Sans toi je m'étais asséché
Wednesday, 16. September 2009, 19:26:29
It’s really about time that I update my blog again! I don’t understand why I never get around to it, ‘cause I think about it pretty much every day. But I guess that living life is better than writing 
about it in the end. Even though I admit to living life right now sometimes means watching shows I wouldn’t normally watch on TV (or lots of episodes of “MacGyver”) just for the chance of cuddling with A. He’s a lot more into watching TV than I am, finally. Me, I pretty much never put the telly on without the intent of watching something in particular, while he obviously likes to browse around (and complain about there being nothing good on *lol*) But it’s hard to stay away from the sofa when he’s there, I can’t deny that. He’s irresistible 
And I am so happy that he spends most of his free time here, with me, even though he sometimes complains that his own apartment must miss him, considering that he’s never there. And I can’t stress enough just how happy I am that he’s in my life! It’s been four months already since we first met (two days ago)… time passes fast! An entire summer has gone by since I first laid my eyes on him. And in two weeks we will be on our way to Paris! That’s just unbelievable. I think I must pinch myself now …
Am pretty nervous right now though, as tomorrow I’m going to meet his parents for the first time. He’s invited them out for dinner, and he asked me to come too. My colleague told me not to worry, as it’s not likely that a person like me would end up saying something stupid and making a fool of myself (she herself has a tendency to speak first and think after) … Err, no, that’s not what I worry about. I worry about being too quiet, hence appearing to be stupid or boring or whatever. And I worry about them thinking that I am not good enough for their wonderful son. I know that I should NOT feel that way. It’s mean to them even, as I am sure they are nice people who would not think things like that … but it’s hard not to fear that, since sometimeS I don’t feel like I am good enough myself, you know? Anyway, I hope that it will work itself out fine and that I will not make a fool of myself. Hopefully they’re just as easy-going as A is, and then it shouldn’t be that much of a problem, nervous or not. Hm, I wonder what I should wear …
I’ve read a bit in this book about working on one’s self esteem, “Självkänsla nu!” by Mia Törnblom, and I must say that some of it hurts to read. A lot of what she writes makes a lot of sense, even though I’ve always had a hard time applying this type of methods on myself. I mean, I might nod to myself when reading that one should write down positive things about oneself each day, or look oneself in the mirror saying “you’re pretty” or “you’re good just as you are” or whatever … but I can’t really see myself doing it, or believe that it would actually work for ME, you know? But when she writes stuff like how we’re sometimes afraid of being busted as fakes or how we, when we underestimate our own importance sometimes don’t realize that our thoughts or actions might hurt people who actually care about us, then that hurts. It’s too much to the point … too close to the things that I’ve been feeling, if you know what I mean? It’s eerie when someone puts words to one’s fears and feelings like that. I almost started crying when I read some of those things …
I had plans to do all sorts of useful things when I got home today, but I’ve done nothing. I went into town after work … got my watch fixed (for some reason the wrist band had gotten detached), walked through Haga into town, got a cute little box and some tea at Iems, and a really cute sewing box at Balders Hage, and a bag at Intersport … but that’s it. Nothing much. I wanted so buy so much at Balders Hage though … they have so many cute things! Makes one wish for a big, country side kitchen, as that’s where a lot of the stuff would fit perfectly… Speaking of shopping, I’ve got a list of things that I meant to order from Panduro but still didn’t … should get around to that soon, especially since I’m supposed to order some things for Sofus as well. Or perhaps I should first figure out how to keep some sort of order with the stuff that I already have? 
about it in the end. Even though I admit to living life right now sometimes means watching shows I wouldn’t normally watch on TV (or lots of episodes of “MacGyver”) just for the chance of cuddling with A. He’s a lot more into watching TV than I am, finally. Me, I pretty much never put the telly on without the intent of watching something in particular, while he obviously likes to browse around (and complain about there being nothing good on *lol*) But it’s hard to stay away from the sofa when he’s there, I can’t deny that. He’s irresistible And I am so happy that he spends most of his free time here, with me, even though he sometimes complains that his own apartment must miss him, considering that he’s never there. And I can’t stress enough just how happy I am that he’s in my life! It’s been four months already since we first met (two days ago)… time passes fast! An entire summer has gone by since I first laid my eyes on him. And in two weeks we will be on our way to Paris! That’s just unbelievable. I think I must pinch myself now …Am pretty nervous right now though, as tomorrow I’m going to meet his parents for the first time. He’s invited them out for dinner, and he asked me to come too. My colleague told me not to worry, as it’s not likely that a person like me would end up saying something stupid and making a fool of myself (she herself has a tendency to speak first and think after) … Err, no, that’s not what I worry about. I worry about being too quiet, hence appearing to be stupid or boring or whatever. And I worry about them thinking that I am not good enough for their wonderful son. I know that I should NOT feel that way. It’s mean to them even, as I am sure they are nice people who would not think things like that … but it’s hard not to fear that, since sometimeS I don’t feel like I am good enough myself, you know? Anyway, I hope that it will work itself out fine and that I will not make a fool of myself. Hopefully they’re just as easy-going as A is, and then it shouldn’t be that much of a problem, nervous or not. Hm, I wonder what I should wear …
I’ve read a bit in this book about working on one’s self esteem, “Självkänsla nu!” by Mia Törnblom, and I must say that some of it hurts to read. A lot of what she writes makes a lot of sense, even though I’ve always had a hard time applying this type of methods on myself. I mean, I might nod to myself when reading that one should write down positive things about oneself each day, or look oneself in the mirror saying “you’re pretty” or “you’re good just as you are” or whatever … but I can’t really see myself doing it, or believe that it would actually work for ME, you know? But when she writes stuff like how we’re sometimes afraid of being busted as fakes or how we, when we underestimate our own importance sometimes don’t realize that our thoughts or actions might hurt people who actually care about us, then that hurts. It’s too much to the point … too close to the things that I’ve been feeling, if you know what I mean? It’s eerie when someone puts words to one’s fears and feelings like that. I almost started crying when I read some of those things …
I had plans to do all sorts of useful things when I got home today, but I’ve done nothing. I went into town after work … got my watch fixed (for some reason the wrist band had gotten detached), walked through Haga into town, got a cute little box and some tea at Iems, and a really cute sewing box at Balders Hage, and a bag at Intersport … but that’s it. Nothing much. I wanted so buy so much at Balders Hage though … they have so many cute things! Makes one wish for a big, country side kitchen, as that’s where a lot of the stuff would fit perfectly… Speaking of shopping, I’ve got a list of things that I meant to order from Panduro but still didn’t … should get around to that soon, especially since I’m supposed to order some things for Sofus as well. Or perhaps I should first figure out how to keep some sort of order with the stuff that I already have? 
WIDGETIZE