Posts tagged with "french"
Wednesday, 2. December 2009, 20:26:12
frost, love, A, feelings
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It’s the second day of December, the moon is full and the cold lingers … it was -5 degrees when I left home this morning, and even though it was really dark, I could still see hints of glistening frost in the lamp lights, and it was very beautiful … not to mention how pretty the world was later, when the sun was up. I don’t see much of the outside world from where I work, but I saw it at lunch, when H. and I went for a short walk, just to feel the cold, crisp air and the sun on our skin for just a few minutes. The surroundings of our workplace don’t exactly inspire long walks, but … there are some little treasures of beauty even there … such as the field of high 
grass that was glistening so beautifully outside the window of the room where we eat our lunch if we stay in the building … Frost makes the world so beautiful one could almost cry! It puts a shimmer to the world, much like love does…
… and I truly wish that I could put into words the way it makes me feel inside when A. smiles at me. But perhaps it is good that I can’t. Perhaps some things should not be explained or put down in writing, but just felt and experienced and enjoyed? And I just love the way he always makes me laugh. That’s definitely one of the things about him that I fell for … It’s a really good quality in a person, that they are able to make you laugh, no? I found some old e-mails in my account at work today, where I had written to C. about him when we had just met … and I kept saying how charming he was 
And that he is. When you think about it, the way my life is now … seven months ago I would never have imagined that I could be this happy … I w as seriously wondering if I would be alone forever … I was seeing horror scenarios in my head of lonely Christmases and holidays in the future … of being lonely and bitter and miserable. That could still happen, of course, but … at least it seems less likely now
This said, I’ve been to French class tonight. It was the second last lesson for this semester, and we’re into the last chapter of the current text book. It’s been quite an intense semester, and the last few weeks we’ve learnt passé composé, imparfait and future tenses … it’s all getting a bit tangled up in our heads, I tell you … but I’d say we’re doing progress. There is so much difference between this class and the one I was in last year! Here everyone is focused on learning and seem to have done their homework each week, asking relevant questions etc. I am so glad that I changed classes! Not only because I prefer going on Wednesdays when A. works late anyway 
Speaking of which, I hope he comes home soon! Can’t help but worry a bit about him, since it’s so cold and he still doesn’t have winter tyres on his car … and I long for his embrace! *in love*
Thursday, 24. September 2009, 17:44:14
movies, fatigue, tv, packing
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I’m so tired! And it feels like I am coming down with a cold! That can’t be … I must find my way out of it somehow (I’ve been suggested vitamins, whiskey with honey, vodka and God knows what) ‘cause I really can’t get sick right now! And I am already so sick of the darkness that comes with this time of year … it’s pitch black when I go to work in the mornings now (I start work at 6:30 this week) and it is so depressing. Especially when it’s wet and windy like this morning. Right now I feel that all that keeps me up is the thought of vacation … Both A. and I seem to focus on that a lot right now … This morning I told him “one week from now we will wake up in Paris”, which made him smile … and he said that will be his birthday and that he wants a muffin with a candle in the morning. I wonder if I can fix that. I will do my best He did NOT want 30 candles though
This said, I asked my colleague if it would be okay for me to come in a bit later tomorrow, and she said yes. Yay! I did not feel tempted by the idea of getting up around five, then work all day and do conference stuff/party all evening. I haven’t decided yet how much time I will take off tomorrow, but my colleague said it would be okay either way. Maybe I will sleep long enough for A. to get up, so he could drive me to work? He asked me if I wanted him to do that yesterday, but did not look so tempted when I said I still meant to be at work at 7:30 … but perhaps if I go a bit later It doesn’t make that much difference at work, I think, and I really feel in need of some sleep and a good snuggle. The idea of sleeping without my sweetie for two nights now is a bit scary! Like I’ve said before – it’s uncanny how fast one can grow accustomed and addicted to something/someone.
