sorta sad

I could almost cry right now. Doesn't it suck, when you know you're getting what you deserve from the stupid choices you make? I've done something real dumb. I don't know how to make this long story a short one. How do I tell him I said no, but gave up refusing. How do I tell him I didn't want to, but wasn't entirely raped. How do I tell him that.... and why does it matter. I never had him in the first place. Why would he call one day and when nothing has seemed to change ignore me the next and the next? Was he just afraid he didn't have friends here anymore? Is he afraid I wouldn't understand? Is he right? How do I say anything to him? Do I just let him go his way and stop bothering him. Will I always wonder what could have been? I hate when you feel like you need to tell your soul to someone who doesn't want to hear you whisper. I can't stand feeling like there might have been something else I could've done. Or that there was a way that I could have done things "right" and i failed.

Vultures in my garden.....Figures that I know them... And it is what it is...