Monday, November 4, 2013 3:15:30 AM
...and these blogs are, as well. I've downloaded everything from them, including visitors' comments, photo albums and other pictures kept among files. The my.opera staff made that rather easy. Blog contents were stuffed in XML files that could be easily parsed for export to other places. I'm not currently sure where everything will end up, but it might be an incentive to bring everything back to where it always belonged: anynowhere. Anynowhere is waiting, frozen in time and surprisingly still up and running through php updates, most of its scripts being largely untouched since as far back as the beginning of 2006. It might be an incentive to come back home, telling where I've been to whoever survived the ice age there. In the end, I'm still not sure what's next. I've been working hard to bring L.in.oleum's third iteration to a point where it should become a language somewhat competitive with what's around today. Adding native parallel processing in the form of multithreading has been quite a crippling experience. Overall, Lino 3 is still mostly backward compatible with its version 2 (the compiler's still 30 thousand lines of code written in version 2 of the language, to mention something about backwards compatibility), but at the same time, version-3 code is lightyears away from version-2. And I mean lightyears, enough that the two are barely recognizable as the same language. Well yeah, a + b is still a + b, but there's an enormous amount of new stuff around: structured conditional blocks, managed threads and thread-local data, true locals, extra arguments passed in stack (while keeping them compatible with continuation-style calls), regular arguments passed in registers, a sixth register made available for most operations (the spare register), software interfaces, and closures. Between all that, speed optimizations everywhere from the instruction set, to the run-time module, to libraries and above all, by means of new calling conventions. In a nutshell, a whole new world. And then there's Postline: I must say I consider it something like a relic from the past, but I'd still like to replace it entirely with something different, while of course keeping the database contents. Last spring I had started, and brought to some advanced alpha stage, a nodejs project that could be meant, in theory, to replace Apache, MySQL, PHP, and the Postline scripts all together. I'll see where that ends when I'm done with Lino3. And by "being done" I mean that it'll be out, ready for the least basic libraries to be built, and coming with a complete user guide. Will that be enough this time? Will it survive the passing of years without needing catastrophic (i.e. non-conservative) refactoring? I can only judge from what I know now, and guess it shouldn't need to destroy its past anymore. It was originally made to last, but merely failed twice. Yet it learned from its mistakes (which means I did the same). We'll soon see if its third chance can lead us home. It might still be the good one, after all. Let's just not give up hopes before seeing it at work.
So, the to-do list might be: 1) Lino3, 2) something to replace Postline, 3) all the rest.
It's a damn long work but someone's got to do it, and since I'm the most interested person to see what'd come out of all that work, I'm left with nothing else to do but hiring myself for zero wage. And a warning: this is the final attempt to come out with something exciting on this side of the screen. It isn't that there couldn't be more attempts, in theory, it's just that there'd be no more time or fuel to power them. It will no longer be time to blank the page and restart.
Sunday, October 27, 2013 8:50:00 PM
Such a flat evening. White noise is here, but no confusion. No feelings at all, looks like they've been switched off. But surprisingly, they can come and go at will. Petting Ares starts the happiness-like stuff. But there is no fear where there should have been, according to the enormous amount of things I used to fear. I should be happy about that, but it's weird because my body still feels fear, it's just that my mind isn't following. The hearth can pace up, muscles may contract nervously, but the mind seems not to be caring anymore. It's hard to tell if this is something positive or negative. Sounds positive, but where's the catch? Did I just get bored of fear? Could someone ever get to find worry, anxiety, and fear, ultimately boring? It isn't a matter of this particular evening, it's going on since days now. Baseline anxiety stays and it's assumed to evoke a reaction, but no reaction is following. Or if if follows, it's strongly quenched. Possibly filtered, denied? Or found, demonstrated beyond the shadow of a doubt, to be ultimately completely useless? I feel like a moth who kept trying to base its path on the position of a light source that wasn't far enough to keep the creature going on straight. It generally expects the light source to be the Sun, and keep its position unchanged, but that's not the Sun and it moves, the creature keeps spiraling closer and closer to the light, hits it, gets burnt, but then instinct keeps it doing the same thing over and over again, until death. The creature can't think much on that, it just follows its own instincts, unable to do otherwise. I no longer feel like that moth, I'm not following. I don't seem to be following anymore. Did I grow up? What happened? Is this temporary or is it as persistent as something could be?
