Jessica

New Working Policy

Tuesday, 17. April 2007, 11:08:08

Effective from 1 March 2007

Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing P rada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you
dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may
buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore
you do not need a raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Toilet Use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict
three minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm
will sound, the toilet paper will retract, the stall door will open and a
picture will be taken.
After your Second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's
mental health policy.

Lunch Break

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that
they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes
for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our Company