Blcktear !

It's in the fear i let myself wade
the unconscious distraction to a soul
reasons and explanations i had
yet non rang true to the fear in my heart
i try to protect the ones i love
only to find i push them away
i am silenced, from my own disturbed thinking
and wish to live life as simple as i can
but i've pushed away my closest and dearest
i have hurt his heart and maybe closed it to myself
will he allow me in again
will he believe and trust in my words again
will he forgive, and take me back into his arms
do i have refuge in his heart
or have i destroyed the love i had
how do i tell him i'm sorry, when i have spoken those words so many times
do i get a chance to right what i have done wrong
and where do i start in doing so
i have been wrong in believing i can live alone
and he has been with me along it all
i have tried everyday, to pull myself from sleep
because i knew life in him
how do i say i'm sorry, when the words will probably not ring true to his ear
how do i apologize, for my imperfections
how do i say i'm sorry, for being selfish and stupid
how do i apologize, for breaking his heart
it was in the fear, that i let myself wade
and i am still scared, of what tomorrow bares
yet if one thing, i do not want to be alone through it
i do not want to be alone tomorrow, today
and only one person do i trust with my life
only one person do i trust with my insecurities and helplessness
do i still have a way into his heart
or have i shut myself out
and is it for now while he aches or is it forever
how do i say i'm sorry
and how do i ask for his hand back in mine
how do i say i'm sorry, today
what do i say to him