even just the smell of me. Other days, she barely even bothers using the word "will", so forgotten am I.
-
I think I might have a thing for this girl... Whoa, calm it down. Send her back your honest text and wait again for her reply.
As to leaving this locale. What a destiny... fate so calmly intervenes and I again follow the wind. I can feel in my bones it is the right time, I've no wish to leave Pip. She'd always be an impossible one to leave.
I suppose I'll meet other excellent substitutes and such. Hopefully, so much so that this offense against writing is only but a memory and not so tangible in the cells I'm made up of. I can feel Pippy like no one I've felt before. The girl that follows that shall be more amazing than I can dare to type about.
Pippy said to me once, I've recounted here before so forgive the repetition, that when she first saw me she said, "that boy is going to change my life." -- I wish I could say I've had some effect on her life, some lasting good influence, some important life lesson, some amazing love she's never felt nor ever shall feel again but I think she was wrong. She changed my life. I know, I can be amazing. If I can touch those lips and live to tell the tale, I know I can be an amazing force in this world. I was able to do things with her I couldn't have imagined. Sometimes such simple things. Hell, she motivated me to become far better at scaling castle walls and my body shall surely thank her for that (along with all the girls who get to enjoy the fruits of that labor). In our relatively few interactions, there was depth greater than some shall ever dare to dream about and knowing it is there I feel I can strive for it again and again.
I think my thought when I first saw Pippy was just "wow" and she did change my life. I wish like hell she'd keep it up.
An hour has past since I started my fingers on this. It's time to rest, you too might consider resting your eyes after making it this far. I apologise to Fluffy and Anna and any others who dared to dive this deep.
That's not the purpose of this account today. Though small communiques are exhilerating, they are just small bites of time that I hope and pray envelop her as her's envelop me. If I'm doing anything right, then I'm simply driving her mad by persistently reminding her of me and encourgaging that feedback loop. Of course, she could be doing the same to me... alas, that's simply not the case, otherwise wouldn't we be lost for eachother? Heh. What a bewondering wonder to have.
My job ended two days ago.
I walked in and the General (my boss) gave me a head nod. I had arrived to work promptly on time, that is to say, whenever I wanted. I play the role of Independent Contractor. One of the keys in determining whether you're actually an Independent Contractor is that your employer doesn't determine when, where and how to work. (Employee vs Indy)
Now, I've fit many of the other criteria for 'employee' on that list but the number one is the when, where and how. I've forgone vacation days, sick leave, 401(k), medical insurance, dental insurance, and having taxes witheld by the corporation all for one huge compensation in my lifestyle, "I set my schedule." -- There are certainly tasks which must be done in a timely manner. The way it is supposed to work with contractors is simply that those tasks get defined and a deadline is set.
Blah, blah, blah.... Essentially, my boss broke the cardinal rule, he said when I must be in. I did not respond with legal speak but with simple benefits analysis. I highly valued being able to set my own schedule and they were going to take that away from me, was there going to be any incentive?
The response came in corporate speak, "We'd have to reevaluate your contract and I'd hate to see you leave." Now, legally, at the point he gave me the order to arrive at 9am, every day, and I accepted. He hired me as an employee. Will the IRS care? No.
It was made clear to me, that if I wanted to keep my job, I would have to accept these new terms. Basically, I just got screwed. Now, some would say, "About time you have to be responsible and show up on a schedule." I'd respond, if I were feeling so inclined, "I always showed up on time, whenever I chose to come in, was the right time." -- And that is technically correct, as long as I was fufilling the obligations of the contract (which was very loosely defined).
Most people don't understand this complex legal arrangement, the truth is it isn't that complex. Employeers just use the system illictly to provide themselves a break on benefits and taxes, handing them off to the employee.
Employees can't really fight it because they usually need a job. When it's used by Independent Contractors who are really in need, it works right. When it's used by businesses to fill in a low-paying job without providing employee benefits, it's an abuse.
Alas, why did the Yum not make a stink? Why didn't I stand up for my rights and say, No? Well, because I wanted to keep my job. Quite simply, it's better to make this concession and earn more cash for a couple weeks than quit outright. I sat their in the General's office contemplating this, quickly (as I was surprised by this meeting) and decided that with the threat of losing my job, it was far better to "take it" (in the ass, in this case) than jump with no parachute.
I'm disgusted. I'm bitter and I shan't last long in this new environment. No one there shall see the difference, so I'm there at 9am and must request time off before I may actually take it. I'll know and it has already seriously bothered me these last two days.
Alas, I want to keep up good relations. The industry is small and pissing off a few people in the right places is very damaging. So, I'll keep my trap shut and give my notice in two weeks with the excuse of departing Colorado Springs. Inside, I'm deeply offended at this slight of hand and manipulation. It's inexcusably disgusting and if I am ever in a position to exact a well-earned payback, I certainly shall.
It's despicable.
It's morally offense, certainly, but practicality dictates the alternative is more damaging to me than to them.
I suppose I write this as a reminder of some future self as to why I'm giving up any chance for Pippy's kiss.
I knew I wanted to leave for LA sometime this year, if I were to ever do it. I admit the motivation was strong but was it strong enough to break the bonds of mundane but safe existence? Strong enough to cause me to take what may be the biggest risk to date in my life? Strong enough to seriously motivate action? I think so but this change leaves little doubt. There is no other choice. I could beg for a regular paying position, to become an employee and stay on for years, eventually making what I actually deserve to be earning.
It's a skin-crawling, back-chilling existenance. One that is unacceptable. In a way this is a gift.