Speaking of addictions … yesterday I watched an episode of “Buffy the vampire slayer”. I think it must have been about four months since I last watched her. I guess that addiction was just a reaction to not having any more interesting addiction (read “crush”)in my life … Can’t say I felt as into it all now, but it was still entertaining. Otherwise, yesterday was the first day of the new semester at French, and I’d say it went well … The new teacher (Martine) seems nice, the people more motivated than my last group and … I don’t think I’ll fail entirely when it comes to catching up. We were a mix of people who were new to this particular group and who’d been there for a while, so it was okay. I was not the only new one! And I like the fact that these people seemed a bit more ambitious than some of the people in my own group who after two semesters still couldn’t recall the present tense forms of être and avoir. For practice I watched a French film the other night, as I was waiting for A. to come home from his parents’ place. I wonder why all French films seem to be depressing … This was a thriller called “Le serpent” and I’d say it was rather good, but … like I said, sort of depressing. Everything just turned from bad to worse all the time. The ending did have a touch of Hollywood though. Can’t say I caught much of the spoken French though … they speak so fast and bind the words together so much that it’s almost impossible to recognize even a single word. I wonder if I will ever be able to understand spoken French *sigh*
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I've packed my bag now. At least I hope that I've packed what I need. It's so hard! And I want to bring a small bag, so it's hard to fit everything ... especially shoes. A. says he plans to travel only with cabin luggage when we go to Paris ... I don't think that I can do that. After all, one can't bring all the necessities in the make-up kit in your handbag anymore, due to the safety regulations ... I've really stressed at lot since I got home, making dinner (roast beef and a kind of potato salad - it turned out yummy!), taking a bath, trying to figure out what to pack etc. Now I just want to collapse in the sofa with my sweetheart and cuddle ... So I think that I will go for that!
Sunday, 20. September 2009, 12:40:47
movies, A, feelings, french
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I’ve been trying to study some French, as I still have a bit left to catch up before starting with the new group on Wednesday … but my head is sort of tired, and I don’t know if anything really sticks. I think I will do okay, though. I have just read a text about taking the metro in Paris … I wonder if A. and I will dare to do that when we’re there. If I understand things correctly, that’s the best way to get around … but metros sort of scare me. Whenever one sees them on TV and in movies, they always seem over-crowded and if there is something I don’t like, then it’s getting stuck in a crowd … especially in a cramped space like that. We don’t have a metro in GBG, so I am not used to it … Somehow I feel more comfortable with transportation over ground
I’m listening to the new Lars Winnerbäck album, that I got today. It’s hard to say yet what I think of it, but it’s not bad, at least. On the first listening there was no song that stuck with me particularly, but that might happen still, I guess. I will try to listen to it as much as possible before the concert, as it’s likely he will play a lot of songs from it, and it’s always nice to know the songs well when in concert.
Well, my head might be tired today, but it’s a lot better than yesterday. I don’t know what was the matter, but I pretty much felt like I had been out partying all night. I was wasted all day. The fact that I fell asleep on the sofa after we’d had breakfast and watched an episode of “MacGyver” didn’t exactly help, of course … I felt a bit sorry for A., cause I suspect that I was not the most interesting company yesterday … but I think he did alright. We went to the movies and saw “Flickan som lekte med elden” (The girl who played with fire - the second movie based on the “Millennium” books by Stieg Larsson) and I’d say that it was rather good. I haven’t read the book, so I can’t compare which one is better And I’d say we were rather stressed out on our way to the movies, as we got stuck in traffic on the way into town and then, when we had finally parked and managed to get something to eat at McDonald’s, we realized that we were by the wrong cinema. We were by Bergakungen but our tickets were for Biopalatset … but well, we actually only missed the first minute or so of the movie, which is quite impressive. I don’t even think that A. broke any traffic regulations on the way
Anyway, the dinner with his parents the other night went just fine. Of course, I had nothing to worry about, and I felt rather silly afterwards for all my fears. Well, I don’t know what they thought of me, of course, but I have no real reason to feel worried. I don’t think that I made a fool of myself, and I might not had been very talkative, but I wasn’t all quiet either. In truth, A. talks so much that awkward silences aren’t very likely to happen in his company We had a lovely dinner at Il Gambero and I hope that they thought that I was okay. At least I thought that they were both very sweet … I didn’t, of course, but I felt very tempted to thank them heartly for the fact that A. exists. I’m so glad that he does, and I am so glad that he’s part of my life … and happy that he seems as happy to have me in his life. And I am so much looking forward to our trip to Paris!!! I really can’t believe that I am going to Paris with the cutest guy ever! It must be a dream!
