B.L.U.E

I've changed to http://brooksky2710.blogspot.com This blog can be viewed in both IE and Firefox.
See ya all there!

Last click will end everything, every subjects of this semester
Somehow, I feel this semester is kinda very different from the previous ones
Maybe because of the elective subjects and other factors
Is a brand new start after the naughty and tired semester 2
I think I found back the joy of studying thanks to the elective subject but will it last long when there's not elective subject anymore?

Anyway, 3 months ended
I found stress
I found lack of sleep
I found lack of energy
but I think the most important things that I found which make me never regret is
I found happiness, laughs and smiles

Spend time reading again those poems that I composed 2 years ago, I realize since 2008 until now I've been so different from that time
A brand new person
A brand new mind
And I'm totally happy with it

It was just a silly me to try to change things of me that never can change
It was due to one incident which I told Abu that I want to look different after having a hair cut 2 years back
And I clearly remember that she said the feeling that she has after having a hair cut is that seeing every hair of her falling down on the ground is like losing every pieces of her at that same time. The look is never the last destination to pursue. But instead, how we look at it is the most important. By that time, I started to look everything differently...
And what she wrote in the notebook that day was the sentences that changed my life, the sentences that I know even there are millions of thanks, I can never thank her enough...

I strengthened my strength, learned to accept my weakness
I looked back but didn't turn back
I started and keep reminding me not to give up
If anyone ever listen to 'Who I Am' of Ola Svensson will totally know how the feeling is when you realize that everything around you is changing and maybe part of yourself will do one day. A very personal song to me I can say.

Decisions are meant to be made and you've gotta fulfill them no matter what, no matter how. 'Cos it's the only way you can avoid hurting yourself or people deeper. Learn to be responsible for every single action, decision and word that have been made and said. Human is not a machine, I know. And I do know a lot of things will happen in between which make you hesitate and give yourself so many excuses not to do something. But believe me, if you're not that strict to yourself, you're stuck in the middle of nowhere.

In general, people are afraid to change and afraid to adapt to their new perception or more than that is their new concept of who they are
And they are afraid they make wrong decisions
All that will make a negative person remain a negative person no matter how they think they have tried
Even things are not changed but just the mind changes already can make a difference
Learn to do things that you never do before to seek for different angle of your view

Is like speeding on the street, when you feel the beat of the heart is increasing, when you feel insecure even it is hidden by the excited feeling. In the end, either low down the speed or keep going like that until you have accident is totally your choice.
Is like going in the worlds of people that you have no idea of, rockers, smokers, different religions, different cultures, sexuality or color tone, people who want to commit suicide, drunkers, losers, cruel people and etc... In the end, either go out of those world or stay is totally your choice

What are all those things meant for? Firstly, they are meant for putting yourself in situations that you can see clearly what you know and what you haven't known, what you feel and what you haven't felt, what you are afraid and what you are not...and secondly to make a choice. The matter of doing this is not about just making a choice but to let your mind approach things that you always see in your angle and let them challenge your heart, right at that time, decisions are there for you to make. Right at that moment, you can see as clear as you can never see before between losses and rewards, what you have and what you don't have. One can take a chance to go different way, and one thanks to this may know how to love and appreciate what he/she is having more. There is no eraser for you to rub your mistakes. And in those situations, you know that you always can make a choice even you may say you have no choice at all. Go back home, and have the same attitudes to some other small things, you will see yourself more decisive somehow.

In the end, if someone asks me how to change to be positive, I will probably say that I don't know
Because it's not just like 'today I'm negative, tomorrow I will surely become a positive person by doing this or that'
It's more than that, sacrifice, broken tears, lessons to learn, struggling, hurt and painful
It's never easy to be done
A process of changing your mind...
"Tomorrow, I'll smile over yesterday
Not fake, not reluctant nor pretending
A real smile that I'm pleased to have after all... "

I have plenty of notebooks
The 1st one that I had might be the one that I used to practice to write alphabets when I was small
The 2nd one might be the one that I used to write to practice grammar
Then I grow up...
So many notebooks that I don't remember the number of them anymore
Of course I used notebooks to write down everything I was taught during schools
With full of text and text
What do I remember about the notebooks that I had?
Nothing...

Then I started a notebook with a very ordinary cover and paper
It wasn't used to write
But for drawing instead
Which made a difference
The notebook that doesn't exist anymore
But I remember from time to time

Then I started a notebook with a very simple black cover
It was used to write
A notebook so-called Diary
Which includes a lot of feelings at that time
But for some reason, I stopped
And it lost

Recently, after a long time didn't use notebook for any more special purpose
I started another notebook
Which includes my thoughts and pictures
Or I can just say
They are memories that I want to keep
Luckily, it's still with me

I was given some notebooks
Some give me small notebook with cute covers and cute words inside
Some give me just a plain notebook with lines
Some give me notebooks with thoughts of them towards me
Surprisingly, I was given a notebook whose purpose is similar to my 1st special notebook
The only notebook that I receive from others
Which is meant for drawing...

Those are the notebooks which I remember until now
And just wanna add that
It is touching in some way if you ever have someone to support you to keep continue on the track that even you left behind...