The Uncouth

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We
find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack
Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in
an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of
Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced
six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt,
and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe
Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living
with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known
as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a
high school dropout.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son
with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were
inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens
brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the
newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He
recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa
Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct
them.


Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt