Sarah Dreams

Hanging With the Big Boys

Friday, June 4, 2010 10:07:33 PM

awesomeness, love, opera community, brothers, blogging, images, bored, men, life, family, writings

These are my father's sons.....(minus one) MY BROTHERS of whom I am so proud!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dad, if you were here...I KNOW you would be so proud. Congrats on graduating, Rhett.

I miss my daddy! When my father passed away in 1996 I thought my world was ending. Now, 13 years later, I still wonder what life would be like with him around. His loud and boisterous personality, known for being a lady charmer, notorious for loving his car the Jaguar. What a man. Curly dark hair, barrel chested and bossy; my father was quite the guy.

What would he think of his new grandchildren? How would he feel about one of his sons graduating this year? All of these questions will never be answered. I want to be angry about it, but I can't. All of the bad feelings that I had about his passing were all replaced by lovely dreams of us talking like old times. Him still being 'father' to me in my dreams...encouraging me as always to be my very best.

When I complained about feeling ugly, daddy would tell me to "Look and the mirror and repeat these words" "I am beautiful, I am smart, I am kind." And shyly I would do as he commanded. I am still very shy and don't take compliments well. I am hard accepting myself because feelings of inadequacy. I hate it and am still mustering up courage to change it.

Why did I never have a conversation with my dad about death? I thought he would live forever! He was so strong, that yes...he would live forever.

Yes.......each of these guys are my brothers.....3 boys share one mother, 2 share another mother. But all share my father's blood. How lucky am I?

-Sarah

My beautiful Mother :)Reppin Dallas, Texas...Go white boy!! haha

Comments

Uncle MickMickeyjoe-Irl # Friday, June 4, 2010 10:34:34 PM

Nice family.

H82typ # Friday, June 4, 2010 11:40:07 PM

*hug* He'd be proud of them, and you too, Sarah! His grandchildren would all be the apple of his eye, I'm sure!

Stardancer # Saturday, June 5, 2010 2:53:33 AM

Lovely tribute to your dad, Sarah. As long as you and your brothers remember him, he lives on.

Tamil # Saturday, June 5, 2010 4:50:26 AM

Sarah Dreamsangel292005 # Saturday, June 5, 2010 3:56:19 PM

Thank you Micheál.

The first two and I share the same mother and father. They are the ones I grew up with...the other 3 I am just getting to know on Facebook.

Sarah Dreamsangel292005 # Saturday, June 5, 2010 3:58:40 PM

Originally posted by iJaisen:

I can carry with me everyday.

absolutely, and although they are removed from 'our world' it doesn't mean that they don't see what is going on here...or just know. So that is my hope that they feel the love that our family has. When we do have the opportunity to get together I think that they feel the love surrounding us. Family bonds can be so strong if you allow them.

Sarah Dreamsangel292005 # Saturday, June 5, 2010 3:59:18 PM

Thank you Dennis. I have hope that somehow he is seeing it.

Sarah Dreamsangel292005 # Saturday, June 5, 2010 4:00:27 PM

Originally posted by Stardancer:

Lovely tribute to your dad

I guess I could have added a little pic of dad...how wonderful it would have been to see him standing in with them...

Sarah Dreamsangel292005 # Saturday, June 5, 2010 4:01:03 PM

Hi Tamil, what is your monkey doing?

Mrs. HermitessHermitess # Saturday, June 5, 2010 4:04:50 PM

Tamil's monkey looks like he's playing air guitar! Or, err, something else...

This is a wonderful post Sarah!

I didn't realize you had so many siblings.

Tamil # Saturday, June 5, 2010 5:55:24 PM

Sarah Dreamsangel292005 # Saturday, June 5, 2010 8:03:59 PM

Hey L, yes I have a LOT.

7 brothers and 1 sister. My father and my mother had 4 (boy, boy, me,boy), my mother and ex Step Dad had 2, a boy and girl. Then my Father had 3 more boys with my Step Mother.

Sort of complicated.

Sarah Dreamsangel292005 # Saturday, June 5, 2010 8:04:39 PM

LOL Air guitar....yeeeah that's it.