Saturday, 15. August 2009, 07:40:15
Peoms, opera, Blogs, Poetry
...
It is easy for everyone to lose their way in life. You start out being you, and then life happens and you become some one else. All my friends and family have lost their way, and at one point and time so have I. It seems everyone one around me bases their self worth upon what they have or what they do, or even what they look like. Not who they are or what they want out of life. In my dreams I am loved, in my dreams my family and friends are laughing having a good time outside enjoying the sun. No one is attached to material things or appearances, just who you are as a human being. I remember how I felt as a child. I never knew it then but I know it now. It felt as if god was standing right next to me. Everything and I mean everything felt so good, even the pain. Youth in all it's ignorance therein lies the beauty in not knowing.
Sunday, 14. June 2009, 05:14:01
opera, Poetry, art
I am not down all the time although I feel empty inside I still manage to find ways to entertain myself and others. I simply use my blogs to help me get out all the emotions and memories I keep hidden from those closest to me. I am not the type of blogger to let people in on every single thing I do throughout the day like sitting on the toilet, HAHAHAHA! My blogs are the Lions Den where my deep dark emotions, dreams, and memories live. That's why I do not have a facebook, myspace, or twitter because most of my friends are on there. When I found this site I was like WOW! some place low key and off the radar where I can vent and see if there are others like me, who feel that no matter how much you do, or how much you have gained, nothing seems to fill the void.
Friday, 12. June 2009, 08:07:11
opera, Poetry, art
I was there when my mom pulled out a box cutter and slit her boyfriends mouth open from cheek to lip. I was no more than ten at the time. He held the side of his face and in anger and fear drew back and struck my mom to the floor. My first reaction was to grab my grandmothers shotgun out from between the mattress of her bed, and so I did. I rushed out to my mothers aid to see him standing over her body ready to strike at her again. I pulled the trigger, and a loud booming sound and gun powder filled the house. he froze and then stumbled on to the floor with a surprised look on his face, happy to still be alive. I vaguely heard my mother screaming in the background with all the ringing in my ears. At the time I never felt more calm or more at peace than I had then, amongst all the chaos I was the calmest one there. I slowly walk over towards him, aimed the shotgun at his face and said "If you move again, I'll be the last face you'll ever see." I meant every word, I wanted him to move, I wanted him to try me, but he never did. He stared at me with one hand to his bleeding mouth and one hand out stretched in protest. I stood there with the shotgun for what seemed like forever until I felt my mom grab me from behind and told him to leave.
Later on that night, after he left I heard my mom crying downstairs while cleaning up the mess that was made. I laid in my bed that night sure of only one thing.
Thursday, 11. June 2009, 06:43:13
opera, art, Poetry
I feel like this all the time. It whispers to me when I am doing the dishes, talking to a friend, when I'm alone. Hell, I could be right in your face laughing and smiling and you wouldn't even know. I entertain the thought for awhile and then it goes away. I have never told anyone about it because they wouldn't understand. I feel numb, although I feel love I know deep down inside nothing matters. Almost eveything I see lacks substance, vitality. No one really knows me, I am a character in a play that fits in their cookie cut shaped proccessed lives. My son is the only thing that keeps me here. I dont want him to feel like this. I am what others expect of me, but inside I am but darkness holding light.
Thursday, 11. June 2009, 04:32:16
Blog, opera
Life is a tragedy for the man who feels; a comedy for the man who thinks.
Thursday, 11. June 2009, 04:26:28
opera, Blog
Ok, first off I am not trying to hook up with anyone here. I do not communitcate with people unless I like thier blogs or photos. I do not have a facebook, twitter, or myspace, so don't ask, and chances are I will never meet you in this world or the next. I am simply a participator and observer, nothing more and nothing less. So please no friend request unless you share the same passion I do.
Monday, 8. June 2009, 22:11:04
opera, Poetry, art
It starts as a passing glance
then there are whispers when
you are not around, false hugs
and handshakes, then you're
greeted with smiles of false
sincerity, But behind the guise of
smiles, flattering compliments to
keep you at a distance yet they
remain close to you. They are
all around you watching, watching
your every move, looking for a
weakness. Waiting as ever on the very
thing their souls depends upon.
Monday, 8. June 2009, 11:32:25
opera, poems, art
I remember when the sun was new
and the moon at night shined
in light shades of blue.
It always set the mood right
kids racing bikes, playing tag,
parents in the house, whatever
they did was unknown to me.
Fire flies swirled, crickets cricket,
and the feeling of being alive was more
than words could describe. I was in
touch with more of the things around me
than I was of myself. Everything was a new exploration.
I thought I knew........
I saw innocence in all things
before conflicting religions
where the answers to ones questions in life
are summed up in an exhale of interwoven fallacy.
Back then I saw things as I was, and not as they were.
I thought I knew........
When my mother said she would never use again,
I thought I knew, then she took me to a run down house
and hid in a back room only to return with stoned wide eyes.
When my father took me away, I thought I knew.....
then he sacrificed his time with me so that I could
have a better life.
And.....
When I saw my grandmother for the first time in years,
I thought I knew, then she turned around and died on
me before I could show her how much I deeply cared.
The things left unsaid behind the shadows of what's not there.
Left here only with the promises of my mistakes. My innocence
slowly fading from my being. If only I knew then what I know now.
I had lost my smile years ago,
before moments of vanishing beauty,
back then when there were hugs of misunderstanding.
I thought I knew all that one could know.
Monday, 8. June 2009, 10:58:35
opera, poems, art
He sees her for the first time in his life and feels she is the one.
In dreams and memories of their first encounter, she haunts him.
They work together. He stares at her when she looks away, yet he remains
complacent. From afar he imagines, drifting into worlds that are not his life
yet they are his own completeness.
Often she toys with him and he with her. He wants her to open up but she never
does, and neither does he.
While working together or sometimes when he is alone,
he thinks to himself, could I be wrong?
Monday, 8. June 2009, 10:49:00
opera, poems, art
I knew an older woman once who believed in all, and I believed
all was in her.
She has changed forms.....
and now I move on with her while without her.
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