Tuesday, 8. September 2009, 13:17:37
A, mornings, french, chores
Today I am oddly non-tired. A weird feeling, I tell you! I didn’t even sleep that well tonight, at least I don’t think so. I am not sure … I mean, I know that I slept ‘cause I remember dreaming (something about a train), but when I woke up I felt like I had not been sleeping well, if you know what I mean? Not to mention that there is a very annoying sound, like that from an alarm clock but very distant, that has been there for the last couple of mornings, driving me crazy. I am just glad that A. has heard it too, or I would be seriously worried about my ears … It’s the kind of sound that is so low that you can believe that you’re just imagining, but that still pierces your head like a needle … not very pleasant in the morning when one has just woke up! But waking up to A.’s smile and his hugs … well, that makes a morning so much brighter … Especially now that I don’t get up until 6:30 … we’re both a bit less sleepy then and actually exchange a few words as well as hugs in the morning … and that is so sweet! But gosh, I had a REALLY hard time leaving home this morning … just wanted to stay there with him! But he said he’ll come over after work, so at least I know that I will see him again soon. It’s such a great feeling to know … of course, he pretty much always does come over, but it’s a lovely thing to know all day for sure that he will!
Last night he did not show up until late and I actually managed to be quite a good girl during the evening. I had plans to do something useful, but hadn’t decided on what, but then one of the plants in the living room window decided to fall on the floor, and I had a good reason to do some serious cleaning/tidying in there … I even moved some things around a bit, which makes tidying a lot more fun. It’s not like I can make any huge changes with my furniture, but I moved a lamp and some ornaments and threw away some plants that had seen better days, and tidied the book shelf a bit … realizing that my row of books yet to be read has become very, very long … I really should do something about that before I buy any more books! But I hardly believe that’s an intention that I will keep to … buying new books is always so tempting! I also suppose that I should get rid of some books that I’ve already read and most likely will never read again. The question is what to do with them. Someone advised me to sell them on e-bay or something like that, but … does anyone really want to buy old books? It doesn’t seem worth the trouble somehow … I also watched some TV and cross-stitched a bit, trying to enjoy myself even without A.’s company. It shouldn’t be impossible now, should it? After all, I did survive to spend ALL evenings alone before … but I admit, it’s nicer when he’s around!
Today I spoke to the people at Medborgarskolan (I sent them an email and they called me back, don’t think I called them!) about French this autumn, and I am changing classes again. I felt like I’d rather go on Wednesdays like the first semester and also I wasn’t exactly pleased with the pace of the group last semester … so now I am jumping into another class, which has gotten a bit further than we did, so I have to read four chapters of the new book on my own. I’ve already pretty much learnt the first chapter and had a look at the second, so I should do alright, I hope. The alternatives were groups that had gotten even less into the first book than we did, and I really did NOT feel like that. I hope that this will work out just fine. Perhaps the extra challenge of having to catch up with work up my motivation for studying a bit? And I truly hope that the pace of this group will be a bit higher! Doing a chapter a week like we did the first semester sounds pretty reasonable to me, not doing a chapter every third week or so like we did this spring! The lessons start on September 23, so it’s just a couple of weeks away. I will miss out on the second lesson due to our trip to Paris, but I think that will be alright … after all, I will hopefully be practicing my French a bit in Paris, right?
Monday, 30. March 2009, 18:47:23
nails, fatigue, baking, french
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I think that the Chi-san thing might have worked. It’s not like I’ve been bouncing with energy all day, but I do feel less exhausted. It might be an illusion, of course. Or something not related to my little sip of “medicine” at all … but it still feels good. I’m tired, but not as tired as I usually am. And I had the energy to actually do some stuff when I got home instead of just lying down on my sofa or my bed, as I was considering doing, as my head has been hurting all day. Then again, when one actually does something immediately upon arriving home instead of sitting or lying down for a while to rest, one usually finds more energy.
