It seems as I look back over the last 18 years of my life the majority of it has been pain and heartache. I've almost spent a lifetime believing that there was good in everyone if you just looked deep enough. I believed that in the end love was all you needed to make it through. My imperfections were never a secret but I always liked who I was. I always said I'd never take back any of my decisions because those struggles made me who I was today. I never regretted loving anyone in my past because each of them taught me just as much as they eventually took away. No matter what life through at me back then it never took my spirit away. But as I sit here now I just want to escape and never look back. I feel like this world is sucking all the life out of me. I don't see any good in the people around me anymore and in God I've lost my faith. The only thing I expect from the people around me is that eventually they will leave too one day. The only thing life has taught me is eventually everyone leaves. People always say it will get better but that's not true. The only way it could ever get better is for me to escape this living hell that I live every single day. I think about heaven a lot lately and the people waiting for me there. I'm not making a difference in the people's lives around me. There's no one that couldn't live without me here. No matter how much I love each one of them the outcome is always the same. What do you do when all you want is to run away but there is no where to run to?