schizophrenia

hi
your probably wandering who is this gurl and is she really schizophrenic?
Well, to start, I am 19 years old. I was just diagnosed in october towards the end of the month. So i have been dealing with this for about 2 months now. I have been hospitalized twice. Both at Pine Rest in Grand Rapids. I was at Baker College in Muskegon when i had my first mental breakdown. But i have been dealing with the voices since 8th grade. They never really bothered me much because they were like friends to me. During my senior year i started to hear them alot more, but i was afraid to tell anybody this because of how they might re-act. Towards the end of my senior year at school, i started collecting newspaper articles because they told me that there were secret messages in the newspapers and i was the only one who was meant to find them. And i found out that the goverentment was secreately traking people to eliminate. You know Human trafficing. But now i know i was delusional at that point. Once I started at Baker in September of 2005, i shared a dorm room with my roommate. I started noticing that i was having a hard time remembering anything in my classes. I had to study longer than normal just so i could keep a B in my classes. My roommate was gone alot so i ussually had the room to myself. I was still collecting newspapers, and when she was gone i would either stay in my dorm or go to the library to find the secret messages and write them down in my journal. I had newspapers pileing up in the corner of my dorm. In October i became so anti-social and kept to myself mostly. I didn't know how to trust people, so i either stayed in my dorm, or i took a long walk with the radio blasting to block the voices.
I thought that if i went to a socail gathering people would be able to steal my thoughts. I started to get really paranoid that "they" were out to get me. And the only person that i trusted was my roommate. Then things started to get alot worse. Everytime i was in my dorm room, or in the classes, the voices told me to kill who ever was next to me. So finally i found someone i could trust, and that person went with me to the counselor at Baker. It took 4 minuets before i even said anything to the couselor. Then she had me call my mom, which was really hard to tell her this was going on. My counselor called the hospital and i was taken to the ER in a room with a bed and restraints. Alot of things were going into my mind at that point. The couselor came with me to the ER because i didnt want to be alone. Fineally the Spych came in and asked the counselor to leave so she could talk to me alone. She asked me what was going on, and it took me a couple minutes to say anything, and then she told me i was a danger to myself and others and they would be haveing an ambluence to take me to Pine Rest. At that point I didnt know what to think, everything was so overwhelming. In the ambulence i was thinking it wouldn't be such a bad place, since my dad went to the same place when they diagnosed him as being Bipolar. My parents greeted me there when i arrived. I was there for 2 weeks the first time. It was the longest 2 weeks of my life. They had these classes that you were suppose to go to, and at the end of the day you could go to bed. At this point i havent been sleeping that great. I was lucky if i got 1 hour of sleep durring that 5 months from june to october. I couldn't sleep because of the voices. Finally after 2 days they put me on Seroquel and Haldo. At the end of the 2 weeks they sent me home. My psychologist was thinking, she cant be schizophrenic because her dad is really Bipolar. So he switched my meds to lithium. And after the first week, i was hallucinating really bad and still heard the voices, they sent my back to Pine Rest. I was only there for a week this time, and they increased my Seroquel to 800mg a day. So Right now i only hear one voice instead of 8 voices, and i still hallucinate. I mostly see people who arent there. And now i am hoping someday i will be symptom free. Now i am working with Community Mental Health, and they have these family groups that i am going to go to, and once i feel less paranoid they have this hang out place for people who have a mental illnes. To help them with job sckills, cooking, just being around other people. Right now i am so paranoid from hearing this one voice all the time i have a hard time trusting other people. Someday i hope to be symptom free and stable enough to have a job.