Saturday, August 10, 2013 1:39:03 PM
Truth is in here,
somewhere between two fairytales. I'll keep it short, I don't need to keep it long, just to take note of this step. I won't probably forget it in the future anyway, so it doesn't even make much sense to take note, but I'll do, I'm just celebrating it in front of everyone else, at least those few passing from here. The hearth of this Summer brought sleepless nights, a few of them. I've been running the last tactical scan over my psyche. The scan to end them all. It revealed what the last secret was all about. I had been projecting that on the others, out there, that's why I couldn't see the truth clearly, before. The truth isn't out there, it's within, constituting the supporting structure of my entire life since early adulthood. It isn't society who enslaves us, it's us. The mind pretends, but the shadow doesn't get a chance to be recognized. Remember the liberation surrounding moments like that jump inspired by the photograph of the blue jay? Or where you decide what to create before all the thought processes leading to its actual creation? The white page before you write something that's just an idea? That's freedom, the rest is slavery. You turn it into slavery, no matter what you do. To be the best, to be the first... to be the most beautiful fish in the aquarium, remember? Now the picture's complete, and it's not just a static picture, it's the snapshot of a living algorithm that I know until within its deepest corners and most basic instructions. My own, low-level mind trace, my program. I thought it'd have been painful to discover everything about yourself, that everyone should be scared of runnign such a deep analysys. Fake: it ultimately empowers you, it puts yourself in front of your own control panel, with no restrictions. Where you can choose what to do with the rest of your life, and how exactly you prefer to live it. A choice that wasn't given when life, in its early stages, induced you to take what seemed to be the only road, and a road that - later - one may no longer recognize. It's especially popular as a choice among people that society considers "successful" or "gifted". There is no free lunch, never, and gifts cost high prices: they cost slavery to yourself. Now that I know every single consequence of what's never been a conscious choice, I can make the real choice. Dear Shadow of Myself, here's the control panel: do we dismantle the system or keep following this road? The choice is up to you this time, please consider all consequences and let me know.
Sunday, June 30, 2013 1:30:34 PM
Yeah, yeah, that's an interesting shot of the Argent's central frame with its left wing attached, although not actually hanging but sustained from below by a self-made support that holds it at the height appropriate for me to tighten the real thing that'd hold it up, i.e. the downstroke shock absorber cable. In this ultimately, successfully tested design, the shock absorber of each wing is a single 155-DaN (1 DaN = decanewton, approximately equal 1 kg) extension spring, used to its full allowable strain to halt the wing at the end of the downstroke, and used "sideways" (flexing) to dampen the end of an upstroke. There are no elastic cables anymore, they've proven unreliable (they suffered too much hysteresis causing them to be unable to release enough force to bring the wing back up once beyond the end of the stroke run). Yet, the use of a single big spring on each side to dampen both ways the wing can move, instead of two springs, is a convenient solution to stay within weight limits. Speaking of which - and although I know its final weight (45 kg all-inclusive, except pilot) since long now - well... it may not look so, but the photographed thing is heavy, definitely heavy, probably uncomfortably heavy. I tried thinking of ways to remove some weight, and came out with a list of now-useless parts left in place after changes to the design that made them useless, but all I could get rid of would be... a whopping 0.7 kg, over a total (for the sole central frame) of 25. I don't even know if I'll find the will to work at that little weight reduction, being it so insignificant. The rest is all critically needed, more than half the weight of the central frame being the two massive, neodymium-powered electric motors. The test approches, it might be a matter of days now. All that seems left is setting up wires to connect the left wing to the new mechanical circuit (the right one already has such wires in place, as is shown here hanging from the frame without any help; note the tense, black DSK78 cable: at the extreme left of the photograph, you can spot it acting to extend the spring, a load that, under the push of the wing's inertia and at a lever factor of 4:1, will put up to 160 kg there, that's why the black cable was made out of extra-strong dyneema with a breaking strength as high as 2.5 tons). I did not recount a plethora of small troubles of these days, being them mostly the same highs and lows that I seem to finally care less about, although they still suck and keep my mood down on overall; the rest was one big trouble, where Ares was almost deadly injured by a dog's bite which sent him into a bad peritonitis. He survived, recovered, and is pretty fine now: it happened at mid-May. I cried like hell the couple nights nobody could be sure he'd survive. I also learned to inject antibiotics, by the way, and although I had a lot of photographs of Ares, I did never have photos of what's inside of him. But it seemed I wasn't so willing to tell it here, for unclear reasons. Counting one, two, see... odds defying gravity... Ops, that was the song playing at this moment, a song that's questioning whether I could be the little child of the wild, running forever alone, or it could be about time to change the rules again. The song reminds me that dream where, in a castle looking like a 3D extrapolation of Cauldron II's castle, I had found a room containing all the key objects to solve the game, present together and in multiple copies, as if the game had been finished more than once. I know well the castle is a state of mind, that I know well might change to a state I'd call home, no longer castle or aquarium or scheme. But I'm stubborn, very inflexible, almost as much as aluminium. I can break, but I can't seem to bend. Ok, screw that... it slipped in, I didn't want to be introspective this time. It's always the same boring mishmash. Have these few more photos, instead: one, two, see...
