East Meets West

Hey lost little duck where are you at I wonder. Your blog has not changed much latley. Are you okay? The Johnny Depp pics have vanished! I got the release letter today from the school. It is the last paper I needed really. It frees me offically, with no problems when I transfer there.

Lately I am so bored with classes and my students and I think they are bored with me too. I have a policy or marking them absent if they are over 20 minutes late but I see some show up at like 18 minutes or 19 minutes late. Thinking it is okay because it is not 20. Today I told them they are absent. It is a 10:10 class and no reason to be there at 10:30 all the time. They seemed bothered and one girl just left later on the break. I think we are all burned out. I will finsih the book soon and will have a week or more with no material to discuss. This book is hard and boring for me to teach them.

I hope things in the ner future are better baby. I am know you are sad and worried by life. I will stand by you. No matter. For better or worse as we say. I know what a special person you are and how brave and kind. I Know you want to go work abroad. We can see what is possible for us. I am not sure the USA will be so good or easy a place. Visas can be hard and I have no assests or way to to show the govt guarantees. I worry about where to live there it is so expensive and I cannot rely on my family really. I do not want to go back like Sean did and wait over a year for you and spend thousands of dollars. I was wondering about Singapore in a weird way today. Or I wonder if I coud get a job in Australia :O But it seems impossible in a way. I wonder though. I wonder if I could do ESL in Europe and how much it would be to do that? And if you could come and do work too?

I was very confused for a long while. Mostly I was effected by my brother and his evil habbit. But in another hand I wonder what I should do to pass the rest of my life. I begin to consider going back to Nantong. Kunming is so pretty, nice weather, blue sky but I feel lonely here. I am so far away from my family. I wonder if I should move back to Nantong to take care of my parents. They really had hard time when they were young. Now they are older and and older. My dad will retire in 3 years. They will have no income anymore.
But still I have the dream of going out of this country, seeing other worlds. I grow here and never go out of it. Sometimes I am so chocked, so tired of my culture. Lost.

前所未有的抑郁彻底击跨了我，还是哥哥。这几天起床总觉得异常悲观，不知道为什么，而今天去看研三答辩时跟嫂子来往的几条短信揭示了谜底——原来哥哥又回去赌了，三天输掉700多块。我打电话过去他不愿多谈，我让嫂子去店里，又打给嫂子，然后还是忍不住的说起他来，我真的觉得很灰心，因为曾经以为有信仰的人是不同的，可到头来竟然没有什么不同甚至更糟。不过心底里我还是希望他真的能好起来，又跟YY聊了以后，稍微释然一些。
也许我把他和我的很多东西都搅乎在一起了，这不是很好。