sarah's Arty Dreams

I hope it helps you.
And I like the saying!

Hrmm, death what an interesting thought. The rest of the page will be my lengthy opinion on what it will be like when I am dead:

*Hugs*

I wonder about that too! I think a lot of people do. I was watching the a science show on TV last night, they said that humans are the only species cognizant of their own mortality. I think it's quite common to wonder about what comes after.

Like what cakkle berry says also, i wonder about it also, everyone does. It wouldnt hur to go to a psyc maybe so that they can interpret those dreams you are having. But, i hope you will feel better. I so miss bloging with you.

I think it's normal thoughts about death.

I think about god, death, life... everything.

Isn't it normal???

I think it's completely normal.

It IS completely normal. And as for the dreams, I've had some very disturbing dreams but if you think very carefully about each element of the dream, it relates to something that you have experienced in the last few days. I think it's just a regrouping of thoughts. Nothing really strange, abnormal or bad. Your brain just joins up some unrelated things because of some common, albeit incorrect theme.

I dreamed last week that I went out on the porch during the night to look for a white cat. As I went through the door, there was my son with a bullet hole in his head. He was saying to me, something like, I'm speaking to you so you won't be startled.

The analysis (the true facts):
My white cat was missing and I was checking periodically for him on the porch.
My son has a white cat.
My son likes to look through his telescope and mentioned to me the previous day that he hoped no one would think he was spying on people in his apartment complex and call the police.
I heard on the news about the police shooting someone because they thought he was doing something bad.
Arthur got a cut on his head, a little round cut (looked like a bullet hole) in almost the same place I saw it on my son.
Sarah, don't worry about dreams like that, I find it helps to sort them out and figure out where they came from. Not that we need to know such things, but it helps to pass the time during the night if you have had a really bad dream and don't want to go back to sleep.

I take meds.

But nobody has ever called me "normal", either.



We all say or do something or other that somebody, somewhere, can say is not "normal." Normal is subjective. It just depends on who you've disagreed with, I think.

I'm not saying you don't need medicine (hehe), but there is a big difference between wondering what it's like to be dead and being suicidal. Sort of like the difference between sitting behind someone at the movies who won't shut up and thinking 'If that bastard says one more word, I'm going to kill him,' and being a serial killer.

One is something people who are healthy can do, and the other is something people who are healthy really can't do (if they are honest with themselves).

Think we all have wondered that from time to time. If you think that ALL the time, then something is seriously wrong. Hope the medication helps and you feel better very soon. *hugs*

I bet a rabbit wonders about death as he is flying through the air in the claws of a eagle or hawk

Maybe a gazelle as he is being eaten by a lion or something mean with big sharp teeth

I've wondered constantly what it would be like to be dead.. where's my meds..

I also think about death very often, yet I know that it is just going to more subtle plans of reality...and I stop being afraid.

Love, Ramute.

Have you always thought like that? Or has something in your life maybe triggered such thoughts?
I'm not asking to be nosy, and of course, not expecting an answer, but recently I heard about a woman my age dying suddenly and it got me to thinking about it too. Not really a flood, but more a nagging little thing in the back of my head - like I'm not as young as I used to be.

Thanks Sarah, I don't have health insurance so I won't be going to the doctor unless I'm dying. Besides, almost every time I've been to a doctor in the last 30 years, I've regretted going. (I have a way of picking the wierdos) I guess my point was that events in our lives can trigger unhappy thoughts, but as long as they don't stay around too long or consume too much of our happiness, they will likely fade away, or more likely be replaced by something that triggers happy thoughts.

I wonder about death many times per day. How can a person not think about it? It's an inevitable thing, so it's completely normal and natural to think about it. (Sorry if I'm repeating anything anyone else may have said. I didn't have time to read all of the responses prior to responding.)

As for Psychiatrists...they can be pretty helpful, that's for sure. The trick is finding a good one. I wish you the best of luck, of course...and I hope you know that I am ALWAYS here for you. Don't hesitate to call me if you ever need/want to! I might not be a real phone type of person, but my phone ear is ALWAYS open for you, my BFF!

Yay! The Force is with you!

Well, I don't believe I am mentally ill. Neither does anyone else who knows me.

Doesn't everyone wonder?? And if ur not thinking about death ur at least thinking about getting old.

At least I do

Paxil is supposed to be good Sarah. I haven't tried it myself but I've heard.
It's a bit of a journey, isn't it?

I'm on Paxil...it literally saved my life...in conjunction with Lonnie, of course.

Combination therapy is often most effective.

I agree with Matthew. The more angles u get the more information u have. I was seeing a Psychiatrist, Psychologist, a Specialist in that area and a G.P. They all have a different opinion, eventually I found something that was relevant to me. I feel sooooooo much better.
I don't see any of them anymore other than maintenance

i have to admit, i have not read all the comments above, i dont know every thing that every one else has said, so i might repeat.
i honestly dont care.
(not caring bothers me, but i have no emotion to what ill never read)