Wednesday, May 8, 2013 9:08:23 PM
I never got to feel sure it does something. I just hope it does. I'd hope anything does. I'm not quite well these days, I feel fragile. Not in control. Might be good or bad? Never got to feel sure. I've always been mostly physiologically sane. But always fearful. As a kid, I was one of those who reacted to bullying, never felt really like letting them get away with anything. Sometimes I could have been filed under "liability" for overreaction and vandalism. But at the same time, fearful. Feeling fragile, when not overcharged by adrenaline. Must be the why of some reckless driving, today. Seeking adrenaline to feel strong and ready to fight again. I don't face stressful events from the outside anymore. It's all inside, the overreaction is entirely targeting myself. I've almost never looked or felt weak, it mostly happened to me when I was all by myself. The more I stand alone, the worse it gets. Imprinting wasn't good, I supposed people were incompatible and the world was ugly. Never got to be sure it wasn't so. I faked my own non-existence. Wished to disappear in a bubble of empty time. I wasn't bad at protecting myself, so why did I think hiding could be the best choice? Well, I suppose it was the one generating the least trouble. Now what am I complaining for? I've ended up where I wished to. I'm exactly where I was supposed to be. And it would feel pretty ok, it's just this... kind of symptoms. Something hurting in my mouth, just a pretty trivial gum inflammation. Like a subtle stick, poking me out of numbness. Before, there were other symptoms. They keep me awake while I wish I could just keep sleeping. Hibernate. Wake up surrounded by the sunlight of early June, lying on a warm roof staring at the sky. And possibly not alone. Went to make me a coffee. Grab cigarettes and keep them ready. Wake me up, but promise me there will be something to see that will be worth the price. Promise me we'll go look for something. For someone. Out of this bubble away from floating memories walls ceilings cloudy skies ghosts and helplessness.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013 5:35:12 PM
Or, one of those things that can have you laugh for hours about. It's been like last year's jay jump: the more nonsensical and highly silly something is, the better the mood after you've made it. It was built out of a tiny LCD clock found embedded in a lighter. I wasn't even sure it might have been a clock because it wasn't working. When the lighter ran out of gas, I unscrewed the device and bought a replacement battery, eventually confirming it really was a tiny clock. Its circuitry was then exposed, so I cut a slot into a piece of white foam rubber with synthetic velvet on top (it once held a piece of jewelry), gently convinced the device to fit in there, and the final step was taking some transparent silicone and gluing the manufact to a spare cat collar (yes, I've taken care to remove the jingle bell for a little bit of more sobriety, you know). It's very light and extremely casual. In fact, completely random. Ah, well, then... if I didn't show up anywhere, it's because I'm busy writing an HTTP server based on nodejs. That, and reaching out for some of the very rare sunlight of these days. But I'll be back, just give me some time to be reborn from that tragically rainy winter we just had to cross...
Thursday, March 14, 2013 9:40:14 AM
So, two years and a half from the beginning of the "Argent project", the second of the three components of its frame was completed a couple days ago. I had promised taking pictures yesterday, and I tried to, but the light wasn't as good as today. This morning, the sun shines and it helped get more crispy pictures of the twelve-feet-long wing (3.65 meters, plus the 53-cm separation between the "shoulders", giving a future total wingspan of 7.83 meters for the assembled machine). Below, the rest of photographs details its most prominent features.
