Oh boy, haven't been here in a while! It still runs very slow, I see ... one of the reasons I left this place ... If anyone would care to read my occasional words, I nowadays write them on LaViedePiglet ... If you don't speak Swedish you'd better be prepared to use google translator though. Occasionally I write in French too
Ciao I'll do like Gavin now, and go out in the sun ... in a few minutes!!
We’ve gotten more snow! I like snow, but even I am feeling that enough is enough … Could it please stop snowing now? The snow that fell heavily last night was very wet and not pleasant to be out in … I was rather soaked when I arrived at casa Mu. A. never made it at all, as he had trouble finding a parking space (Mu lives in a rather central part of town) and also the streets were very slippery and unpleasant to drive on, so he decided to go home. We had a nice time though, chatting, having dinner and then tea and cookies and candy. Little A. was cute as always, and before Sofus arrived he kept asking me when I though she was going to come around, and he told me that one of the bowls of “chocolate soup” that he had put on the table was for A. Cute little fellow! We didn’t dare to stay too late though, as we had to get home through the snow and one never knows how public transportation works in this town when snow is falling. Except for missing my bus by half a minute or so in Brunnsparken, having to wait twenty minutes for the next one, I did alright … the bus was crowded, and there were some people on later stops who could not even get on, but otherwise it went fine. And during my wait in town I had time to go to the pharmacy, that doesn’t close until 22:00 But I still felt rather wet, cold and miserable when I got home, and was only too happy to cuddle up with A. on the sofa to watch “NCIS” with a nice cup of tea (but no more cookies for me, I had well enough at casa Mu!) and lots of hugs.
I don’t think you’ll be surprised when I tell you that I had much rather stayed in bed with my sweetie than gone out into the snow this morning?! He was so warm and cuddly, and knowing that he will not be home until really late this evening (he’ll work until nine and then go to the movies) I just did not want to let go of him, but I had to. But I seriously doubt there is anything better than being close to him, feeling his strong arms around me. I feel whole when I am with him. And loved. Last night I dreamt that I was pregnant! I think that must be the first time ever that I dreamt that and it still felt like a good dream … or at least it has not happened many times! It’s not like having a baby is something that I am planning for anytime soon … but still. The dream was cozy. Nothing much happened in it, but I was pregnant and I think that no one knew except for A. and me, and we were very happy about it … sort of liking the fact that we had a wonderful secret that no one else knew and that our love had created a miracle. That was the feeling. Nice. Then I dreamt about cars … and when I dream about cars and/or driving, the dreams are never cozy. I dreamt that I was going to drive A.’s car somewhere, and of course it did not do anything I wanted it to do. Cars never do in my dreams. Trouble began already when I turned the key in the door to open it, ‘cause somehow that made the engine start and the car jumped forward, but at least it did not hit anything. Then I got into the car, put in the reverse and was going to back out of the parking space … but of course the car did not go backwards at all, but forward and when I tried to break, nothing happened, and the front of the car smashed into something that was in front of me … Argh! I just hate dreaming about driving … and I really don’t understand what this dream meant right now. Usually I’d say those dreams are a clear sign that I don’t feel like I am in control, but … I don’t know! Dreaming of bearing A.’s and my baby was so much nicer, I must admit
I got my rubberstamps from Stämpelboden today, that I ordered last week when I was feeling sick and sorry for myself. Since they only sell unmounted and clear stamps, postage was only 12SEK, and I got some of the rubberstamps on sale too, so it was great. Now I should just get around to ever using all of those stamps But there is so much to do and so little time, right? Especially nowadays when I spend an immense amount of time cuddling on the sofa with my sweetheart. That might not be productive, but I wouldn't change it for anything! Cuddling is the best thing ever, and I really, really wish that he would be home soon and not going to the movies, but … I will have to survive. I even hope that I will be able to fall asleep before he gets home, or else I'll be dead tomorrow. Better then if I fall asleep for a while and wake up when he comes home, hopefully being able to steal a hug or two Not that I really think that I will have to “steal” them … he tends to give them anyways And he had written to me earlier, on Facebook, that he is so lucky that I want to be his *smiles widely* Luck has nothing to do with it … it's simply impossible to not love him But it WAS luck of course that we met at all! The best thing that ever happened to me! Next week, on Valentine's day, it will be nine months since the first date …