ive recently considered seeing a therapist as well. i would never see a psychologist or psychiatrist, i recommend them to no one. if its a dumbing down of the brain that may make you happy, then see a psy, it means they give pills. the definition of 'cured' for a psy in the case of a schizophrenic, is to no longer experience ANY hallucinations, EVER, at any coast. by that criteria, some one sitting slumped over in a pile of them self locked in a room not capable of much more then letting their lips sag to their chin and the drool run down, is well, in fact, cured. the medications slow your brain. they make it so you quite literally cannot process the world around you at the full potential of your self. the idea of placing a governor on my own mind because im scared of the places it can take me and the speeds it can go makes death and suicide seem like a logical alternative. ignorance isn't bliss, its ignorance, nothing more. now if i took enough pills im sure that i would stop seeing it that way, and this is not supposed to depress you, or discourage you from taking any thing in any way, i just had to say that to say this: Embrace the fact that you think about dyeing, think about it until you think you've exhausted every possible out come for life and world after. think of the consequence of nothing, of heaven, hell, reincarnation then make your own theories, and question those, until death is figured while your heart is still beating, there is not problem with wondering, its what the truly intelligent do. its what makes you brilliant, and all that can make your truly happy. now death will depress you if you contemplate it enough, thats just, well, life, its the knowledge that your brain will find that passion and desire for some other topic later, then hold on until its exhausted every possibility and let go that makes death, or pills, not the answer. live for you, love with every inch of your mind, fall like bomb from a plane, EVERY TIME.

and when you sit back at the end of the day, at the end of life, when death does finally come to show you if you were right, youll know, that this was worth it.

thats just an opinion, you said my blog was interesting quite a while back i think yours is as well.

you seem to be a beautiful intelligent person, i would hate to see pills tear that apart.

Have u ever spent time with anyone with schizophrenia or in a mental hospital or taken any of the medication u think "slow your brain"?

yes.... i have.

i was baker acted for the first time when i was 14.

diagnosed with schizophrenia at 15, early onset, schizo- affective disorder to be more accurate, i took almost every anti-psychotic and anti depressant avail at some point over the next 3 or 4 years. there are entire time periods that i dont remember. chemically, it is what most of those drugs due. a Selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_serotonin_re-uptake_inhibitor ) is mostlikey what she would be prescribed. they can be fantastic. they can cure chemical imbalances that we never before knew existed. how read the last side effect. its ironic. i did not mean that to be cruel, mean or close minded. my belief in perception drugs has a long history that had been carved deep into who i am. i have been baker acted 4 times, all before the age of 18. i have been on more anti depressants and anti psychotics then any one i know. i now live with out them. and enjoying the misery that i have been able to feel for the last few years. its strange that some one would enjoy misery, until you've seen both sides of those drugs, you dont know what it is to not be happy, and well, not sad either, or interesting, or angry, content, discontent, jealous, enraged, heart broken, or in love. those watch the world pass with a gloss in your eye are more dead then the buried. trust me, ive been there. if medications will help her then they will. and thats fine. its hen the medications become her. all i really wanted to say is that i would would see a therapist, instead. they cannot prescribe medication, only make recommendations, and help you work through the thoughts and aspects of life that can be more troubling, like death.

the natural is all i want to suggest to her, to you, if you read this. i really do apologize if i sounded harsh and inconsiderate. i do speak from experience. and it has skewed my vies heavily. you are a beautiful person with beautiful words, i dont want that to be lost.

oh and these meds could also explain the vivid dreams. fyi

No, I was just interested in where ur information was from. I've been on some of the brain numbing ones. These r totally different. I can't remember what group they're in, Matthew knows. I'll ask him, but they don't interfere with any emotional process. It's more about coping with life.

What's a 'baker acted'?

Originally posted by Sarah:

When you get tired of thinking in overdrive then you will get some help

There's nothing better than peace from within

I take an SSRI and an anti-seizure medication daily. It took years--YEARS--to find the right combination for my "chemistry", but the meds in conjunction with therapy have been a God-send for me.

I firmly believe--I KNOW from personal experience--that mental illness and disorders are emotional manifestations of physical brain disease, and like other physical disease (like heart disease and diabetes), can be successfully treated with medications and other therapeutic treatments. And just like no heart drug works for every heart patient, no "brain drug" works for every brain patient.

Fortunately, there are a myriad of different drugs available that can be tried until something can be found that works.

Fortunately, there are a myriad of different drugs available that can be tried until something can be found that works.

Unfortunately, the number of drugs that provide so much opportunity also mean that it can take a very long time to find the right combination.

All in all, it's worth finding something that works - it's life changing. Life affirming.

Aww, thank you, Sarah.

And, Noah, you're right. "...Life changing. Life affirming" are exactly the correct descriptions.

Death is the only thing in life that has to be done. Nothing else has to be done which makes all of them mean more. Although sad, it is reality and acceptance of it usually makes life mean more.

Matthew, what family is Lamictal in again?

The one thing I don't understand about psychiatric medicine is, when you have an illness like heart disease or diabetes, A simple test can confirm it and the medication is always the same.
But with mentall diseases, there is no test to confirm it and medicine is mostly on a trial and error basis.
.

two things, one to glue, the reson that there is no real test one way or anouther is because, like most aspects of the brain, we realy just dont know. which makes diagnoses and medication really hard.

two if any one wanted info on the baker act i mentioned(rhonda) here it is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baker_Act .

oh and i lied... three, thanks for the respose, i was in a very odd mood last night, i still stand by what i said, but i dont think i would have been quite so force full with my opinion, i know medications do help in so many senerios, and ssri's really can be wonderful for sooooooo many people. they make many of my close friends life worth living and so much more. i simply prefer the more natural aproach, and recomend it if possible.

have a good night all.

Rhona, Lamictal an antiepileptic drug (AED) that is also used to treat anxiety, bipolar disorder and headache (including migraine). It is of the phenyltriazine class, which makes it unique as an antiepileptic.

Thanks Matthew:D

It's also used as a mood stabilizer and effective in PTS anxiety.

It's the other part I didn't know