Spamageddon
Tuesday, 2. June 2009, 03:18:42
Inspired by Mik's recent spam-related post, I thought I'd have another go at a sarcastic reply to a crap email:
"Carlos Cooke" (teliszi@algonquincollege.com) wrote to me:
US $ 159.95 Viagra 100mg x 90 pills buy now
Come at the moment
I replied:
Dude,
Enough with the spam. I'm downloading mailwasher. Fuck it.
I don't need Viagra, replica watches, fake degrees, russian brides, millions of dollars from dirt poor african nations, dong embiggening produce, nor anything else you can think of, either.
And even if I did, just look at what you're trying to sell! 90 Viagra! 90 pills would give a person a boner for a fucking year!
If that was me I'd have trouble fitting through doors! I'd turn into a fucking coat rack when I wasn't having sex! If I was in porn, they could use my dong as a camera stand when I wasn't in a scene. The fluffers would have an easier time sucking on a pick axe handle. How disruptive would that be?
You can see your spam is causing all sorts of problems for people, can't you?
Consider: You don't really wanna piss off the fluffers. Can you imagine if a fluffer suddenly went psycho? Fluffer vengeance is akin to some sort of biting satire. Well, it involves biting, anyway, I'd suspect.
To fit in, I'd have to invent a time machine and go back in time to that Batman movie where he shot the cable out of the Batmobile to help him turn a corner, only it'd be my dong the cable would be shot into. You don't want my dong to have a cable in it, do you?
No.
And what about the time stream?
If my dong had a cable in it, the Batman movie we're talking about would be R-Rated, and it wouldn't be seen by as many people and therefore wouldn't lead to other - shittier - Batman movies, which wouldn't ultimately lead to the really good ones we enjoy today.
So ... your spam isn't just pissing off fluffers, it's fucking up the time stream!
God damn!
You're destroying the entire universe!
And where's all that Viagra supposed to go then, eh? That's right ... it'll just float around in the void. And a new universe won't be able to form from an infinitesimally small point because there won't be any infinitesimally small points anymore because the void will be saturated with embiggening Viagra!
You've fucked up future universes, too!
That's a heavy burden to put on one man, but I think you're old enough to know the truth by now.
Thanks,
David.
(47%)
WIDGETIZE
Kitty # 2. June 2009, 05:19
*giggles*
"Come at the moment..."
Oh dear... that was such a nice morning laugh!
David Scott Aubrey # 2. June 2009, 05:52
Santa Furie # 2. June 2009, 07:37
Angeliki # 2. June 2009, 12:35
thanks David,
"You're destroying the entire universe!"
DrLaunch # 2. June 2009, 14:09
But fighting email spam is futile as long as ISP's allow anonymous email to be sent and people are stupid enough to actually buy in to this shit.
Santa Furie # 2. June 2009, 14:18
Cois # 2. June 2009, 20:23
David Scott Aubrey # 2. June 2009, 22:56
'Penis Grapple'.
Angeliki,
Glad you enjoyed it.
Dr,
Very true. I can't figure out why we - i.e., everyone on the internet - can't have a whitelist of people we actually want to receive mail from, and the rest of it is automatically bounced back to where it came from. That'd put a stop to spam PDQ.
Mik,
Yep. Randall did it up for me, but it broke real good when the latest round of changes hit. At some point in the future I might actually study CSS and see if I can do something. But - for some reason - for me, CSS is like filling in official paperwork: It makes my brain fuzzy and hurt. Don't know why (because the basic stuff isn't that difficult).
Cois,
Feel free! Change the name, of course. Otherwise they'll think you're someone named 'David'.
Santa Furie # 2. June 2009, 23:37
If you still have the code I can probably whip you up something similar using the same images.
David Scott Aubrey # 3. June 2009, 00:01
However ...
When I was changing the theme back to the basic one, it wasn't working for some reason. The two kind of bled into one another. Logical solution ... ? 'Don't use my custom CSS' and delete the entire folder from my Opera files so the files couldn't be found.
In the words of the Internet:
I wonder ... if I found a cached version of my blog on Google and saved it, would the .CSS file/s in there be what's required?
Failing that, I could always ask Randall if he still has a copy of it all (more than likely, given he displays the different themes on his blog). I loved it, myself! It just had an incompatibility with the latest updates one too many times ...
Thanks, Mik!
David Scott Aubrey # 3. June 2009, 00:03
Santa Furie # 3. June 2009, 02:43
You never know, Randy may even apply the images to the new template he's creating. He'll be after some test subjects.
David Scott Aubrey # 4. June 2009, 00:19
r♡se # 5. June 2009, 16:52
David Scott Aubrey # 5. June 2009, 22:37