Hihi, my sister told me today that dad had said to her that he thought we were going to Paris in May and that we were going there to get engaged on our one year anniversary! Don't ask me where he got that from, and my sister corrected him, saying she was pretty sure we were going in March. Ah well, after all my workmate Micke checked my hand for an engagement ring already after our last trip … People have way too much imagination! (This said, if we were getting engaged, surely I wouldn't mind doing it in Paris … perhaps under the Eiffel tower … Doesn't get much more romantic than that now, does it? )
A. and I went to see the movie that everyone in Sweden seems to be talking about right now, “Snabba cash”, yesterday and I must say that I really hated it! It’s the first time ever that I’ve left the cinema before the movie was over, but seriously … it made me feel sick! I was crying so hard that I could not breathe, and I am not usually a sensitive person when it comes to movies … Even A., who has seen a lot more movies than I have, said that this one was too much. It was just raw, violent and unpleasant … there was nothing nice or beautiful in it at all, just violence and misery. And the violence was very brutal, very realistic and … just too much. Add to that the awful feeling of seeing this guy trying so hard to fit in with the upper class youths of Stockholm (and them all trying to keep some cool façade), crime gang related murders, beatings and shootings and a poor little girl whose mother is a drug addict being sent to stay with her dad who is a gangster, ending up in the middle of a shoot-out … I really was too much for me. On top of that the movie was filmed in a very nauseating way, with the person/thing in front very much in focus and the rest very blurry … it made me feel sick, almost like car sick, you know? In short it was not a good experience, and we watched perhaps two thirds of the movie before we finally left. A. had asked me earlier too if I wanted to leave, but I felt bad at first, thinking that he might still want to see it … but finally, when he asked me again as tears were just streaming from my eyes I agreed, as I just wanted to get out of there! And being the sweet, wonderful man he is, he held me and hugged me and finally managed to get me to calm down … and it felt good to hear him say that he hadn’t liked it either, even if he did not react to it as much as I did. I really don’t see how anyone can get any pleasure out of seeing that type of movie! I was only too glad to go home and cuddle on the sofa in front of “CSI NY” instead. I am the luckiest girl on the planet to have this wonderful man to cuddle with! Don’t know what I would do without him! (And it’s truly a great deal of luck that we’re both so addicted to cuddling! Both of us really can’t get enough of it, and that’s lovely.)
We’ve gotten more snow. Again and again. This winter is really weird! I mean, I guess that it’s pretty much like a winter should be, but it’s been a long, long time since we’ve seen such a winter here! It’s a bit dangerous out on the streets though, as there is a thick layer of ice at the bottom and then some snow on top of it … It gets really, really slippery in many places, I tell you! But it’s still nice with snow … it makes the world pretty! It’s a lot nicer than when the world is just grey, slushy and boring, right? But a lot of people complain about the weather and say they wish for spring. Sure, spring would be nice, but it’s not going to happen in a few months, so there is no use wishing for it now. This said, I can’t believe it’s February already! Time moves so fast! In just a few weeks A. and I will go to Paris again! Yesterday, after the movie, he told me that I should think of having hot chocolate in Paris. That that could be our “happy place”. Now, that’s a good thought to push away darker ones Paris with my lovely lion, that’s beautiful! But then again … anywhere is beautiful with him. Gosh, I love him so much!
After not reading much in a long, long time I finally got caught in a book again lately, and finished it the other day. It was “Heaven’s net is wide” by Lian Hearn, which is a prequel to the books about the Otori that I’ve read before. The whole prequel thing is a bit tricky, I think, as most readers already know what happens later, and hence how some of the things in the book will end up, which takes away part of the excitement … and the books was sort of boring at the beginning, I thought, going over facts and events very fast and sort of shallowly, but after a while it got better – or perhaps I just got into it more – and the last half of the book had me rather hooked. Tales from Ancient Japan fascinates me, even though this one did not include any samurais or anything like that. The people had such a strong, and often weird, sense of honor, and the environment in which the stories are told sounds so pretty, somehow …
I had more to write about, but I’ll have to take it some other time … Am going to visit Mu tonight It’s been too long since we met, again. We always say we should get together more, and then time just runs away … Sofus and A. are coming along too, so I am sure that it will be a lovely evening.
