And so I lost my all......

Wednesday, 21. May 2008, 06:47:21

First of all and the most important thing - I LOVE YOU, GUYS. You’re one of the biggest treasures in my life.
Opera has given me a huge life experience.
For 9 months here my heart was broken twice, in the most soifisticated way. I’ve fallen in love, made friends, met awesome people, found the best idad possible, became a member of an angels gang, obtained best sisters ever.
I feel here at home, feel loved.

But. But.

I gotta leave you for quite some time…
I’m lost in “offline” life, I just don’t see the way. I’m stuck and hate it. I thought I can handle, can beat the blues but I can’t.
I was also lied to and betrayed here, on Opera. Not by my friends, thanks god, but by those who claimed they love me. I was told to “fuck off”, was used and abused which rarely happens to me in the real life. I was cheated on. I have never cried so much in my life…
Oh well, I wish I had the “it’s-only-online” attitude but I’m taking it all too damn serious. Those things don’t help to cure the soul from depression, you know.
I’ve always lived in imaginary world and after finding this community things got worse. It slowly substitutes reality. When I’m going out with friends I can only seat still for 10 minutes, after that I get a cell out of my bag and get to Opera…

I wish I could embrace the world, could come to each one of you and say right in the face how much I’m in love with you all.
Mik, Kimmie, Kerstin, Angeliki, Karen, Amir, Marcus, Jose, Cois, Likeleli, Leo, Kiran, Hitesha, Dannii, Stomyr, Sukku, Darko, Ripp, Foxy and many many more, I just can’t concentrate and write down all names, sorry if somene’s missed in this list…

One thing I’ve understood (well it’s more than just one thing but this is the most important)-without love I’m nothing I hope I’ll find someone who sticks to his words and promises, who can make my world full of colors again. I don’t really ask for many things. I’m just panicky scared to get broken-hearted again. Don’t wanna feel this bitter taste of disappointment no more.

I want to feel LIFE, feel it running through my fingers like a warm ocean sand. I want to inject it to my veins, let it flow in my blood.
I must come back to the basics, find my self, start making my dreams and plans real.
I gotta go and tell my “offline” friends I love and care for them. Give my mom a hug.
I must stop crying over broken glass, it can’t be fixed anyway. But it can’t be replaced in my heart either….
I need to get infected with happiness, I so need it, oh Heaven!

I can’t talk, can’t pretend I’m fine, can’t smile no more, that’s why I’m leaving, taking a break.

I need to cut Internet down and concentrate on my goals.
That’s why I’m gonna be absent from Saturday, May 24th till the time when I get better.

Yours forever, Sad Blonde Angel

Which Pussycat Doll am I?Final

Comments

...I love Opera too

Angel...know that someday i well meet you

and be out of the Cabernet world

but ...but i hope you get your life on track and get good to go

...one thing is that writing your feeling`s helps to get out the pain so thanX for letting us know your feelings

You well always be an Angel to me no matter what

i wish i could write more but...

oww well I`m sure you well be good to go in no time

May you find your goals ASAP

-Amir

...Will miss you

By night wolf, # 21. May 2008, 07:02:42

"sorry if somene’s missed in this list"

I hope one day we*ll become good frıends here:)

We`ll miss you!!!! Do not be absent for a long time!!!

Everything will be OK! Don`t cry too much!!!! Your beautiful eyes should be happy!!!!!!!

By Olgita, # 21. May 2008, 07:08:08

Alla! I'll miss you so much *I've got tears in my eyes*, but you've to do what you think is the best for you. I love you...you are the sis I've never had, and I really hope you'll be coming back some day. Hopefully we'll keep in touch anyways. *tears running on my chin*

Anyways, you'll reach every single goal. I'm sure of that! I believe in you! You've got the potential to reach anything!

*HUGS*

By MizzMartinez, # 21. May 2008, 07:09:09

Very sad post....

By Olgita, # 21. May 2008, 07:09:24

Sweetie - only online does not apply here. Only online applies to tiny things and matters of cowardice. It does not apply to hurt, at all! Take as much time as you need. We'll still all be here, you know. The important thing is for you to feel okay.
I love you, and I'm one of many who does so. Fuck the bastard that broke your heart - it's their loss.
Come home soon, Princess.

By Spaggyj, # 21. May 2008, 07:09:33

Although I'm sad to see you go, that's only the selfish part of me. The majority of me is happy for you and hopeful that you will find exactly what it is you're looking for.

