sarah's Arty Dreams

This morning I cried, salty tears slid down my cheeks, in a steady stream
followed by emotion. The only feeling that has tortured me lately is anger,
I don't know where it comes from or why, but it was with me. I can't blame
everything on genetics, or can I???

So, since I have not cried in so long, I went ahead and let myself be sad....
thinking to myself, "Awww, this feels so nice to cry....waaaawhaa."

I begun to think of my best and only friend moving, and that
pushed the tears, I thought of being lonely in this marriage and
that forced the tears. My husband moved closer to me, not sure
of what I was sad about and being a man, just wanting to fix it.

"What can I get you?"
"Nothing." As I took the hot laundry out of the dryer.
I could feel the ugly cry coming quickly and I pushed it back. don't wanna sob,
don't wanna sob.......
"Umm, OK. Need some coffee?"
"Yes,thanks." I replied, quietly.

I do believe that with women we HAVE to talk and communicate, we HAVE to
be face to face with someone (preferably a girlfriend) and look at our friends in
the eyes and be there with them to touch their hand, I even miss the smell
of her perfume...and no I am not into her like that...
that is just how much I miss her...

I don't WANT to make a new friend! I have had her for a decade and a half now,
why change a wonderful routine that HAS WORKED throughout the years??? I am on
the verge of having a full blown cry-baby hissy fit. Now isn't that sad? Not
really! I won't throw a hissy fit, but I want to.

There is nothing wrong with that.


So when Fatimah called I just wanted to hear her gab, I just wanted
to listen....and not talk. The joy that I felt over a friend calling was
like jelly on a peanut butter sandwich, or like creamer in my coffee...
it was so nice. When I tried to think of how long it had been since I talked
to a friend on the phone, I could not count the days on both of my hands. So
saying that I appreciate her calling is an understatement. To be honest,
I do not think that any of my family will ever read this entry, it is
HIGHLY unlikely. They are not 'into' blogs as strongly as I.....
I feel free to say openly that I am lonely......it is a feeling that stay
at home mothers get. So all of you people that want to get all crazy on me,
DON'T. It is not the kind of lonely of a single women, it is different.

The only way I can explain it is to say, an adult women needs
her girlfriends.

The one girlfriend that is always there for me is Fatimah aka Zenya. I love
and enjoy ALL of my girlfriends on here, but she is very important to me, and
always around when I need her. And, for On an to say what he did about me, was just
sick and shows that he does not understand FRIENDSHIP. When I take up for
my girlfriend, I do it in love. Link to explanation. For
anyone who cares.

After all, how far would you go for a friend? How far is too far? I know the
answer to these questions in my own mind, but I don't feel as if I over stepped
any boundaries in this situation. Anyway, I wouldn't embarrass myself for just anyone.

I am the girl that wants everyone to "Just all get along." Unless it comes to mi amigas
o mi familia. I don't have anymore tears to cry, maybe I should have a glass of agua....


Sarah