Again I am on the couch with my little pink friend. Its keyboard might be a bit tiny to write on, but I'd still say that it works better than the other keyboard I bought recently. We tbought the problem with it was solved when A. removed a certain cordless device, but it doesn't seem so. It behaves a bit better, but not much, and it's very annoying when it doesn't take all that you write or adds letters on its own. I wanted to throw it out the window earlier when I tried to practice some French with the CD that is included with my book … Not that I would've gotten all the answers right anyway – I really should put my ass down to study every now and then, only I am not that good at self-studies – but it would've helped a lot if the keyboard hadn't added letters that I did not write and such! *growls* In fact I am on the couch with TWO pink friends, as my plush Piglet from Paris is here with me too I was a little amazed the other day when A. said that we should go back to Disney Store and see if we could get another, smaller Piglet. I wonder what was wrong with him at that moment, 'cause usually he says that the plush toys are creepy … mostly when I play with them, not when they're just lying around. Speaking of which, he found little Jacques under a pillow in the sofa this morning and said ”Hey! Isn't this your French rabbit?”
A. is off to play games with some friends and I am just lazing around, since I can't seem to decide on what to do. That is so typically me … I can't put my mind to one single thing, so I end up doing nothing. Putting my mind to something online usually works better than most other things, so I finally decided to do some blogging. I have also finished the letter for Mély that I started earlier in the week (only like half a year late) and, like I said, tried to study some French. I wanted to do something creative, but couldn't think of what. Silly me! I suppose I should take a meditation class or something, to learn how to focus my mind!
It has been a rather grey day today too … it seems like as soon as the weather turned milder (-1,5 today) it automatically grew cloudy and boring as well. A. and I did go for a little walk in the neighbourhood, but that's the only exercise we've had all weekend. We had plans to do a little walking after having dinner at Lilla Tavernan with some of his friends yesterday (to celebrate K's birthday) but it was really chilly in the air and I felt cold to the bone, so we decided that it was probably better to go out walking at some other time, when we were dressed for it. Especially since I am still suffering from my cold. A. keeps saying that I am sick, but I refuse to call it that. Having fever is being sick, just having a cold is just … err … not being well? Thank God for nasal spray though!
It's kind of funny that I wrote about Roxette in my last entry, 'cause on Friday night there was a program about them on TV. I only saw the beginning of it (they were talking about “The look”) but A. recorded the rest of it, so I guess I will see it some day soon. It's been a long time since I heard anything about Roxette, so it was kind of funny that I was writing about them and then they turn up on TV Tonight I am, however, listening to a more recent – and much less famous – Swedish artist … Evan. I like his music a lot too, but it's not like I have any sentimental relationship with him, as I have with Roxette … Gosh how I wish I had seen them live at some point! I have seen Marie solo live with an international bunch of crazy Roxette-fans though Some of them were so fanatic that it was almost scary … I remember even the other fans thinking that this one girl from South Africa who had dyed and cut her hair to look just like Marie and stuff like that, that she was mental for real. I was there, meeting up with my Spanish pal Judith … who I lost touch with not so long after that. I wonder what she does these days. I often wonder that about a lot of those old pals … Some I've found again on Facebook, but some are seemingly gone forever from my life, and that is really sad … especially those with whom I had a real close relationship at some point, and then I guess I think mostly about Linda from Finland, 'cause most of the others I've seen online at some point, even if we don't have regular contact. I really wish I knew how she is these days, for at one point in my life I pretty much counted her as my very best friend … Even though I do very little of it these days, I still claim that penpalling must be one of the best hobbies ever!
