In cold sweat

Monday, 2. June 2008, 21:29:06

I woke up this morning in cold sweat.. quite strange i may add.. anyway, as always my boyfriend is the first thing that comes to my mind:happy:..
i then started thinking about children; and how sad and alone it is for women that can't have children - infertility..

i felt their pain..
it then occured to me.. I got born again while in high school, and used to hold prayer meeting in small groups.. at one session we were speaking about our greatest fears;

some feared death, others having to loose any part of their body or senses.. the list is endless. anyhow, i was never one to share much of myself so surely i never mentioned in the group what my greatest fear was at the time..

ofcoz, i feared that i might never learn to love.. they didn't quite get me and even if i had explained, it would have just ended in a whole lot of questions i didnt want to answer.. but my actual greatest fear at the time was infertility. yes, a teenage girl oblivious of the real world fearing infertility?..
well, yeah! That fear haunted me for most of my high school years i may also add.. for whatever reason i couldn't get over the idea of not being able to have my own children - give birth..
Adoption, getting another woman to inserminate your husband's sperm, etc.. 'things people do!!'

anyhow, it's just not the same; and it's not even anywhere close..

well, it's not a fear anymore and at the moment i dont quite have a 'greatest fear'.. i even forgot that i once had such a fear.. right now i'm more on a content stage.. whatever comes and whatever doesn't.. you just make the best of it. (although i do kinda got a question mark to that statement i just made..)

i just hope that 'fear', never meant anything.. coz i do want children of my own.. i would like to be a mother someday..

Selfishnessmiss me

Comments

By Stomyr, # 2. June 2008, 23:13:14

First learn to touch fear, then love. You are learning to touch fear.

By zhouye.ah, # 3. June 2008, 01:57:04

Well with me,i feared firstly to fall in love with someone...But Eventually i falled..Then i feared to loose her...But Then i lost her....Now i fear to love someone else again.....

By Mainjailtrap, # 3. June 2008, 11:25:38

People always fear to loose love, love to forget fear. I think it's better to relax, there is a song called: relax, take it easy. In which there is an old woman telling her sad wedding story: lost my man, a bomb come to my eyes, etc. Try to find that song (with a old woman's solo, mika ). You won't keep fearing all the time after listening that i bet.

By zhouye.ah, # 3. June 2008, 13:43:04

Zhouye.Ah: Well i will try...By the way thanks for the song

By Mainjailtrap, # 3. June 2008, 17:49:52

First i see stormyr's comment and i

, and next zhouye's and i start thinking phylosophycal

and when i came to Mainjail i just started lmao (laughing my ass off)hehe.. sorry bro, not laughing at you.. your comment's quite cute. Now that you fear loving someone else.. we can all guess what's to be; don't you DARE fear losing them..

U been there, done that, got the t-shirt!

Thank you all for the contribution:smile:

By blcktear !, # 3. June 2008, 18:29:40

By Stomyr, # 4. June 2008, 22:02:51

By Mainjailtrap, # 5. June 2008, 09:14:41

I understand how you felt when younger* My toughest question to answer was: "What do you want to be when you grow up" because all I ever thought of was I wanted to be the best wife and mother possible. Now my 2 girls are grown 1 with my 3 grandchildren, but her husband is in the navy so I havn't even seen my youngest grandchild and my youngest is in college three thousand miles away, and my husband just passed. So now I fear my age and not seeing my kids and grandkids again, let alone finding a man! But we must go on through the rollercoaster of life* It's been a long time my friend, I missed ya! Keep those happy thought's* Lyn aka wildtazzmaa

By WILDTAZMAA, # 6. June 2008, 21:57:10

You will make a great mum some day

By cricketsounds, # 8. June 2008, 07:44:07

YES

I absolutely agree with cricketsounds

you "will" be an extrodinary mother; you are so full of love, joy, and compassion! By the way: what a beautiful and true saying you have on your blog page up top* Peace and joy to you always, Lyn

By WILDTAZMAA, # 8. June 2008, 08:31:21

thank you both.. hehe.. i'm almost feeling shy now

wildt.. that's nice of you - today i found out something about you:D and yeah.. that also was 'a' question i hated being asked.. only coz i never really knew.

everytime someone asked i had something different on my mind. anyhow:cheers:
and congratulations on your grandkids, although im not realy good on consoling?.. i guess i could just say 'you lived!'..; so don't worry yourself much.

only try to make it best for you..

cricket..

By blcktear !, # 8. June 2008, 12:24:05

Thank you much RE: grandkids

and just by saying "Try to make what's best for you" is consoling, thank you* Also actually some things have amazingly gotten better* peace to you!