No title
Friday, 2. May 2008, 06:15:53
I've had this feeling all day.
IT's a feeling I'm not quite sure how to describe but as I was driving home, just before the clock would read 12:00am I felt like I pegged it.
Death.
I've had the feeling death is nearby. In the room with me. What's death doing nearby?
The last time I felt so ... similar ... was September 10th of 2001. I've had bad spells since then but none so bad. I woke up to a very strange world. I'm almost, almost, afraid to go to sleep. I want to talk to someone, have someone break this spell. It's as if in sparing me the world pays. Wow, so very odd. To even think it must mean somehow I'm crazy.
Yet, as I stepped out of the car, looked around the city, saw the lights on the distant mountains. Glanced in that familiar direction where I know my dearest Pippy softly sleeps so far from me, I could have sworn death asked me, Now?
Surely this is just a manifestation of change to come, I know I'm going to move soon, going to start "a new life" -- with the death of the current. To change, to grow and to move beyond this present.
I can't help but think she still stopped by. Asking me to stop and chat with her, knowing that if I did I'd be done. Instead, I didn't hesitate one step. The porch light was out and my roommate's asleep. Both unusual for the last seconds of this very odd May Day.
I woke up to sunshine coming in the window. I tried to pull myself out of bed then but lacking motivation I fell asleep again. When I awoke again it was a blizzard outside. Heavy snow blowing sideways, cold wind bitterly pressing the damp flakes to the sides of your clothes. A long day, turning into a hazy evening and finally into a plain just odd moment. Then a truly awe full moment.
My lighthouse, KLC, is fast asleep. Three tolls to her phone did nothing to wake her. Lo off to see "what she is" -- for she knows, "I am what I am." I can feel the weight heavy on my heart. Literally, pushing down toward the surface of our planet.
Does death so visit without taking?
So much is hidden from me, so little do I feel like I can grab hold of. So I simply repeat that hair tingling explaination for a feeling with none... death has been near all day. But why?
But, why?
IT's a feeling I'm not quite sure how to describe but as I was driving home, just before the clock would read 12:00am I felt like I pegged it.
Death.
I've had the feeling death is nearby. In the room with me. What's death doing nearby?
The last time I felt so ... similar ... was September 10th of 2001. I've had bad spells since then but none so bad. I woke up to a very strange world. I'm almost, almost, afraid to go to sleep. I want to talk to someone, have someone break this spell. It's as if in sparing me the world pays. Wow, so very odd. To even think it must mean somehow I'm crazy.
Yet, as I stepped out of the car, looked around the city, saw the lights on the distant mountains. Glanced in that familiar direction where I know my dearest Pippy softly sleeps so far from me, I could have sworn death asked me, Now?
Surely this is just a manifestation of change to come, I know I'm going to move soon, going to start "a new life" -- with the death of the current. To change, to grow and to move beyond this present.
I can't help but think she still stopped by. Asking me to stop and chat with her, knowing that if I did I'd be done. Instead, I didn't hesitate one step. The porch light was out and my roommate's asleep. Both unusual for the last seconds of this very odd May Day.
I woke up to sunshine coming in the window. I tried to pull myself out of bed then but lacking motivation I fell asleep again. When I awoke again it was a blizzard outside. Heavy snow blowing sideways, cold wind bitterly pressing the damp flakes to the sides of your clothes. A long day, turning into a hazy evening and finally into a plain just odd moment. Then a truly awe full moment.
My lighthouse, KLC, is fast asleep. Three tolls to her phone did nothing to wake her. Lo off to see "what she is" -- for she knows, "I am what I am." I can feel the weight heavy on my heart. Literally, pushing down toward the surface of our planet.
Does death so visit without taking?
So much is hidden from me, so little do I feel like I can grab hold of. So I simply repeat that hair tingling explaination for a feeling with none... death has been near all day. But why?
But, why?
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By anna.yes, # 3. May 2008, 08:57:09
By WillYum, # 9. May 2008, 02:57:19