AoNikki

Every time I witness someone standing in front of the cafeteria, pouring left-overs from their plates into the gray plastic bins, I shiver. The sound of dry rice, meat bones, potatoes, and various other things falling onto each other remains in my mind as I'm there, still, looking at the medley of food and the hollow spot where stood my schoolmate just some seconds ago.

The food thrown away is no different from the food lying on my plate when I walk out of the queue with the familiar blue dining tray in my hands, and sit down at a table.

On my left, Tendai buries himself in a Stephen King's book, put on top of the tattered Bible he always carries. His right hand is still clutching the folks - not for the sake of eating, but to avoid the tedious idleness. "Hi, Cat." He lifts his eyes off the small-printed letters, lets his hand free from the silverware and reaches for some water.

Robert, sitting opposite, stirs the rice nonchalantly while Youkey, with her vegetarian portion, settles herself on my right side and starts praying, with her eyes close.

"How can you eat that?" Asks Robert smilingly.

"Huh?"

"Rice with nothing else. That's like... I don't know, maybe I can try to do that with Asian rice, but not with this kind of rice. It's horrible."

"Well, at least it's still something to eat."

"Not for human. No human can eat this kind of shit." Tendai suddenly decides to join the conversation.

"Humanness isn't defined by what you eat, you know?"

"But there are still certain things that cannot be associated with being human, and eating this is one." He raises his left hand and makes a gesture - just to quickly lowers it back to flip through the pages, trying to get back to where he was before. But the moves are too sudden that the book loses its balance and falls off the Bible's top.

I go on with the folks and knives, until what's left in front of me is an empty plate. But sitting there, in the yellow-light-lit room, I just cannot understand it. I can't understand how he can close his eyes, cross his fingers, thank God for the food given to him - and then throw it away right in the next moment.

I can never understand that.