sarah's Arty Dreams

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{Truth?}

I was out walking with my 4-year-old daughter. She picked up something off
the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from
her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's
dirty, and probably has germs," I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked,
"Momma, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart."
I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom Test.
You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently
pondering this new information. "OHHH...I get it!" she beamed. "So if you
don't pass the test, you have to be the dad."
"Exactly," I replied with a big smile on my face.
When you're finished laughing, send this to a Mom.

{Football}
[/IMG]A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind the bench. After the game he asked her how she liked the whole experience. 'I really did like it...she replied...especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'

Dumbfounded he asked her 'what do you mean?' 'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game they all kept screaming 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' 'I'm like...Hellooooo? It's only 25 cents!'



{Baked Beans}


One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When
it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down
on the way home from work.

Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband
and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.


On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of
baked beans was more than I could stand.


With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off
any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and
before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the
gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me
and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner
tonight."


He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the
dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my
blindfold, the telephone rang.


He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he
returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me
and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband
was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to
one leg and let one go.



It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer
truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my
napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three
more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.


Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in
the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The
pleasure was indescribable.


When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the
end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my
napkin , placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very
relieved and pleased with myself.


My face must have been the picture of innocence when
my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.

He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and
I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve
dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"


I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Hope you enjoyed!