Tapping Away in the Middle of the Night

It's Funny to Me ...

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Sticky post

Screaming Obscenities at Passers-By (The Sticky Post)

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How's it going? smile

Some of you out there might be asking, "Why doesn't this guy update his Blog?" Then you might launch into an irrational rage, punching wildly at the air. Screaming obscenities at passers-by, you might even wonder just why it is that - every time you visit - you see the same damn page ... bigeyes

If that's the case then it's time to switch to decaf wink because I do update ... but you have to scroll down a bit to see it; what you're seeing here is a 'Sticky Post'.

For those of you who don't know what that means (I know you're out there, for I once wandered among you as one also befuddled by Blogging terminology inimical to the uninitiated), it means that you'll see this post every time you visit http://my.opera.com/clean/

But the updates are just below ...

Just thought I'd let you know what was going on, in case you were getting all confused.

It happens. smile

(Psst! That's your cue to scroll down now!)



Oh, by the way ... an excellently-written article about online friendships can be found here. If you've never left a comment on my blog in your life but want to go for the ol' friend request, please read it first. Thanks. smile

SOME OF MY SHORT STORIES
Clean

Why can't he stop washing his hands?

And will it do him any good in the end?


Bad Coffee

Bad coffee will be the death of him


Spare Ribs

Even with his chest blown open

he had to act to save the child


Reading by Red Light

From his reading a

vampire comes up with

the 'ultimate' idea


Strange Behaviours

Co-written with Brad Mengel


Rotten Luck

Being buried alive

was only the beginning


Zoo

Crikey!


Canoodler's Comeuppance

Inspired by a Hungry Ghost!


Sway

The bus trip from hell with

the quoting psychotic!


Pukka Tukka

A thoroughly distressing recipe


Picking a Winner

Go on ... pick it!


The Itch

A scratchy little

Six Word Story


Pâté

Mmm ... yummy!

Six Word brain food!


Oh, the Urbanity

Awful offal in a

Six Word Story!


Offensive Content

Do ya really wanna know?

Fourteen words'll tell ya!


Foetor

Nineteen Phwoar Words!


It Shouldn't Have Happened
to a Vet


With Apologies to

James Herriot


All the Days of Our Lives

A man takes the phrase

'good lookin' out'

way too far


Suffocative

Gasp!

A stifling six words!


Let Them Eat Cake

Six word sickness


Headlines

Ahead of his time


Inanymity

The secret life of ... stuff


Point of View

It all depends on it


By the Chimney with Care

Christmas horror!


Having Writ

Spooky notes


Life Turned 'Round

Three witches show a man that

even in death

he has a second chance


Give the Man a Hand

A pipe to live in

a jacket to keep warm in

and death


Insomnia2

Would even the

final sleep

be denied him?


Come In, Spinner

Mummy said spiders

would kill him

but little Jimmy

knew better


Bear With Me

A child imbues

his stuffed toy

with a life of its own

or was it there

all along?


The Message

Computer-related horror


Crack, Shatter and Plop

It could happen to you!


Talkback

An eerie caller

on breakfast radio


Sidestep

A man steps between worlds


Roaches

Weird compassion

proves a man's undoing


A Little Pressure

When the dentist

is too expensive


The Famished

Tasty? Smooth?

Six Word Sushi!


The Red Pool

Six Word sloshing!

Wear Wellies!


Gobsmacked

Six words

straight to the point!


The Big Fling

Fifteen-Word flinging

and responsible pet ownership?


Dolourous

An' it please you


ZZZ

Anyone else tired?


A Close Shave

An extreme solution

to the five o'clock shadow


Sympathetic Ears

A man desperate for

someone to tell

his problems to


At Present

A final, unintended, gift


Written in the Sand

Desert horror


Thank You, Mr Weinberg

Mother to her own sister ...







Interested in Losing 11.00 kg (24.25 lbs/1.73 Stone) in 6 Months and 5 Days?



Go for a fucking walk!



That's right, using Clean's Going for a Fucking Walk method, you, too can lose those extra kilos (or pounds)!

Clean did it! Just ask him!

"Well, Clean, it all started on Tuesday, the 9th of November, 2012, when I had to walk a couple of kilometers into town to get a blood test to check out my cholesterol. At that point, I weighed 131.00 kg (288.81 lbs/20.63 Stone). I got there, got my blood vampired, then walked home. Round trip total: 2 km (1.242 miles). And I was stuffed! I was rooted! Moreover, I'd found something Id never found before - pain in the ball and socket joints connecting my femurs to my pelvis! That's right, they actually ached!"

"Well, I figured it must've been a sign, what, with walking such a pathetic distance and ending up in pain and thoroughly exhausted ... so I decided to go walking every day!"

"I started at a measly 1.3 km (0.81 miles) up to the local shop and back. But - over time - I expanded, adding a block every month or so, until today, 6 months (and a smidge) later, I'm regularly walking 2.80 km (1.74 miles), uh ... mostly every morning! And I plan to expand to roughly 5.00km a day (eventually)."

"Since I started, I've walked a total of 320.00 km I wouldn't have walked if I hadn't started!"

"Thanks to my new Going for a Fucking Walk program of exercise, I've lost an average of 1.83 kg (4.04 lbs/0.29 stone) a month! I'm still a tubby bugger, but it took 20 years to stack on, so it'll take some time to get rid of! Still, I'm not aching all the time, and I seem to have a little more energy!"



There you have it, ladies and gentlemen! At this rate, Clean hopes to be 110 kg by Christmas, 100 kg my the middle of 2014 and 90 kg by Christmas of that year! All thanks to Going for a Fucking Walk!

What will come next? We asked Clean, but he was, as ever, incomprehensible and silly.

"Maybe I'll get into Clean's Lay Off the Fucking Chips, or Clean's Don't Have All That Bread With That! Who can tell?"

Clean's Going for a Fucking Walk is inspired by Stephen Fry, who lost weight by walking.






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