Professor Tirelo Answer Phokane

Have you ever had a conversation with someone you just met, and after your chat it seemed as though you had known the person your whole life?
Perhaps you could not believe how easy it was to share your thoughts and ideas with this person, and he or she seemed genuinely interested in what you said. Was it a fluke? Or did something happen that caused your encounter to go so smoothly?
It may surprise you to learn that your wonderful conversation was certainly not a fluke. For it to have gone so well, you must have been employed-even without realizing it-some of the keys to being a great conversationalist. The truth is that almost anyone no matter your age-can learn these keys, so you can enjoy more of your conversations, and can interact enjoyably with a wide variety of people. Here are a few of the most important keys.

WHERE IT BEGINS

Perhaps the most important key to being a great conversationalist is not so much a technique as it is an attitude or an approach. If you want to enjoy your conversations with people, you must genuinely care about them. We have all experienced what it is like to talk to people who make it clear through their body language and their attitude that they do not really care for us, or for what we want to say to them. Not only are such encounters frustrating, they tend to make us want to avoid future conversations with such people. On the other hand, we naturally enjoy talking with people who clearly have a genuine interest in us and in what we have to say. Being around people who care about our ideas and our thoughts helps us to feel valued. It encourages us to feel that our words matter. This fosters feelings of mutual respect, which encourage the free flow of conversation.

Dale Carnegie, a famous writer and lecturer in the first half of the 20th century, once said: "It's much easier to become interested in others than it is to convince them to be interested in you." If people are not interested in you, one of the best ways to gain their interest is for you to take a genuine interest in them. To do this effectively requires hummility, and a respect for personal differences. It requires us to come out of our "shells" and our own private world, and to develop a genuine desire to understand other people and what makes them tick. Because human nature is generally selfish, it requires a conscious decision on our part to reach out to others. But if we can develop the determination to do so, it can significantly enrich our lives.

Every conversation must start somewhere. Learning some basic "ice-breaker" comments or questions, to help draw the other people out, can go a long way in helping our conversations start well. Often, the circumstances around us will help us find topics of mutual interest.

LISTEN CAREFULLY

We all like to talk to people who pay attention to what we say. They make us feel that what we are talking about is worth something. You can be known as a great listener-someone people enjoy talking to. Here are three strategies to help you become a better listener:

* Maintain eye contact.
* Concentrate.
* Be patient.

Listening is an important, though often neglected, part of being a great conversationalist. If all parties are not listening, the conversation is incomplete. A great conversation is a two-way street.