So, today I started with baking polka-chocolate muffins (which I’ve been planning on doing ever since Robin and Kribbe talked about them last week), and while I was at it I figured that it was better I made some dinner to put the oven to use when it was already warm, so while the muffins were baking I put together a pasta gratin … and while the gratin was cooking, I did the dishes. Very efficient. Then I watched an episode of “Buffy the vampire slayer” while eating. After that I haven’t been overly efficient, though. I got started studying French, but grew tired of it. The text book is boring, and the article I was reading about the killings of cops in Northern Ireland annoyed me. I don’t have that much trouble understanding the words, or even the story most of the time, but there are always some expressions that I just can’t figure out 
Expressions (and prepositions) are hard in all languages, I know … especially since they aren’t always included in dictionaries.
So now I am by the computer again … and painting my nails bright yellow The latter you can blame JoJo for. She’s the one who thought I would have use for a yellow nail polish! I wonder, however, how people manage to paint their nails so perfectly … I always mess up at least one nail. Not that I have pretty nails to begin with, I am afraid. They are very brittle, and break easily, and I have a tendency to bite them … and they are weirdly shaped *sigh* Ah well, I guess that the fact that I am writing about my nails just shows that I don’t really have much to write today …
I found it rather depressing that it was dark this morning when I biked to work. I really don’t see the point of this so called daylight saving. Biking home was no fun either, but that was due to the wind. Biking against the wind really is no fun at all. Especially when one is as unfit as I am at the moment
And it is really scary how easy it is to waste time in front of the computer …
Recipe for the polka choco muffins, if anyone is interested:
100 g butter
2 eggs
2,5 dl sugar
1,5 teaspoon "vanilla sugar" (or any kind of vanilla extract, I guess)
1 ml salt
4 tablespoons cacao powder
2 dl wheat flour
0,5 teaspoon baking powder
smashed peppermint log candies, as many as you like
*melt the butter
* mix all the ingredients
* add the smashed candy to the dough
* put into muffin molds
* bake in the middle of the oven, circa 10 minutes, 200 degrees Celsius
Sunday, 29. March 2009, 19:19:07
letters, fatigue, time, french
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It seems like I am behind with everything at the moment. I’m definitely behind with my book-blog, and most certainly behind with my cleaning --- I’m behind with my dream-blog too. No one would notice that, though, as it’s a personal thing that I decided I’d try to keep a few months back (the first dream I wrote down in it was about I., if I remember correctly). I have some dreams scribbled down on a note pad beside my bed - it’s not like I remember a dream every night - but so far that’s as far as they got. I definitely intend to do a whole lot more than I actually do, eh? I am, however, proud to announce that I am no longer behind with my letters! I wrote to Renate on Friday and now I am all out of mail to reply. Let’s not mention the fact that both Mély’s and Renie´s letters would have been better off being replied in January or so. I don’t know why I struggle so much to do even the stuff that I like doing - like writing letters, cross-stitching etc. - and not only to do the boring chores, which is more natural. There really doesn’t seem to be any energy within me for anything …
I bought something at the pharmacy yesterday that is supposed to help against fatigue. I can’t say that I truly believe that it will, but I feel like I’ve reached the point where I must catch at a straw, 'cause I just can’t stand being tired all the time. I haven’t tried it yet, though. I believe I might be a bit afraid to try, as I don’t want to find out that it doesn’t work. I suppose that it will be a good day to try tomorrow though, as it’s the first morning of the DST that I have to get up early. This morning Sofus and I got out of bed when we woke up from it being light outside and even though that meant nine o’clock by the new time, it was still not exceptionally early by winter time either … When my alarm goes off at five tomorrow, I am sure that I will feel the difference more. Which reminds me that I’d better change the time on my alarm clock right away, so that I don’t forget …
I got some paint today and have now tried to enamel my chest of drawers … I’ve just put one layer of paint onto it so far, and it’s supposed to require three, and I sincerely hope that it will look better once I’m done. As it is now, it’s way too visible where I’ve crossed strokes, or put too much paint, or whatever. I am definitely not a pro when it comes to these things … And it always takes much longer than one imagines. I actually have just painted the body of it and not the actual drawers, but that’ll have to wait until tomorrow. Or perhaps I will wait and see what the result will be and hope that I find some great strategy to make it look perfect. I should also book an appointment with the laundry room for this week, as that is long overdue. Would be great if I finished sorting out the clean clothes from last month’s laundry session too :S Yes, I definitely DO suck at household chores!