My life as it exists in this place is so-so. I have few friends who live here, few I can call friends. I know many people. I can hardly walk down the street some nights without running into someone I know. Yet, friends in this city, people to call up and joke with or hang out with, I can hardly count on one hand. I can usually make do with these half-friends, spending time idlying away with them. Then there are theatre show-friends. Those friends you make during a show that you hold tighter than some dear cousin and yet, the show ends... so ends your friendship.
Perhaps this is partly due to my own neglect. I have some drunk-friends. People who's friendliness cannot be outdone after a few PBRs and rounds of beer-pong.
But what of these friends, we speak and think of so fondly, that come to you, laugh with you (and sometimes appropriately at you), that support your bold moves and even your foolish follies? What of these friends that brace you in your days of pain and lift you, love you in those days of joy?
Lo, Hannah, Pippy (vaguely but subtly so), hmm, run out. Hannah leaves on the morrow for England. Pippy is a love who dares not love back. Lo, a jewel who is possessed by too many and shan't last long here either.
I know it's not my town. I know I shall find more in my city of angels. Yet fear is a powerful preventor. Even now, I am slowly letting the reality sink in, in just over a month, I shall be gone. It's hard to believe after so many years but I feel if I accept it as an eventuality, not as an idea or a desire, but simply what is going to come to pass that it shall.
And what shall I miss of this mundane mediocrity masked by marvelous mountains (whoa, slow it down on the alliteration there, I know)?
First and foremost, my heart, my Pippy. Need I say more of her?
Lo, who's friendship confunds me. After all we've been through, we still share some pieces of our soul. I somehow doubt that shall ever be revoked. She's going to leave anyway, though more toward the mid-fall than now.
My family, the couple that remain here. They are precious.
The views. It is beautiful here, so gorgeous sometimes that I cannot believe I'm not in that movie you once saw.
The comfort. It's safe.... many years ago I discovered I could no longer get lost in this town. You know the feeling when you aren't sure where you are? The utter mystery, the excitement as you take in views for the very first time. Be it as simple as a street with unrecognized houses and no sense of direction. I can still find a suburb or two that can confuse me for a few minutes, where I can avoid main roads and keep myself disoriented but... forcing myself to be lost? Heh, those foggy nights are short (daytime and sometimes just clear skies make it impossible).
Some of those half-friends, I shall surely miss, and those long theatre nights and clubs and being a townie.
Pippy is the trick, of course. We've all met people we can see the rest of our lives with? I used to dream of asking her father for her hand... it'd often have widely varying outcomes. From "About time," to a long montage of being chased with a Bugs Bunny style musket that kept going off and blowing up chunks of wall near my head. It always ended with her smile.
Destiny struck hard on my head when she walked by that day a year ago. Would I stay for her? No, no, no. I'd go for her. How I feel about her would only serve to strengthen my resolve to go. She's always made me do what I thought was best and right and good... sometimes great.
Today, as I sat working I got one of those nearly forgotten chills that froze me. A kiss on the spine by faraway lips. You must smile when filled with this feeling. I stopped and explained outloud as I sat alone with no reason to be thinking about her at all. I had just been typing a report on equipment testing on a laptop, was focused on my task, no mind wandering, no phone beeping, no instant message. Simply, without reason, there she was.
"Pippy, this is the problem with you. This is what's right and what's wrong. I can just be sitting here and have you come visit like this and it's absolutely infuriating." -- I'm sure she'd think I was mad if she ever knew how much I thought of her. Not as crushes dote on their untouchable desires but as a man ponders the woman who sends him a text message and interrupts his thoughts. (Pip! Come on, that was going to be so good and you totally have to interrupt to tell me you're leaving for Ky on the 7th? Can't be anything more important? Gah)
Just the woman he wants to interupt his thoughts. I care for her so deeply it almost scares me. She cannot love me this much, can she? I guess, I know in my heart, she can but not whether she does. Some days, there's no doubt... she can't stand how much she adores me, thinks about me, wishes for my kiss or even just the smell of me. Other days, she barely even bothers using the word "will", so forgotten am I.
-
I think I might have a thing for this girl... Whoa, calm it down. Send her back your honest text and wait again for her reply.
As to leaving this locale. What a destiny... fate so calmly intervenes and I again follow the wind. I can feel in my bones it is the right time, I've no wish to leave Pip. She'd always be an impossible one to leave.
I suppose I'll meet other excellent substitutes and such. Hopefully, so much so that this offense against writing is only but a memory and not so tangible in the cells I'm made up of. I can feel Pippy like no one I've felt before. The girl that follows that shall be more amazing than I can dare to type about.
Pippy said to me once, I've recounted here before so forgive the repetition, that when she first saw me she said, "that boy is going to change my life." -- I wish I could say I've had some effect on her life, some lasting good influence, some important life lesson, some amazing love she's never felt nor ever shall feel again but I think she was wrong. She changed my life. I know, I can be amazing. If I can touch those lips and live to tell the tale, I know I can be an amazing force in this world. I was able to do things with her I couldn't have imagined. Sometimes such simple things. Hell, she motivated me to become far better at scaling castle walls and my body shall surely thank her for that (along with all the girls who get to enjoy the fruits of that labor). In our relatively few interactions, there was depth greater than some shall ever dare to dream about and knowing it is there I feel I can strive for it again and again.
I think my thought when I first saw Pippy was just "wow" and she did change my life. I wish like hell she'd keep it up.
An hour has past since I started my fingers on this. It's time to rest, you too might consider resting your eyes after making it this far. I apologise to Fluffy and Anna and any others who dared to dive this deep.
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