AoNikki

The term "personal statement" actually amuses me. Some said my essays sounded extremely sincere. I tended to agree with them - well, yes, this one and the first one were written personally, about non-fiction personal experience. But, but, actually, no "personal statement" that I have written would be more true and personal then the implication of this entry.

It came to the time when I lost the ability to trust. And like almost everybody, I had/have pretended. I didn't believe in him, me or us, when I said yes to him. I thought that it was a fair game - and it really was.

And I stopped bothering to speak, and stopped thinking that real emotions needed to be showed.It wasn't that I hadn't been loved. No, not that.

Things just, unfortunately, had been done in a reversed order.

Until one day, when I learned how to believe in something because it should have be believed in, not because every actually acted according to it. And although the shadow of the earlier days was still in me, I gave some certain people the privilege to be exceptional.

It's natural. I didn't realize that the process exists, until yesterday when I heard someone talking about someone else in school - about how he grew up hurt and damaged.

If someone did something terrible wrong to you without realizing it because they love you too much, should you blame them? Now, I'm old enough and have seen enough to not to trust their minds. But I trust their hearts. And I trust him too.

They know it - I let them know. They also know I don't trust that many people.