Saturday, 29. August 2009, 04:09:02
beauty, photography, darkness, focus
...
For some time I wanted to join 365 Photos, but I never did it. I didn't think I would be able to keep up with taking pictures and posting them for every day. I didn't think I could do it, so I didn't try. Well, I decided to try. I'm really glad I am because I really enjoy it. It helps me to look around and not be so trapped in my head. It helps me to focus outward and not so much on myself. It helps me to look for the beautiful things around me instead of only seeing darkness everywhere. It's only been 5 days, so I still don't know that I'm not going to punk out yet. I am full of intent to carry through, with this but with my life, school, and moving forward. I supppose it's one of Henry Ford's, "Whether You Think You Can or Can't, You're Right," type of things. I think that I can.
This is a picture that didn't get posted in the album form my very first day of trying. I didn't even know that I could direct the focus of the camera myself and poor Lily lost focus to the flowers. I'm such a point and clicker 
My heartfelt reccomendation is that anyone interested make a go at it, You never know until you try. I like looking for photos as I go through the days. I like seeing beauty. You might too.
muse
PS my album is here, supposing you want to peruse my 5 whole days of pictures 
Sunday, 2. August 2009, 17:07:43
sisters, garden, life, depression
...
Let's try this again shall we? That most recent previous post was a bad day. I've done other things in the past 2 years. Now I will make a list while my computer searches for the beasties that have corrupted it.
Managed not to flunk out of school, that has to count for something.
Spent weeks of nights watching my grandma in the hospital. She didn't know where she was and couldn't understand what was going on. My mom and dad stayed when they could during the day and I sat up nights with her. Mostly she slept which was good but the dementia is worse at nights when she didn't. Mostly they gave her her own room so it wasn't hard on another sick patient. Luckily, the colon cancer wasn't colon cancer after all.
Made my own compost bin and started composting. It wasn't ready to use this spring but perhaps I'll spread it out over the plants this fall.
Started recycling. Now if I can only get my parents to do it . . .
Planted herb garden. This is something I have wanted to do for a long time. Mostly so I could have fresh herbs to cook with. The grocery stores don't stock them. Makes me long for Wild Oats in louisville or even Whole Foods that took over Wild Oats, boo for that. I have cilantro, basil, sage, catnip, lavender, mint, thyme, lemon thyme, lemon balm, citronella, rosemary and I think that's all. Haven't cooked with any of them yet, haven't had the heart to cut any bits off, they look so pretty all green and growing. I really want to plant some stevia, as well. I think I'm going to pot them and bring them in this winter. I wish I could put pictures, but I've given my camera to my sister, she's in Europe for the next 10 days.
Planted teeny regular garden, several tomato plants, strawberries, cantelope and perhaps a squash. I endeavored to plant more, but time got away from me when I was in the dark. The tomatos are growing nicely. The strawberries less so. It is my fault though, I haven't been out working or weeding or anything since I staked the tomatoes and got horrible poison ivy. I'm not going back out there until my Dad comes in and pulls it. I crawled around in the dirt and had it all over me. It was awful. The only reason its mostly gone now, is that some antibiotics I took for an ear infection were also for skin infections.
Went to Nikki's wedding. Nikki is my best friend. I miss her. She lives in Missouri with her new husband. I don't really know him. But we have been friends since freshman orientation on my first shot at college. She's the kind of friend and person I wish I could be more like. It was beautiful and wonderful like weddings are. I gave her a book of Pablo Neruda. Who we both love even though she has better Spanish than me. I am working on a wedding shawl, I am knitting it out of mohair wrapped around silk and to a pattern to look like angel wings. I hope it looks like butterfly wings for my Nikki. I didn't get it finished for the wedding I hope I will soon. I will elaborate when I have some finished pictures.
She loves butterflies there are little crystal ones glued to her veil. She did the fleurs herself. I'm not proud or anything
My sister and Nikki's nephew, we've been trying to get them together since they were children. Aren't they cute together?
The haircut I mentioned was a big things too, I donated 11 or so inches to locks of love. I'm glad they take dyed hair now.
I'm sure I've done more things, but I have to go help move my sister now. She is moving out of her college apartment. She's graduating. Well, she will graduate when she pays the university the money she owes them from her student loan that she spent on beer and parties instead of school. We won't go into numbers, but its significant. I hope she has her stuff packed. Don't want to be doing that all night.
I have some new words in a good order to post soon as well,
muse
Thursday, 18. June 2009, 04:49:11
life, depression
Sad and true. There isn't much to tell to catch up on my life since my last post. I've kept this on my speed dial (love speed dial) but with living so hard I didn't have the energy to say anything. Even so, I never forgot or left in my heart.
I moved from school back home. This was good because my mental state wasn't ok and because it's free to live at home. I had an internship over the summer. I moved in with my grandparents because it is a closer commute to school and their deteriorating health required either someone to help or a move to assisted living or nursing facility.
I didn't make much progress in school last year and wasted more tuition money. I haven't given up though. I keep trying and keep wasting more money. The depression wins more than I admit. My paltry victories include things like getting my haircut, keeping up with housework (well mostly), playing guitar, and attending a wedding I promised to be at.
Which brings us to this summer. I still live with my grandparents. I've begun helping care for my maternal grandmother, affectionately known as Momo, when needed as well. I'd like to save enough to take classes this fall and finish where I'm at with an Associate's degree to show for my efforts, so that I can start again somewhere else. Finally, after 6 years of assorted college experiences, I think I want to be a teacher. Not sure what kind. Either a Reading Specialist or an English teacher. My dream would be to teach at a university, but reality lowers my hope to any degree for all the money I've borrowed and just to be employed.
In, 'The Birds Do Thus,' Robert Frost writes, "Life's not so short/I care to keep/The unhappy days;/I choose to sleep." That could be mine, except it would have to be ammended from days to years that I've been sleeping through. That just isn't good enough anymore. Maybe someday soon there will be more to report again.
~ muse
WIDGETIZE