I am sitting on my couch, trying to find the best way to balance the little computer on my lap and still be able to write … and I am listening to an album that I actually think is one of my favourites of all time, Roxette's ”Tourism”. They might be a bit forgotten these days, but Roxette made a lot of great songs back in the days! And gosh, how I loved them! I must have driven everyone in my family mad, listening to the ”Joyride” album over and over and over … and I had my entire room filled with posters of them … Seems a very long time ago now, and I guess it was … but the music is still great. Especially the things they did back then. The latest albums do not appeal to me as much, even though they too include some good songs. Per Gessle sure managed to write a lot of great love songs for Roxette, even though he used to claim that his knowledge of English wasn't that good and most of his lyrics in Swedish are rather silly, not to mention filled with a zillion na-na-nas
The weekend is here finally! It feels so good to know that I do not have to get up early for the next two days, and that I can stay cuddled with A. for as long as I want to! The latest question at Farmorsbloggen was what one would do if one had an extra hour every day … and I think that is what I would do … cuddle more with A.! I have a feeling that we cuddle more than most people as it is … but both of us seem to have a huge craving for hugs and kisses, so … who cares what other people do? Otherwise I might want to give the extra hour to him, so that he'd have to stress out less at work. While work has been rally slow for me this week, he's been stressing a lot, and I feel sorry for him. Stress is, after all, not good for you! Especially not as you get older … when I was twenty I used to think that I handle stress very well … but I've realized that it was just because I was young. Now I don't think I handle it better than most people. There are, of course, lots of things that one could do with an extra hour … study French, make pretty cards, read more books … but I have a feeling that if I actually got an extra hour, chances are that I would use it to get more sleep! What would you do?
I fell asleep in front of the telly again last night, and it wasn't even late … Getting up at 5:20 really takes its toll! Next week I will only have to get up at 6:20 – yay! But then I won't like having to stay at work until 16:00 instead of 15:00 so … One is never pleased, right? I do tend to feel a bit more alive in the evenings during the weeks when I start work a bit later though … I seriously doubt that I will feel like walking home next week, as it's already rather dark at four … I walked today though, even though it wasn't as appealing as the other days due to a rather grey sky and a touch of snow in the air … so now I feel good about myself! Especially since I did not havechocolate when I got home, but a carrot! I always feel like eating something when I get home, and it's so easy to make that something a piece of candy, when one actually enjoys a carrot pretty much just as well I am sure we'll have cake later in the evening …
My heart shaped chocolate cake did come out of the baking tin without problem yesterday, which was very nice. I made a pink frosting with a taste of strawberries, and added some sparkling pink sugar stuff to it and in the end I'd say it looked rather pretty. So when A. got home he was greeted by candlelight both in the hall and on the table, and dinner was ready to eat … and then there was cake … and lots of hugs of course. I think it made him happy, even though I doubt that he had any idea it was our 8-month-celebration He must indeed be a bit crazy, 'cause he really seems to love his little Piglet. And here I am, hoping that he'll be home soon
I definitely spend too much time sitting still, by the computer or on the couch or wherever it might be. It’s a habit that is hard to break, though, and when it comes for the couch part it has been a lot more of that since A. came into my life … Cuddling on the couch is, after all, very cozy. I feel utterly boring most nights though, as I get so sleepy. I do get up very early in the morning, so it’s not really a surprise that I can’t stay awake all night, but still … I feel boring when A. wants to look at some movie or something and I either fall asleep on the couch or want to go to bed. I know that I am a bit unfair to myself (after all, A. does not get up until around eight) but still … I have a talent for being hard on myself, and I feel boring. The other night this and feeling useless in some other way made me cry, again. It must be really frustrating to be around me *sigh* I have no reason whatsoever to feel sad, yet I can’t help but do sometimes. There must be something wrong with me!
