On Alcoholism
Friday, 29. May 2009, 12:28:36
You know the problem with memory is, there's so much people need to forget!
So I went to the bottom of many a glass, and had a lllllook.
And I found that alcohol does indeed cause temporary memory loss. But once one comes out of the inebriation, memory hits twice as hard, because with every bit of alcohol consumed, you get smarter. Well, according to the Buffalo Theory.
When a herd of (North American) buffaloes gets hunted naturally, and starts running, the strong ones run at the front, and the weaker ones at the back. The weaker ones will be caught first, thus the group as a whole gets stronger. When you drink alcohol, some braincells die. These are naturally the weaker braincells. Ergo, you get smarter from drinking.
I also found that people going through painful experiences, turned to the bottom of many a bottle, not a glass. When going through an expensive divorce, forgetting the pain through alcohol is not really effective: the side effects are just too cumbersome. Before you know it, you'll be on the floor, either being beaten, pretend to beat someone else, or just rolling around in regurgitated booze and fast food. But with big enough troubles, the relief obviously seems worth this drawback.
So was my daddy right?
I don't think so. You can't blame an elephant for remembering his childhood foe! You can't blame a dog for not realizing it's its own tail that it's chasing!
When battling alcoholism, the first generally accepted step is accepting that you are addicted. I say this step is wholly unnecessary. Admitting you drink, is not the hard part. Because it's not the desire for the alcohol that keeps you drinking! It's the persistence of the problems that keep driving you drunk.
I suggest instead, to adopt the Dutch approach for drugs: make it free. Provide free alcohol to anyone who admits to have a drinking problem. This will take away one appeal of the drink ('I shouldn't, but...'), and it will alleviate the financial burden of a drinking problem. With money to spare, many problems can be solved, and thus the core of the drinking problem will evaporate.
A side effect of this approach is that ex-alcoholics will be near-geniuses once their alcohol dependency is relieved. This will make the world a better place indeed!
I am aware of the more complicated approach the Dutch have towards drugs; I was born in that country. You'll forgive me my slight generalization here, I'm just making a point.
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