Hihi, I bought a really cool book at Bokia yesterday. A visual French dictionary! It has pictures of different things with the words for it written in French and with a Swedish/Danish/Norwegian translation. I think it’s really beautiful! And I believe that such a book can be really helpful when trying to learn new glossaries. Visual help is never wrong. I do believe that I saw an even cooler (and more expensive) version of this sort of dictionary in another bookstore a while back, but this one will do for now I also ordered some books from Adlibris the other day, including the next French course book (including the answer book, but don’t tell that to David!) and a random novel in French. If I keep up with my own intentions, I should be able to learn a great deal of French, no? It’s just too bad that we’re not moving much forward in class *sigh* The lessons are a lot of fun, but that’s mainly because the people there are cool … but we don’t get anywhere. I am sure we learn a little every time, but the pace is so slow that it’s agonizing. I am sure that even those who have a bit of a problem catching everything must suffer from this. Sometimes it’s better to just move on to something else, and the things that made no sense before can suddenly make sense because you learn something else. Know what I mean? I think we’ve done two or three chapters so far this semester, last semester we did one chapter a week, and no one was complaining about that … I know for a fact that the other girl left from my old class also thinks that this is ridiculous. Every week we hope that we’ll get the next text as homework, but no … This time he asked us to re-read the last three chapters *frustrated* But since pronunciation is the thing that I have most trouble with, and for which I need a teacher the most, I guess that it still gives me something, and I’ll just try to study other things on my own. I do read articles from the French news sites every now and then. After all I am rather used to reading stuff with the help of my dictionary, after the endless hours I spent doing just that back in Italian class at university …
[picture from Globeförlaget]
Friday, 20. March 2009, 21:34:30
movies, feelings, french, computers
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I’m listening to music via Spotify (thanks for the invite, Gav, even though I was late accepting it), and am just a little bit annoyed that I can’t seem to get the scrobbling on last.fm working. It’s supposed to work with Spotify, but it doesn’t. I can’t help but wonder if it’s a problem caused by the internet security program … a lot of things not working seems to be due to the fire wall or something else security related reacting. It does work with the “what I’m listening to” function on MSN messenger though. In any case, it seems to be a good place for listening to albums, deciding whether to buy them or not. I’ve already decided to buy the album of Erik Segerstedt Am currently listening to an album from Joshua Kadison that I haven’t found in the stores so far …
I should go to bed soon. Sofus wants to meet at the tourist fair at 10 tomorrow. I should get some sleep. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow feeling like I would rather be dead than getting out of bed, which was the case this morning. I am truly sick of being tired!
But at least I’ve been a little bit of a good girl and cleaned my fridge today. It wasn’t exactly the thing that I needed to do most of all, but it was the one thing that I felt inspired to do. And I cooked dinner. Yay! Even had dinner at the kitchen table instead of by the TV. I really prefer it that way, but most of the time I just feel too lonely sitting there on my own, you know?
And then I watched a French movie, “Ne le dis a personne”, which was totally okay. At first I was a bit annoyed by the fact that I did not understand what they said, especially Alexandre who spoke extremely fast, but after a while I got used to it, and I also think that I caught more and more words and expressions the longer I watched. I doubt that I will watch a French movie without subtitles anytime soon, though, if ever. There is a French movie showing at the cinema right now, “Il y a longtemps que je t’aime”, which I was sort of thinking about asking I. if he would like to see with me … but since he obviously doesn’t want anything more to do with me (nope, he still hasn’t called, which, of course, means that he never will) I guess that I will have to come up with a new plan … find a new candidate … but, honestly, I feel too tired to make any real effort when it comes to finding someone … I can’t help but to feel like the few mail conversations I’ve ended up in feel too shallow … Which might be terribly unfair of me, ‘cause it’s not very likely that one shares any really deep thoughts at the beginning like that, but … I just wish for someone who hits the spot, if you know what I mean? With whom even pointless conversations seem to make sense … it does happen. But not often. And I am sick of dreaming, but not getting. I worry about growing old alone, withering, being forever bitter and yearning.