Half of January is gone already and I can’t help but wonder where time goes! We still have cold weather and snow on the ground, but today was a bit milder with only -5 this morning. All of a sudden we think that such a temperature is rather high … normally that’s quite a low degree around here. In any case, no matter how much we complain about being cold most people still prefer this weather to the usual slushy, grey and rainy winters of Göteborg. The world looks pretty with a glistening white cover, after all. I’ve walked home from work the past two days and it has been really pretty outside with the snow and the setting sun (Gosh! I long for longer days!) even though, unfortunately, the way between work and my home isn’t the prettiest and most inspiring to walk …
Tonight at 18:00 it’s eight months since A. and I first met! He won’t be home at that exact hour as he’s working until 18:30 but I try to figure out something special to prepare for when he comes home. Will probably make some kind of cake … maybe try my heart shaped baking tin again. As I recall it did not work very well the last time I tried to use it (the cake stuck inside) but still … it would look pretty with a heart shaped cake, no? Must try to figure out what to make for dinner too … I have absolutely no inspiration for food at the moment, but one has to eat, right? In any ca se … eight months! It’s amazing! I don’t even want to think about life without him, can hardly understand how I survived. He really is the most wonderful creature, and I wish I had words to describe the way he smiles or how his eyes glitter or … *dreams away*
We booked a weekend in Paris! It’s not until March, but I really can’t wait! At the same time I am a bit worried, as it’ll be extremely hard to top our last trip there, and there is a chance of disappointment if things aren’t as perfect as they were last time … but I am sure that we’ll be able to have a lovely time no matter what … and it feels great to have something booked with A. as well, as I have the other trip booked with the girls. We’re also trying to figure out what to do for summer vacation … We thought that perhaps we’d take a bus trip somewhere, but we haven’t made any real plans yet. We were thinking of Italy, but perhaps we’ll choose something else … Vacations rule! And no matter that I have booked my sixteen day vacation without him, I still felt sad when he told me about a couple of weekends when he’ll go away with the kids from work. I admit, I hate being without him! I’ve already told him that he is a lot like a drug --- very addictive!
He sent me a link to this song on Facebook earlier … So sweet! And it’s hard not to relate the lyrics to me … “You with the sad eyes Don't be discouraged Though I realize It's hard to take courage In a world full of people You can lose sight of it all And the darkness there inside you Make you feel so small” … that’s a lot like me. But I am glad that he loves me And apparently I am making at least some people (a colleague told me) worried with my sometimes sad Facebook updates, so I really, really should try to sort out what on Earth is wrong with me *sigh*But for now I think I will make do with trying to figure out how to decorate tonight’s cake
It’s a new year, and a very cold year at that. I don’t remember when we last had degrees this much below zero for such a long time. Most days it’s been around -10 degrees Celsius, and we’ve had more snow. It’s real winter! Unfortunately it’s been blowing these past few days, and that makes the cold very unpleasant … But real winter is still a lot nicer than just rain and wind and grey, no? And since I have my sweetheart to cuddle up with at home I still manage to get warm once in a while
We found a really sweet thing to hang on the wall in the Papeterie shop yesterday … I guess that you could call it a little sign, and it says “I am because we are”. A. pointed it out to me when he saw it hanging on their wall and said that that’s exactly what it’s like with us, and that perhaps we should get one of those for our kitchen wall when we move … Now, isn’t that sweet? In any case, I told him that it was probably better to get it right away, as it’s hard to know if they will still have it when we finally get a new apartment, so we did. And if I wasn’t mistaken, I’d say that the girl behind the counter thought that we were sort of cute and it made her smile. That happens to me sometimes when I see couples in love who look to be very sweet with each other … it makes me feel warm inside. It’s nice to think that perhaps we induce that feeling in others … A. also told me that one of his workmates had told him that he liked to read what A. and I write to each other on Facebook, as it shows that we really care about and love each other, and it’s not just pretty words … Oh my God! I am such a lucky girl to have this wonderful man in my life! I love him so much!
… and I am so lucky that he loves me too, even though I am totally crazy. Tuesday, Sofus, JoJo, Hanna and I booked a trip to the US for the end of March … We’ll be away for 16 days, visiting places like San Francisco, San Diego, Las Vegas, Grand Canyon etc. It’s a trip that we’ve been talking about doing for quite some time and now it’s going to happen … I should be thrilled, right? But all I could think of after Sofus told me all was booked was that I was going to be away from A. for more than two weeks, and I just wanted to cry … and I did later in the evening … when he joked something about what he would do when I left him all alone, I asked him if he was going to make me pay for that for a long time, and he told me that I really shouldn’t feel bad about it, that of course I should go even though he can’t afford to come (it’s an expensive trip, to say the least) etc. and then I broke down in tears. To tell the truth I think that what made me cry the most was thinking that if it had been him leaving me alone at home for 16 days I would’ve broken down totally. Just see how I felt when he was gone for four days! He told me that I really shouldn’t feel bad now about what will happen in March, but that is so typically me *sigh* In any case … I was really scared that he’d finally figure out I was mental and distance himself from me, but he’s the best guy ever, and in some weird way he seems to understand me. Can’t say that I would have blamed him if he had found it scary that his girlfriend obviously is very, very addicted to his presence and that it’s weird that I break down when it’s I who have booked a trip to go away from him … I told him that I am a really lucky girl that he puts up with me, and he told me that he really doesn’t see it like putting up with and that he wouldn’t want me to be any different from who I am … Gah! Did I ever say that I am so lucky to have found this guy?