All of us know how deserving you are of true happiness.

Don't even think twice about it! Just go on and do what you need to do for YOU. I love you lots and will always be here for you.

By Nerak, # 21. May 2008, 07:18:52

I don't have much to add or would say..
I'll maybe miss you though..

By Cois, # 21. May 2008, 07:54:06

without love I'm nothing

Just for that you're grounded. Without love you're you, same as you've always been. And it's that "youness" that will make people fall for you.

Saying you're nothing without love leads to believing it. And when you believe it, so will most other people because you'll send that message out. Worse than that, it diminishes you in your own eyes. Your self worth should never be measured by how others view you.

Love yourself alone and realise you don't need people, but they're a lovely little added extra in life. That way you'll learn to be happy alone and ecstatic with someone. And then the right one wont be able to resist you, and I'll get a nice fat dowry.

By Furie, # 21. May 2008, 09:20:27

Lord Furie is right. I agree with everything He has written! *bows*

By MizzMartinez, # 21. May 2008, 09:22:04

I'm already missing you

GET BETTER SOON

By Stomyr, # 21. May 2008, 09:24:09

I have heard for a saying that real happiness is when everyone loves you a little, no one too much and someone quite enough.
Everyone has its own way of finding its own peace. I hope you will find yours soon and come back again to be with us.
Blog thing is alive thing, it changes as we change and when things in our lives forces the change.
We will wait for you.

By gdare, # 21. May 2008, 09:38:07

Dearest Alla,
the time comes that we all let our guard down and we can be hurt . That only makes us wiser.
You decision to walk away ,step back and regroup it is the best you can do.
There is no substitute for the real human face to face interaction,
unless your job allows you to have fun during working hours you can end up with no free time to enjoy the real life that DOES exist out side the four walls.

Internet is a tool.It should be used wisely .
It should never become an addiction.

Some members have loved ones in their lives,
they have precious companions that help them raise their kids with emotional and financial support,
however they risk their relationship by spending 6-8 hours talking to other members that not only have a life of their own but they are also nothing like they claim to be.It is sad to see it happening daily.
If I had a person in my life to love me and help me emotionally I would have thrown Yahoo out of the window a long time ago.There is nothing like the real love....
Alla always remember,
a picture, an email address, an IM and a few messages do make us nothing more than two strangers that just kill time.
Never forget it.It is not real.Unless you face happiness or sadness with a person, share responsibilities and he sees you in your worse possible time(like having the flu), you do not have a relationship.It's good time but not real.

All the best,
Good Luck,
God be with you.
you sis Angeliki

P.S.
I might not see you at Opera but I will always keep in touch and I will always love care about you.

By ellinidata, # 21. May 2008, 11:36:36

Plz don't go.

By avl_wamp, # 21. May 2008, 12:30:09

I'm sorry u got hurt, Alla. People can be so cruel when u can't really see them

By rhona, # 21. May 2008, 12:34:49

Although you might not read this...

...
...
...
...

My silence is with you. Everyone is free to do whatever feel the best thing, just please don't hurt anyone. You are as free as you wish, Allangie, and I am with you. When you find yourself, you will never be alone anymore. Enjoy your inner moments the same way you enjoyed being here.

Love you. Deeply and silently.

By FoxM, # 21. May 2008, 15:13:23

Hi Alla, sorry to read of you sadness

...
...may you find your colours...take the days in 'your' stride...
i agree,nearly, wth all that has been said thus far and a huge howdy to everyone..

Given the circumstance it doesn't seem appropriate, yet may i say, Its a brilliant post..thankyou....i share stomyr's thoughts...and totally agree with MizzMartinez..Mik has words to help you move forward...
seize them sister.

I feel for you, my lovely little added extra in life.
.........Henry..

........

By AOTEAROAnz, # 21. May 2008, 20:41:06

I feel sad to here that you are leaving us for a while, but at the same time I know how you feel.

I sometimes feel like that, spending too much time on line, some times i could not even get see my own real life freinds because i spend too much time on Opera. But on the other side i met all my freinds on here that understand me an do not judge.

For sure we will still talk to each other.

Their is always the ocational email.

By jrd2498, # 21. May 2008, 21:59:49

Some of my Opera friends are throwing me a belated birthday party on my blog in the most recent mobile post.
At least come by for cake and coffee before you go.
Hopefully you may change your mind, there are many here who would be heartbroken if you left.

