How to Raise Children
Wednesday, 14. June 2006, 03:02:51
Parents need to learn how to use multiple points of view when raising children. True, you are the adult and they are the kids. True, you are older and they are younger. True, you know more and have experienced more than they. These facts give you many advantages regarding them but limit your point of view to a superior one.
In fact, they are growing up in a world that is different than the one you grew up in. The challenges they face, the problems they must overcome, and the dangers in their environment are not the ones that you faced when you were young.
So, learn how to relate to them in more open ways.
Give them opportunities to chose real outcomes, even if you think you know what they should chose. Talk it over and explain as best you can what your ideas are and ask them to explain what their ideas are. In this you treat them as equals.
Ask them for help with personal choices. What to wear, what to prepare for dinner, how to spend the weekend. These kinds of things put them in the driver's seat and let them feel 'grown up' and experience the consequences of their choices.
When you must act as the parent, do it in a supportive way. It is easy to criticize without providing true answers or directions. Accepts some rebelliousness from their growing personality as they test limits. But adhere to the limits anyway, in a loving way. If they have homework, then they must do it. Help them or get a tutor for them if they don't understand it. Don't allow them to fail.
Maintain work diaries of their school work that will keep you informed of their progress and learning difficulties. Don't harass the teachers about these problems. Solve them at home with more reading or tutoring to cover the topics in ways that suit your child. The teachers may not be able to do this, and it does no good to demand more from them.
Provide an area at home where they and their friends can go to do the homework together. Encourage your child to set up regular study groups to tackle the harder classes.
These skills: Writing study diaries for reviewing, and creating and using study groups - will be invaluable throughout their education.
Watch out for the killers. Drugs and promiscuous sex are world wide problems. They were in your day as well but the drugs are 'better' and the sex is more dangerous. They face synthetic drugs far more dangerous and addictive than the ones you faced. They face a population with higher percentages of HIV than you faced. They face a more sophisticated user and pusher population than you faced. These dangers will up-end any loving home-life if you are not aware of what is happening until it is too late. So, make sure you are aware of that environment. Don't use drugs yourself. Don't be promiscuous yourself. Don't be a hypocrite. As a last resort, be prepared to move to another place to save your children. If you need to move, to get them away from a situation that they can not get away from themselves, then do it sooner rather than later.
All the hard work that is done in the early years can be wasted if the young person choses to use drugs. All the dreams will be lost if the young person has to start raising a family too soon. All the hopes and dreams will be lost if the young person dies of AIDS.
Raise the children as if they were the hope of humanity. Love them as if they were the most important things in your universe. Guide them in ways that show the results of love and the consequences of fear.
In fact, they are growing up in a world that is different than the one you grew up in. The challenges they face, the problems they must overcome, and the dangers in their environment are not the ones that you faced when you were young.
So, learn how to relate to them in more open ways.
Give them opportunities to chose real outcomes, even if you think you know what they should chose. Talk it over and explain as best you can what your ideas are and ask them to explain what their ideas are. In this you treat them as equals.
Ask them for help with personal choices. What to wear, what to prepare for dinner, how to spend the weekend. These kinds of things put them in the driver's seat and let them feel 'grown up' and experience the consequences of their choices.
When you must act as the parent, do it in a supportive way. It is easy to criticize without providing true answers or directions. Accepts some rebelliousness from their growing personality as they test limits. But adhere to the limits anyway, in a loving way. If they have homework, then they must do it. Help them or get a tutor for them if they don't understand it. Don't allow them to fail.
Maintain work diaries of their school work that will keep you informed of their progress and learning difficulties. Don't harass the teachers about these problems. Solve them at home with more reading or tutoring to cover the topics in ways that suit your child. The teachers may not be able to do this, and it does no good to demand more from them.
Provide an area at home where they and their friends can go to do the homework together. Encourage your child to set up regular study groups to tackle the harder classes.
These skills: Writing study diaries for reviewing, and creating and using study groups - will be invaluable throughout their education.
Watch out for the killers. Drugs and promiscuous sex are world wide problems. They were in your day as well but the drugs are 'better' and the sex is more dangerous. They face synthetic drugs far more dangerous and addictive than the ones you faced. They face a population with higher percentages of HIV than you faced. They face a more sophisticated user and pusher population than you faced. These dangers will up-end any loving home-life if you are not aware of what is happening until it is too late. So, make sure you are aware of that environment. Don't use drugs yourself. Don't be promiscuous yourself. Don't be a hypocrite. As a last resort, be prepared to move to another place to save your children. If you need to move, to get them away from a situation that they can not get away from themselves, then do it sooner rather than later.
All the hard work that is done in the early years can be wasted if the young person choses to use drugs. All the dreams will be lost if the young person has to start raising a family too soon. All the hopes and dreams will be lost if the young person dies of AIDS.
Raise the children as if they were the hope of humanity. Love them as if they were the most important things in your universe. Guide them in ways that show the results of love and the consequences of fear.
WIDGETIZE