Political debates...?
Friday, 10. October 2008, 07:58:04
I'd made the same choice!
Posts tagged with "Fun"
Things that were actually said in Court
Wednesday, 24. September 2008, 04:27:00
These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place.
Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, I just lie there.
Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan !
Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
Witness: We both do.
Attorney: Voodoo?
Witness: We do.
Attorney: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.
Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Attorney: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
Witness: Uh, he's twenty.
Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Are you shittin' me?
Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?
Witness: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Witness: Are you shittin' me?
Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
Witness: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Witness: Guess.
Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
Attorney: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral.
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness:The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
And the best for last:
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, I just lie there.
Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan !
Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
Witness: We both do.
Attorney: Voodoo?
Witness: We do.
Attorney: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.
Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Attorney: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
Witness: Uh, he's twenty.
Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Are you shittin' me?
Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?
Witness: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Witness: Are you shittin' me?
Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
Witness: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Witness: Guess.
Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
Attorney: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral.
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness:The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
And the best for last:
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Boyfriend vs. TV
Thursday, 4. September 2008, 04:48:58
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'
The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'
The minister fainted.
From Medical Records...
Sunday, 10. August 2008, 06:09:54
Here are some statements from medical records. Some of them made me laugh so hard my tummy hurt! 
Complains about double vision - has practically been present during all hospitalization. We have to x-ray the ankles.
The patient has been suffering from depressions ever since she started to consult me in 1989.
She was numb from the toes down.
He has no children, since he is from Copenhagen.
This is one of the patients that stayed on my desk!
He pees well. Like a horse according to himself!
The patient used to have ears, but they fell off.
The patient is a 79-year old widow, who doesn't live with her husband anymore.
After the patient stopped smoking, he started smelling again.
His stools have the same colour as the doors in section 19.
The patient is 19 months pregnant.
Mother and father died when she was 12 years old. She is not in touch with them.
He gets his food from his son, who is frozen.
Complains about double vision - has practically been present during all hospitalization. We have to x-ray the ankles. The patient has been suffering from depressions ever since she started to consult me in 1989. She was numb from the toes down. He has no children, since he is from Copenhagen. This is one of the patients that stayed on my desk! He pees well. Like a horse according to himself! The patient used to have ears, but they fell off. The patient is a 79-year old widow, who doesn't live with her husband anymore. After the patient stopped smoking, he started smelling again. His stools have the same colour as the doors in section 19. The patient is 19 months pregnant. Mother and father died when she was 12 years old. She is not in touch with them. He gets his food from his son, who is frozen.
Odd Danish Song Titles
Monday, 4. August 2008, 04:11:00
Sometimes bands and singers come up with some really odd song titles. I collected some of the more weird Danish ones in this post. I translated the ones that weren't already in English - the translation is written in italic.
Alexanderband - Endelig død ~ Finally Dead
Alexanderband - Super Jehova
Alexanderband - Hamsterhjørnet ~ The Hamstercorner
pupil - Schæferhund (i sommerkjole) ~ German dog (in summerdress)
Ib Grønbech - Hvorfor må jeg Ikke få Beatleshår ~ Why can't I have Beatles hair
Red Warszawa - Børn er dumme og grimme ~ Children are stupid and ugly
Red Warszawa - Pludselig får du cirkelspark af folk du ikke kender ~ Suddenly you get a circle kick from someone you don't know
Dan Turèll - Dagens Disney evangelium ~ Disney Gospel of the Day
DAD - It’sWhenIt’sWrongI’tsRight
DAD - Naked (But still stripping)
Magtens Korridorer - Pisser på plakaten ~ Pissing on the Poster
Mew - Saviours of Jazz Ballet (Fear me, December)
Mew - The Seething Rain Weeps for You (Uda Pruda)
Juncker - Kongen af Kartoffelvand ~ The king of Potatoe Water
Showing posts 1 - 10 of 80.
Poll
Where do you live?
- Europe
(40%)
- South America (6%)
- North America (25%)
- Africa (3%)
- Asia (17%)
- Oceania (5%)
- Antarctica (5%)
Total: 65 votes
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