There'd be a lot to say about each picture, sometimes spoiling the signs of previous assemblies and slight damages taken through stress tests. It's been a long way since september 2011, when the draft of the right wing was structurally completed, but functionally far from adequate. Now, I'm not claiming anything about the ability of the above device in generating lift, or even in just flying straight. All I can say about such post-take off features is that it strives to imitate the shape and behavior of an organic bird's wing, taking the red kite as a model (minus the remicle and of course simplifying the overall formula). What counts, for the approaching "jump test", where the Argent would be successful if it could get off the ground (even by just a few centimeters) while carrying a 45-kg payload (that of an inert pilot of my same 55-kg body weight, 10 kg of extra lift being achievable by the pilot's own muscles), is the downstroke lift due to the enormous air drag from below, estimated to be at least 543 N (per wing). If the resulting 106 kgF (combined lift power) can at least zero the weight of the pilot-machine system, simulations show it could also take off and sustain flight when aerodynamic lift at cruising speed is taken in consideration. The weight of the baby in the pictures? As much as ten kilograms, unfortunately. That's about 20 pounds, or the weight of an average mountain bike. It was originally meant to weigh no more than 8 kg, but its many articulated components and the due resistance of the whole thing raised that by a couple extra kilograms. It is still within the possibilities of the Argent's powerful motors, but not by much. At least, however, there will be no more additions to its structure, so the actual weight is also the final weight, 100% guaranteed this time. P.S. if you look at the "wrist" photograph, you can spot a semi-circular hole crossing the outer edge of the surface, and also "affecting" the root of the first primary "feather": the hole is intentional, it's a patch to bring back the center of pressure to where it used to be before changes to the rigidity of the outer parts brought it a bit too far from the axis of rotation, which could require more than the available power from the motor.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013 11:58:07 PM
Weather keeps being a crap. This is the third night in a row an electric storm is going on. The sun has been absent 99% of time since a couple weeks now. But there's worse, it seems, north of here they're having snow storms, totally unexpected at this point of the year. I kept oscillating between boredom and random worries about me, persons I care for, and the world in general. But this afternoon I've been less pessimistic. I've completed the Argent's left wing, it's totally ready. I'll post photographs tomorrow, if I'll be feeling well. Why shouldn't I? I just can't guarantee, my mood and physical condition seem unreliable. But the end of the work at the left wing brought some satisfaction. Not much, just some. I meant to write some sort of recap of what I did in life until now, but right now I don't find it useful anymore. It was meant to show me the good things that happened in the past. I think I'll have some brandy now, just a little, to see if it can send worries asleep. All I'd have to do would be being positive. Believe in me, and defeat all this catastrophic thinking, just like in 2010. But it was summer. There were no scary thunders outside. Damn it. Some more rain and we'll have to grow fins. I must take note of passing a good summer.
Sunday, March 10, 2013 11:56:36 PM
There's a popular quote saying "I'm not scared of heights, I'm scared of grounds", but I can't find its original author, so I'll just quote it. Another nicely fitting one ought to be the short story of the man who was falling from the 20th floor and who, as he counted how many floors were left before hitting the ground, kept optimistically thinking that "so far, everything's ok". It's been since the puzzling results of the recent political elections, that new and traditional media began casting more light over what's going on following the local manifestation of the worldwide economic crisis; and I've been caught by a feeling that no matter how you see it, no matter who you vote for, this country's about to hit the ground. Who's at fault? It seems to me, the country's inhabitants, the majority of them. They can't think about the country, they can only think for themselves. For most of our recent history, I suppose we've been a one-thousand-kilometers-long mishmash of disunited individuals, perhaps genetically incapable of thinking themselves as a whole. Italy exists as a territory, but most people here are aliens to each other. What do you expect from such a perspective? Solidarity, honesty, support? Looks like people's only able to join behind a leader, that's the other way the country's able to go on: in practice, it seeks dictatorship. So that everyone can finally seek common goals by authority of a common leader. We invented fascism, after all. I've always loved my houses, gardens, family members, pets, favorite places, but I never loved my country. And now, it's been a couple weeks I've been trying to picture myself outside this country. I've never looked for enough jobs so I could earn enough to live in a house all by myself, so I'm not independent from this country. I just can't move elsewhere and expect the transition to be easy. There is, however, something I'm not going to miss: the country itself, for I've always felt an alien here. There's few friends I'd be missing, and apart from parents, virtually nobody's presence ties me here. I think I can move on and build something remunerative which is independent from my own country of residence. But then I'm not moving on. I'm not sure I'm scared anymore, I just fail to believe it strongly enough. I don't believe in my future, in a happy ending, and I can't see why I shouldn't. All that's left to do is putting some code together, and finishing the Argent between coding sessions. And there'll be nothing left but leaving. Climate's been a crap since last October. It kept raining three days out of four, and it's not stopping soon. It contributes to my current depressed mood. What's good is that I'm not anxious, in this period: I'm just down, patiently awaiting for, apparently, nothing. Except maybe a day under the sun, to walk around and forget all this decadence. But then maybe it wouldn't exactly help. Maybe it has to be crossed, instead of forgotten once again, in exchange for some cheap moment of quasi-happiness. I'm preparing to leave. I'll take note here. I'm mentally, fully, finally preparing to leave. Canary islands, maybe. Plenty of sun there. And Fuerteventura also has lots of plains. I like plains, long roads, empty spaces, arid places. I'm not sure, but I don't mind too much about the destination. The true goal is getting independent, now. So far, everything's ok, but there aren't many floors left before the ground.
Friday, March 8, 2013 4:47:17 PM
...in progress. Just don't mind.
I'm trying to spice this up. It may be scary.
I'll be panicking already.
1 2 3 4 5 ... 12 Next »