Whatever....

Ok friends,

This morning my husband had his first day back to work after being laid off basically for the past 4 months. (off and on, but mostly off) So I got all the girls off to school as normal whilst sucking coffee down as fast as I could. (I have to make 3 separate trips while doing this.) Then the last trip was for my husband because I have pick up kids in the afternoon. Anyway....I dropped him off a little early and as he was heading off into the big a$$ company in his spiffy clothes I got a little sad. He looked like a kid on the first day of school...timid and not wanting to walk in alone. He noticed another guy who looked a lot like himself, nicely dressed and carrying a notebook. Slowly he gravitated over to the other fellow and they walked in together.

I drove around the parking lot onto the main street and headed towards the loop that would take me to the highway. Some weird feeling overcame me and I started to shed a few tears.

I AM ALONE. I am actually ALONE! Holy crapola I don't know whether I should be jumping for joy or going back to bed in a fit of depression. Feeling neither elated or overly sad, I just kept driving through the blur of tears against my gas permeable contact lens.

No one to eat lunch with.
No one to talk with.
No one to gossip with.
I wouldn't hear him snoring during the day.

It just felt so empty for a while and still the emptiness follows me now. It's 1:17 and I am listening to the laundry and looking around the house...like now what? Eh..I'll get used to it...

I'm craving a veggie soy like burger...wonder if I can find a recipe?

Talk soon!

Wow, I am so excited....

Today is the first day that I have been able to sit back a little bit and take a deep breath. It is usually very hard to get the kids started into school...but this year it was RIDICULOUS. My oldest daughter hated the high school so much that she came home crying and swore she wouldn't go back. I had to do some major research on schools in the area to figure out where I was going to move her. After I found out that my backward ass town doesn't do transfers for ANY student in the first semester, then I knew I had to homeschool her. I am no teacher by any stretch of the imagination...so our next step was to look at private schools.

Thank GOD we found a school for her to attend! She has started on Monday and so far she likes it. I think that she really fits with these kids...smaller classes...no 'real' behavior problems in the kids. Since this school is private, they don't take kids with behavior problems. This school really focuses on going to college and earning college credit while in highschool.

So, after going through all that...they are all in school and I think we are on a good schedule. I THINK. A couple ride the bus, one walks and one has to get a ride from her dad. We are all over the place...literally.

Anyway...it has been an incredibly busy past 2 weeks. I have not had time for myself...much less anyone else. And any free time that I did have, I tried to relax and chill out on Facebook playing some stupid game...or two.

I feel so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family in my life. My grandmother recently had a hospital stay because of a bleeding ulcer in her tummy. She is 87 years young, but we want her around for as long as she can stand us. I really look up to my grandmother...she is strong willed and full of awesomeness! She has traveled all over the world and lived in New York for a while working as a secretary for a law firm. I mean...she is amazing. She is something that I wanted to be.

Grandma is now in a nursing home, as of Monday, and it should be a temporary stay. For the most part, it is to rehab her. But I think that they want her to stay because of the severity of her condition. I would love for grandma to be closer to us here in town.

The phone is sitting beside me and I am considering calling a friend of mine. The only problem is I don't think that they will be available. How awful is that when you REALLY want to talk to someone and they are not available? I know it happens to others concerning me...I am not available enough. But somethings and people just have to wait when I put my kids and husband first. Then comes my mother, sister, his mother, brothers and everyone else....you know...

Come to think of it...I don't have any friends that would hate me if I was too busy. They would just find a way to get a hold of me...or force me out of the house. That has happened a few times that I can think of. Gives me a laugh thinking about all the times that I was tricked into leaving. The night I met my husband was a night of trickery. Now, was that fate or what? I have no idea. Maybe I should have just stayed home that night...but would I be as happy as I am today? Only God knows. He is the master of fate and love and life. Pissing moaning and crying won't change a thing when your life is already written.

Speaking of written....we went to the public library the other day. Saw the movie 'Beloved' and wanted to read the book...Toni Morrison is one of my favorite authors. The book I went for was 'The Bluest Eyes' but it was completely checked out. Due back Oct 27 so I reserved it. Anyway...Beloved is turning out to be so much more detailed than I ever imagined. It's certainly entertaining.

Good night all...just talking about the book is urging me to read.