Logical Next Step

It’s not right to laugh at other peoples misfortune, but sometimes we can’t help ourselves. As someone who has never been pregnant before all I can do is shake my head. I found these stories online.

1. Once when I was 9 months pregnant…I had the flu- I threw up out my nose, my mouth, I peed AND dirtied my undies all at ONCE!…I then cried because I couldn’t believe the only place I wasn’t leaking was my ears…

2. Once when I was pregnant, I had a complete hysterical meltdown… I dropped to my knees in the kitchen, shaking and sobbing uncontrollably…I cried so hard that I couldn’t breathe and no sound came out… I soaked through an entire roll of paper towels before I realized that I was hysterical because…

… I couldn’t peel a hard boiled egg.

3. Once when I was pregnant, I kicked my boss in the nuts

4. Once when I was pregnant, while squatting to get a book off a bookshelf, I sneezed. In my nightgown, wearing no panties. Peed on the floor. Forcefully.

5. Once when I was pregnant, I ran for the bathroom to pee. I pulled down my pants but my tiny maternity thong was barely visible with my HUGE tummy so I tinkled through my underwear.

6. Once when I was pregnant, I craved PayDay candy bars, had to have one every day. So after a couple of weeks, my husband went out and bought a package of about 10 of them. Seeing them in such a large quantity made me throw up. From then on I couldn’t stand the sight of them.

7. Once when I was pregnant, I was constantly sick. In the drive-thru line at a fast food place I jumped out of the car and threw up next to it.

8. Once when I was pregnant, I threw up in the bushes in front of KFC, then went in and had dinner.

9. Once when I was pregnant, I went into Braum’s absolutely starving, but desperately needing to use the bathroom. So I ran into the bathroom and the smell hit me. Someone had left a hideous stinky pile of poop in one of the two stalls. I tried to use the bathroom anyways, but the smell was overpowering. I sat down on the seat, then immediately had to stand up and puke into the pot, then sit down again. I couldn’t stop puking long enough to go, so I zipped up, ran outside, and puked everything I had onto the sidewalk. Then I went back in and told my husband he had to drive me to the nearest gas station QUICK to finish the other process. The smell from the bathroom was starting to spread through the store, so I was wretching all the way out the door.

10. Once when I was pregnant, with twins, I drank all that water you have to prior to an ultrasound. As soon as the last glass was finished I threw it ALL back up in the kitchen sink and peed all over the floor simutaniously.

11. Once when I pregnant, with my first son I had *major* constipation in the first trimester. One time I was on the pot for literally almost an hour and was just STUCK. Finally my husband came to do the door and asked me if I was ok. Now, I have a thing about having privacy when doing my business (he’s only ever seen me on the pot when I’m in labor). So I yell at him (PG hormones) to leave me alone. I finally do my thing, flush the toilet and I swear that poop was SO HUGE that it totally clogged up the toilet. I had to run and get the plunger! I plunged like 20 times and still it wouldn’t go down! Finally I had to ‘let it mellow’ (my husbands’ words) for a while before plunging again and it eventually made its way out to sea.

12. Once when I was pregnant, with my second son I was sick all the time. Once when I was changing my first sons poopy diaper, I started to puke and ended up puking into the trashcan in his room. Then the smell of the puke mixed with the smell of the poop made me puke again, this time on the floor, and at the same time I started peeing.

13. Once when I was pregnant, I threw up on my husband in bed. Got up, threw up some more in the toilet. My husband was too tired to get up and go clean up so I had to clean him up too.

14. Once when pregnant, about 8 1/2 months, I was driving to work and started to feel poopy. With traffic and because it was so early, I had a hard time finding a decent place to stop in a timely matter. Finally I found a McDonalds. The moment I was stepping out of my car, I felt the runny poo begin to escape. I ran at top 8 1/2 months pregnant speed to the bathroom, but still didn’t quite make it. I went and did my best to clean up, but they didn’t have paper towels, only a hand dryer. I ended up leaving my undies and tights in the trashcan and left without telling anyone.

15. Once when I was pregnant, my older son was being oh so sweet, when suddenly I threw up on him. Luckily, I missed. Went running to the toilet again.

16. Once when I was pregnant, with my first son, my husband and I visited relatives and spent the night at their home. The bed we slept in was pushed up against a wall and silly me slept next to the wall. That night I had to pee so bad, but I couldn’t wake my husband up to move so that I could get to the bathroom. So with my huge belly I started to climb over him, but the urge was to strong and I peed on my husband.
Needless to say, he woke up immediately and was so mad.

17. Once when I was pregnant, with my fist son, we lived in a town with a dog food factory right in the middle of town…(???) To get to my husband’s work, I had to drive right past it. In the heat of the summer, it made it smell soooo bad. So when I was at the stop lights, I would lean out the door and puke. I would see how fast I could drive without taking a breath… not good when you are pregnant.

18. Once when I was pregnant, I was sick all the time with my fist child. We were in the car on the way back from lamaze class and I started to get cold sweats and a hot flash. Then I started to feel queasy. I told my husband and he asked if I wanted him to stop. I said no, I think we can make it. Uhm, no. I puked 30 seconds later all over the car. My husband took off his shirt to help me clean up and he drove me to my inlaws. I got in the shower fully clothed.

19. Once when I was pregnant, my mom and sister took me to a sale at the local department store. I had the worst gas possible. Silent but very very deadly. We were half way through the store when I realized they weren’t shopping ‘fast’ … they were trying to get away from me!! I was almost 9 months pregnant at the time.

20. Once when I was pregnant, in the winter I craved shaved ice. I would use a spoon to scrape up the ’snow’ that was left at the bottom of our ice maker bin in the freezer. I used to do it when my husband was gone so he wouldn’t see me but one time he caught me, 8 months pregnant, bending over the freezer (it’s on the bottom of our fridge) with a spoon in the ice maker bin. I was SO embarrassed. I’m pretty sure he thought I was insane.