and isn't it ironic, don't you think?

no idea...

done saying goodbye to Gram and Gramp.

at least i won't reproach myself for years to come about the coulda/shoulda/woulda matter.

there will always be this big empty void in me from now on... Gram is really gone... Gramp, i don't really remember much about him but he's really gone, too.

who will be in there spots in that temple way in the back? male/female? young/old, nice/mean person? sometimes i wonder...

there it was, that gold thing i bought for Gramp 8 years ago before we left, in the same vase, no one cared to take it off, no one cared who it was for... how longer will it stay there? again, i wonder...

what's next???

no idea...

so the training hell is over, here comes the reality hell.

on the brightside, it feels good to be on the opposite side of traffic, so glad that my day is over when other people's day just starts. welcome back to HELL.A.'s traffic, people. i'm going home to my cozy bed while you're stuck in traffic for at least another 2 hours.

Heath Ledger passed away, i didn't believe the news when i saw the headline, but he's gone. just like that. it feels so unreal. then again, not everyone who wants to die gets to die...you gotta be meant to die, that's the thing about your destiny. you don't know when it's your time. it could be any second, any minute, any hour, any day. you just don't know. yet you always take things for granted that you'll be alive the next day doing the same thing that you hate doing, or hating the fact that you're still alive.

and i hate that so much...why can't i be the one who decides when my time is?

"Not Ready To Make Nice" - DIXIE CHICKS

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

What it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

moving on is the hardest thing to do right now and i'm wondering why does this life just love to slap me right in the face repeatedly like this?

"life is a @#$%! and then you live", eh?

tới hôm nay mới nói chuyện được với V.B. vì lâu rồi ko nói chuyện với tên đó, mà mỗi lần nói chuyện với Maika, Maika đều nhắc tới V.B. này, V.B. kia, lần cuối mình nói chuyện với Maika, mình dặn Maika sau này có gặp V.B. lại (ở "1 trong 7 cái đám cưới còn lại của cái bàn đó" - nguyên văn của Maika)thì chửi cho tên đó giùm mình vì cái tội đưa email từa lưa, bị trả lại hoài.

nhưng hôm nay nói chuyện được, nên mình "sạc" cho 1 chập luôn rồi, mong là mai mốt Maika có gặp sẽ quên ko "sạc" cho thêm 1 chập nữa, nếu ko thì mai mốt có về gặp lại chắc là mình lãnh đủ.

vẫn nói chuyện tửng tửng như hồi ở quán cà fê. có điều tốt cho V.B. là chưa tới 30 đã lên chức "chỉ trỏ" rồi. giờ khỏi cần lo kế hoạch 6 năm nữa. vậy là hay rồi .

có bao giờ mình nghĩ là mình có thể ngồi nói chuyện với V.B. 1 cách vui vẻ như vậy... câu nói "you don't know what you got 'til it's gone" thấm thía ghê...

but then again, it's me, with tendency to mess things up more than i can fix them.

ko fải đi làm cuối tuần này tại uniform bị back order . nếu mọi việc suông sẻ tuần sau thì coi như đây là my last free weekend. nếu ko suông sẻ thì coi như là tiêu đời rồi . gotta go back to where i started all over again .

nhưng mà cửa này đóng thì cửa kia mở, mai được ngủ no giấc xong rồi dậy đi tham quan Palos Verdes Lighthouse .

vậy ko, sao mà khá nổi?

hôm qua đang trên đường về nhà, mp3 mở lên bài hát này. lâu lắm rồi ko nghe tới, tại vì lâu rồi ko fải ngồi trong xe lâu đến vậy, nên quên bẵng đi là chưa xóa nó đi. kẹt xe, trời mưa, ký ức ùn ùn quay về, có cần fải thảm như vậy ko?

mà ký ức là cái chi chi? những gì mình cố quên thì đột ngột quay về ko báo trước tiếng nào, trong lúc mình ko ngờ đến, rồi cứ ở lì, ko chịu ra đi?

lại thêm 1 tuần mới, mà ko có cái gì mới hết . i want my mummy

"Just Want You To Know" - BSB

Looking at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night

Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind
The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

All the doors are closing I'm tryin' to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day, the day you slipped away

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

That since I lost you, I lost myself
No I can't fake it, there's no one else

I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know