By avl_wamp, # 22. May 2008, 04:17:13

Alla, I hope you get better soon...
We will miss you, but if this is what will help you, go ahead! I'm sure you'll achieve all your goals and you'll come back as a new, cheerful Alla. We will be waiting for you

See you soon, lovely blond angel

By blondpony, # 22. May 2008, 12:53:15

Don't leave us, Alla!

I agree with what Mik said earlier. You will be greatly missed here, Alla! We

you! *HUGS*

By FXM256, # 22. May 2008, 14:50:14

Goodnight...sweet dreams Alla..zzzzzzzzzz

By AOTEAROAnz, # 22. May 2008, 18:32:48

Please introspect and realize there's peace and strength within.Please learn time management skills.I support your decision.

By KYren, # 22. May 2008, 18:49:15

I found this parked behind a local bank, I hope it cheers you up.

By avl_wamp, # 23. May 2008, 05:08:48

Good one, Leo; she loves Minis!

By FXM256, # 23. May 2008, 11:59:40

Thanx Marcus, I hope she likes it.

By avl_wamp, # 23. May 2008, 14:11:40

You're welcome, Leo; I hope she does too!

By FXM256, # 23. May 2008, 16:04:17

Guys, thank you very much for your words

You're my treasure and I'm so scared someone will steal you from me while I'm away

I also worry that after I come back, Opera will change or someone leaves

I love you, guys, I've read all the comments and messages carefully and took every word into consideration.
Amir, Olya, Kerstin, Kimmie, Karen, Coisy, Mik, Stomyr, Darko, Angeliki, Leo, Foxy, Rhona, Henry, Jose, Veronica, Marcus, Kiran, you're all in my heart

!
Leo, Mini is great, thank you very much

By allangie, # 23. May 2008, 16:26:04

All of us will be here when you come back, don't worry!

By blondpony, # 23. May 2008, 16:31:34

I hope so, Blondy

By allangie, # 23. May 2008, 16:39:55

Written by Blondy:

All of us will be here when you come back

I hope so too.

By MizzMartinez, # 23. May 2008, 16:50:12

If you need any help settling back in, I'll train you again.

By Furie, # 23. May 2008, 17:25:43

All of us will be here when you come back...

By artworld.com, # 23. May 2008, 18:21:33

Oh, Mik, thank you

!

Ok, Artworld, I'll check it

By allangie, # 23. May 2008, 18:29:03

well.. when it's time?.. it's time! i'm glad you came to your senses

Good luck alla - wish you enough

and don't worry about opera and all it's community, they'll be fine.
cheers dols, and make the best of the time you take 'offline' ok?...

By blcktear !, # 23. May 2008, 21:28:55

I hope you won't be away long too

By Stomyr, # 23. May 2008, 22:13:02

Tough decision you make, but yours to take, good luck and succes, see you back soon.

By daxonmacs, # 24. May 2008, 21:56:46

Thank you, stay well and see you later

By allangie, # 25. May 2008, 03:41:15

Why not just stay and get it over with..

By Cois, # 25. May 2008, 17:15:42

All of us need our time to find ourselves...

By FoxM, # 25. May 2008, 17:46:13

And we should all understand that, and support what's good for the people we love.

By blondpony, # 25. May 2008, 20:29:05

nicely said blond.. cheers!

By blcktear !, # 25. May 2008, 20:46:06

By blondpony, # 25. May 2008, 20:52:24

That smiley and avatar sooo don't go together.

By Furie, # 25. May 2008, 21:39:34

they do if they come from a bipolar woman, but I don't see any of those around...

By FoxM, # 25. May 2008, 21:47:19

I am confident you know how to deal with me being like this

However, I see your point Furie lol

By blondpony, # 25. May 2008, 22:01:28

@ Bipolar Blondy

We will all be here when you get back, Alla; no one will ever take us away from you!

By FXM256, # 26. May 2008, 13:11:14

nice one blond, although it kinda took me a sec to..

cool avator u got there:up:

By blcktear !, # 27. May 2008, 15:08:26

yaay

Great to see your comments Alla...

.
c u soon..

By AOTEAROAnz, # 27. May 2008, 20:51:43

lol

By blondpony, # 27. May 2008, 21:32:50

By AOTEAROAnz, # 27. May 2008, 21:37:24

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Allangie

Allangie's mess