The Uncouth

Blonde Joke


A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."








Blonde's car keys


One day a husband was chiding his beautiful blonde wife about leaving her keys in the ignition of her car.

"If I take them out of the car I lose them," she reasoned.

"Yes dear, but what if someone steals your car?" the husband countered.

"Oh that's okay," the wife chirped happily, "I keep a spare key in the glove box!"







A Blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

"What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."







A blonde walks into a barber shop one day and asks the man if she can get her hair cut. The man says "Well ma'am, I can't cut your hair with those head-phones on. You're going to have to take them off."

She shakes her head vigorously and replies "No, if I take them off, I will die." the man didn't believe so he ripped them off of her head. She fell to the floor and died.

He was extremely surprised and picked up the head-phones.

All he heard was "Breathe in, breathe out, breath in...."






Blonde on bus


A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked,
"Honey, are you feeling all right?"

"Not really," the blonde replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the bus."

"Poor dear," Mom said. "Why didn't you ask someone to switch seats for a while?"

"I wanted to...but I couldn't," she replied, "the whole bus was empty."
















A blonde is on her honeymoon when her new husband asks, "baby am I your first?"
She replied "Why does everyone always ask me that?
YES!"