Tuesday, 10. March 2009, 21:06:52
friends, life, feelings, french
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I sit here, alone in the darkness. The only light coming from the screen of the computer … I feel like burying myself under my covers and not come out until … yes, until when? I really don’t know! I got an e-mail from a friend who told me she’s not doing to well right now. It makes me sad … and it makes me think that I have no real reason for feeling miserable. My life really isn’t that complicated … I guess that in the end, when one thinks it through, the only one to be complicated is me. I make things complicated … I hate it. And I don’t want my friends to be sad and feeling bad. I wish that there was something I could do … but I feel empty, lost, inadequate.
It’s been another grey day in GBG. There was a faint hint of the sun around midday, but it disappeared almost too fast for one to notice it was ever there. The evening was very chilly when I left French class … I felt really cold when I got home. I’ve actually been feeling cold throughout most of the day - except for the bus ride into town; the bus was really warm, for some reason - and felt like there was a chill spreading from inside of me. My hands were so cold during the morning that they almost ached, although I seriously doubt that the office was colder than usual. It was just one of those days …
… in fact I would have preferred not to get out of bed this morning. I woke up feeling like I had not been relaxed all night, all tense and feeling rather weak. The latter most likely due to not eating enough yesterday. And the light bulb in my wake-up lamp was acting all weird this morning … at the set time, it lit up, then died, then lit up … doing so for a couple of times, until it finally went all dead. It looked a bit like lightning, actually. I was a bit worried that it would catch fire or something, but, like I said, it just died. I guess that I will have to try to find a new light bulb for it … think it’s a special kind though. So, no fake sunlight for me in the morning anymore. Well, at least it’s not pitch black in the mornings anymore … it’s actually kind of light out when I go to work now. There is hope of spring this year too, after all …
I didn’t feel much like going to French class today, but it was pretty fun in the end anyway. We laughed quite a lot. Perhaps due to the fact that everyone seemed a bit tired today … tired people occasionally tend to giggle, you know. I find it sort of fascinating though how often people ask David a question and he answers to something else. Pierre often did the same thing, so I am beginning to wonder if it’s a French thing
I sent a short e-mail to I. yesterday, before I went to bed. Trust me, I’ve been nervous every time I’ve logged into my e-mail account today, but so far there has been no reply. Perhaps there never will be. I just wish that there was a way to know whether or not he has actually read what I wrote … Haha. I wonder how many times during the day Katta asked me “has he replied yet?”. Somehow I have a feeling that he won’t. Most likely I messed up, and there is no turning back … But at least I tried. Belatedly, perhaps, and maybe stupidly … but I tried.
[photo (c) Anna 2009]
Tuesday, 10. February 2009, 20:50:16
sugar, public transportation, training, work
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I checked on my bike as I returned home, and it still looks okay. Seems like I did manage to fix my flat tired. Yay! I might actually have bragged about that a couple of times today:$ so it's good that it seems to have worked out properly. I guess that means I am on for training tomorrow. I tried to convince my workmate C to go with me ... We'll see what she decides. She seemed a bit sceptical about the dance thing, but ... If we don't like it we don't have to go there again, right? I hope that she will join me. It always feels better to be two when doing something new and potentially humiliating
And I still feel like candy. Or cookies. Or both. It was very tough to be in town, and not be allowed to buy something sweet. Especially since I had cheeseburgers (and water, mind you) at McDonald's (I did not have too much time to eat) ... that kind of food always make me yearn even more for sugar. And I was so tempted to buy a milkshake. But so far, so good. I've been strong. I just wonder how long it will take until I stop thinking about it ...
It was snowing this morning! Very little, but still ... it was sort of pretty. There was a thin layer of white on everything. I was a little bit too stressed out trying to be on time for the bus to really appreciate it though. I hate taking the bus in the morning. The bike leaves the house when I leave it, and if I am one minute later than usual to the bike I am one minute later than usual at work ... but with the bus, especially early in the morning, if one misses it, if even with just a few seconds, one is something like fifteen, twenty minutes later at work, and that's just too late. Fortunately I managed to catch the bus this morning - thanks to some running, which made me very warm and rather exhausted - and I was on time. Being late for work doesn't fit my profile, so I try to avoid that. The only time I can remember it happening was actually a morning when I was taking the bus and the bus I intended to take was early and left before schedule and then the next bus didn't arrive at all. One can't really plan for such things!