It's a new year and everyone seems to have made lists of what happened last year and what they hope will happen in this one and stuff like that. I guess that any other year it would be likely that I'd join in, but I really don't feel much like it, and I think that everyone knows what I would remember 2009 for, no matter if I tell it or not And in any case I won't make this entry go on and on as a) I am typing on my new keyboard and it doesn't agree with me (A. just laughs, but I promise you that it doubles some letters that I write and leave out others) and b) I want to cuddle with my sweetheart!
There is a full moon on the clear sky outside my window, and tonight my baby is coming home! No need to tell you, I guess, that I can’t wait to have him in my arms?! In fact that is pretty much all I can think of right now, and I wish I knew when he’s going to be home … just sent him an SMS to ask him if he had any idea … and now I will be waiting nervously until he replies, afraid that something has happened to him out on the snowy, icy roads. I hope they are not as bad as the pavements and walkways are here in town … every step one takes outside around here is pretty much a danger to life and limb. Since the weather was really lovely today I had to risk it though, and took a walk out in the crisp air … but it’s not like I could keep up any pace, and I had to watch my every step. It was lovely to see the sun, though.
Around a quarter to midnight last night I was woken up by the SMS signal of my phone … at first I was really confused, not understanding why the alarm went of when I hadn’t set any and why it sounded so odd … but then I realized what it was I had heard … and it was a message from A. saying that he hoped I did not feel that he was repeating himself, but he missed me and loved me a lot. Aaw! The sweetheart! No way on Earth that I would mind him telling me that. As far as I am concerned he could tell it to me every second minute and I wouldn’t mind
Don’t know what else to say … like I said before, all I can think of is having A. back home … and worrying. Been fifteen minutes and no reply … but there could be a number of reasons for that, and I try not to fret. Try, that is. He means way too much for me not to worry. Gosh, how I need him here with me!
I wonder why TV refuses to show my favourite shows these days. I had been looking forward to sitting down on the couch to watch “Navy CIS” and had told myself firmly that today the little pink computer was forbidden, as it just makes me loose track of what’s going on in the show I am watching, and “NCIS” is way too cool for that. But … do you think that they showed “NCIS”? No! Instead there was the stupid show with Swedish Hollywood wives again. And yes, folks, I am well aware that there is war and starvation and all that in the world, and that a cancelled TV-show isn’t really a problem, but … I am still upset. I had looked forward to spending a little time in the company of Abby, Gibbs, McGee and the others, trying to forget that sweetheart isn’t here …
Speaking of which … I have a really lovely picture of him on my desk top right now (on the old computer … apparently one can’t put a desktop picture on the small one *sigh*), to at least be able to see him every once in a while (I admit to looking at his very pretty Facebook profile photo every now and then too *blush*). I am pretty sure that he wouldn’t like my choice of picture, but what he doesn’t know won’t kill him, right? It’s of him making a funny face, and it reminds me of how he always makes me smile I have a framed picture of the two of us by the bed too … I got it from him the day before Christmas as an early present … But I can’t wait until tomorrow when he’ll be here and I’ll see him live again … when I’ll be able to hug him tight, cover him in kisses and tell him how beautiful he is.
I cried myself to sleep again last night. Or … that’s not true. I went to bed, I worked some on a Japanese picture puzzle (they’re perfect for when you want to keep your mind off of everything else), I laid on my yantra mat for a while … then I tried to sleep. And then I started thinking too much, thoughts just spinning ‘round and ‘round in my head … of how he probably had a much better time without me there and how his friends were probably just happy that he did not drag his quiet and boring girlfriend along and … then I cried so hard I could not breathe, and of course I wasn’t able to fall asleep at all after that, but just laid in bed, twitching and turning and feeling miserable. God, I am truly pathetic!
In any case I managed to fall asleep in the end, and was awakened from a really weird dream by an SMS in which he told me that he missed me, that he longed to hug me and cuddle with me, and that he loved me. Gosh how I wished in that instant that I had wings so that I could have flown to him! No need to tell you that it made my morning a lot better than my night had been, right? And now I will just have to go to bed and wake up without him one more time, then he’ll be home … and hopefully it’ll be a while until I have to sleep without him again! I truly miss him so much it hurts, but let’s hope that I can keep from crying tonight … Gav said something about A. being like medicine for my soul, and that is so true. And this girl definitely don’t do too well when she goes off medication
I went shopping at Backaplan with JoJo today, and apparently that was a good choice for shopping grounds, as JoJo said the city centre looked over-crowded when she passed it on the tram, but the stores that we went to weren’t crowded at all. Not that there were anything really interesting on the sales anyway … I managed to find a dress to wear for New Year’s, though not on sale. I think my sister will be pleased with it, as it doesn’t show very much cleavage and isn’t too short All in all we spent more than four hours shopping, but still didn’t come home with much. Well, I think JoJo managed to find a little more stuff than me, like new shoes, a coat, a cover for her new I-phone etc. We also bought some wine for New Year … Neither of us know much about wine, but we hope that we didn’t do too bad After all, people won’t have to drink it if they don’t like it! And since we’re talking about things that one can drink I just have to, a bit out of the blue, recommend you to taste polka tea! I got some at Liseberg before Christmas, from the Gränna polkagris store … and I just love it!
I will try my best to write a less depressed entry today. I do feel less depressed, even though I had a short return to those feelings of yesterday when I woke up all alone in the dark this morning … I can't help but to wish that I were where he is, or that he were where I am … you know? It felt lonely to go to bed on my own yesterday – especially in our new, big bed – but I still think that waking up without him is the worst part. I have gotten used to being able to curl up beside a warm, cuddly, wonderful person who tells me he's a lucky man to have found me …
Anyway, P. made me very happy by writing that she thought that I was the best thing that ever happened to A. and that he has truly revived since he met me. It felt good to hear that, as you might guess She has, after all, known him for a long time … I truly hope that he, too, thinks that I am the best thing that ever happened to him … 'cause I definitely think that he is the best thing that ever happened to me. I've said it before, and I'll say it again – he makes me so happy! It's kind of hard to understand sometimes that one can actually be this in love and this happy!
Don't ask me where this day went, 'cause I am not sure … I've spent time online, I've been to the grocery store (it was very, very slippery outdoors, as there is a mix of snow, slush, ice and water on the streets, so even though the weather was rather nice, taking a real walk was out of the question), tidied a little bit among my craft materials, made a birthday card for C. and a cute little bookmark for A. (I put it in the book he's currently reading … hope he'll like it when he finds it ), spent some time with a Japanese picture puzzle … and I think that's about it. I feel a bit bad about all the things that I haven't done, but hey … it's vacation, right?
Hm … did I ever mention that I am crazy? A while ago he wrote me on Facebook (our beloved application HugMe) that he misses me, and it almost made me cry. The thought that ran through my head? “No way you miss me half as much as I miss you”. Why can't I believe that he does? I mean, sure it is always “harder” on the one being at home than the one being on a trip, as the latter is doing something exciting and out of the ordinary and all that, but still … It's not that I don't think that he misses me … but does he seriously wish that I was there? I think that is what I doubt somewhere deep in my heart, and that is why it hurts. And then it hurts that I feel this way, 'cause that makes me feel egoistic. I should just be glad that he's enjoying himself, right? I am. It's not like I want him to be miserable because he's not with me … of course I want him to have fun! He deserves to have the best ski vacation ever! I should just shut up … I enjoyed myself when Sofus and I were in Ireland, and I still missed him A LOT … so why can't I believe that he misses me just as much right now? I suppose that it's simply because I can't see why anyone would … miss me … The most broken part of me wants to scream “one should be glad to be rid of you”, but no, I KNOW that is NOT how he feels. The sane part of me knows that! I truly am a hopeless case! I just hope that he never realizes that …
I just wish that Wednesday night will arrive soon! I need to feel his arms around me! I need to see the smile on his beautiful lips and I need him to put a smile on mine, to make me giggle the way he always does. I don't care how cheesy it sounds … he completes me! I've spent so much time feeling broken … He puts the pieces back together. And he fills in the holes. He makes me whole.
My Opera