We had some kind of ISO-revision at work today, but they never got anywhere near me or the order office at all. We were all quite pleased with that. Not that I think we would have messed anything up, but those things still make one nervous. I think they spent most of the time haunting the bosses, though It was an okay day at work, all in all. Then I had to run (almost) for the bus again, as it leaves at 16:05 ... I get off at 16:00 and the bus stop is still a short distance away from work, so ... I was glad I managed to catch it. And French class was cool, too. I think I might eventually get used to David speaking so much in French, and insisting that we try to do the same. It is a very good way of learning, even though it feels a bit scary. French pronunciation is mad ... we had major problems saying "enregistrement" and then he had us say "nous choissions" which wasn't exactly easy either. If French sounded more like it is spelled, I would have less of a hard time learning it, I think. It's just confusing with all the letters that are not pronounced at all, and the way they seem to put all the words in a sentence together so that you can't tell where one ends and the other begins. I am sure this is no problem for native speakers, but for beginners like us it's hell. We want each word separately to at least have a chance to decipher them!
Tuesday, 3. February 2009, 20:35:27
boys, feelings, shopping, french
It's Tuesday but it feels like Wednesday. I will be all confused for the rest of the week now. French class makes me think it's Wednesday. I was a bit nervous about it, changing classes and teachers and all that ... but it went okay. The new teacher speaks almost only in French, which is a big change. It is good, I think, for a language teacher to use the language in question as much as possible, but it is very confusing when one is not used to it. And he spoke sort of fast. But I understood most of it anyway. It was much worse that he expected us to talk in French pretty much the whole time. Understanding a language is one thing, expressing oneself in it is an entirely different matter! Well, hopefully I will get used to this new order. Nicola always spoke in Italian (pretty much) and that did us a lot of good ... Hearing a language gives one a feeling for it that one can't learn in any other way. But French is tough. Sometimes I really do believe that it consists of more exceptions than rules.
Since I had some time to spend and I was sort of feeling sorry for myself, I bought some things that I didn't really need ... like new stationary. I also got a bag, a wallet and two scarves. It felt nice to do some shopping, but it didn't exactly bring me an immense joy. It didn't fill the void, the way some people claim that it can. But I'm okay. I'm a lot better today than yesterday. My stress-levels are down considerably now, even though some worries still remain. I'm just glad that I made it through today, without fainting or something. I did feel over-stressed though. I don't know how to explain it really, but there are ways that stress (mostly the inner kind), when it gets really bad, shows itself physically. Like a restlessness in the limbs, and a feeling of rash on my skin. It's quite scary. And I still have a slight feeling of detachment ...
I don't really know what to say, I just felt like writing. I could, of course, say that Mr Quiet is still very beautiful. I don't think it's a very clever thing to say, but it's still true. I don't know what it is about him ... I don't exactly think about him all the time, but ... when I see him, there is a certain twinge to the ... eh, I was about to say heart, but I don't think that would be entirely accurate. I just don't know. In some odd way he's just so beautiful to me. It's extremely weird to me to feel so utterly attracted to someone, yet not have any deeper feelings for him. Does this mean that I am growing up? Or is it something else? I was always only too good at dreaming too much and making fantasies seem real when I met a beautiful boy ... Whatever. Some days I really just want to tell him how beautiful he is. In case he does not know. But I bet he must have heard it before. And I really don't know why I can't stop talking about him. Sorry.
The stores in town are filled with heart-shaped stuff. Both Mély and Renie seem to have adopted the theme, sending me pink, hearty letters. If I didn't know better, I'd think they were out to depress me. I never was too fond of Valentine's Day. It has never been a happy day for me. The silliest thing about it is that it's not really a big tradition here - like in the States, for example - and yet the stores try to make it seem like it is. I suppose it's all about making money. Most people I know don't care much for Valentine's anyway. Especially not the ones who are in couples ... So I think that what this so-called holiday does is to just depress singles, while most couples just don't care, and don't spend money on all that the stores want them to. And of course there are one or two girls getting upset about their boyfriends not remembering the whole thing ... Not much positive energy in this day, if you ask me!
So, in the spirit of positive energy ... Here's today's list of what made me happy:
* Renate's letter
* finding two nice scarves at Rut m.fl
* having company for dinner (thanks, Gav!)
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