Saturday, 8. August 2009, 10:35:27
spam, sarcastic, humor, humour
...
From: "Some Wanker <somewanker@somewankyphishingaddress.com>
To: Me
Subject: Cute watches for people who like nice things.
You are lucky enough to live in the epoch of elegant designer watches that are affordable to everybody So take advantage of the time you are living in and go shop for the watch of your dream.
Is that the epoch I'm living in?
My kingdom for a TARDIS ... 
Tuesday, 2. June 2009, 03:18:42
facetions replies to spam, spam, facetious reply, humour
...
Inspired by Mik's recent spam-related post, I thought I'd have another go at a sarcastic reply to a crap email:
"Carlos Cooke" (teliszi@algonquincollege.com) wrote to me:
US $ 159.95 Viagra 100mg x 90 pills buy now
Come at the moment
I replied:
Dude,
Enough with the spam. I'm downloading mailwasher. Fuck it.
I don't need Viagra, replica watches, fake degrees, russian brides, millions of dollars from dirt poor african nations, dong embiggening produce, nor anything else you can think of, either.
And even if I did, just look at what you're trying to sell! 90 Viagra! 90 pills would give a person a boner for a fucking year!
If that was me I'd have trouble fitting through doors! I'd turn into a fucking coat rack when I wasn't having sex! If I was in porn, they could use my dong as a camera stand when I wasn't in a scene. The fluffers would have an easier time sucking on a pick axe handle. How disruptive would that be?
You can see your spam is causing all sorts of problems for people, can't you?
Consider: You don't really wanna piss off the fluffers. Can you imagine if a fluffer suddenly went psycho? Fluffer vengeance is akin to some sort of biting satire. Well, it involves biting, anyway, I'd suspect.
To fit in, I'd have to invent a time machine and go back in time to that Batman movie where he shot the cable out of the Batmobile to help him turn a corner, only it'd be my dong the cable would be shot into. You don't want my dong to have a cable in it, do you?
No.
And what about the time stream?
If my dong had a cable in it, the Batman movie we're talking about would be R-Rated, and it wouldn't be seen by as many people and therefore wouldn't lead to other - shittier - Batman movies, which wouldn't ultimately lead to the really good ones we enjoy today.
So ... your spam isn't just pissing off fluffers, it's fucking up the time stream!
God damn!
You're destroying the entire universe!
And where's all that Viagra supposed to go then, eh? That's right ... it'll just float around in the void. And a new universe won't be able to form from an infinitesimally small point because there won't be any infinitesimally small points anymore because the void will be saturated with embiggening Viagra!
You've fucked up future universes, too!
That's a heavy burden to put on one man, but I think you're old enough to know the truth by now.
Thanks,
David.
Thursday, 12. March 2009, 08:19:04
spam, scammer, humour, fun
...
Friend Only post here.
And something to make this post more than just a post that says, "Friend's Only Post" ...
Received on my via my gmail:
Hello,
hey how are you doing ? get back to me as soon as possible when you read my mail because i found a great offer on the internet and you should not miss this. I discovered a free medicine shop. I just paid for shipping and they sent my medicines in 3 days. You must check them out before this promotion ends. Here is their address :
http://www.removedforbeingacrappyspammerswebsite.com
see you later
bye
My response:
Oh, my God! I'm fairly piddling in the air with excitement! That you'd think of widdling ole me for such a thing is nothing short of mind-fucking! The very notion that I could save the time, expense and peace of mind of going to my certified medical professional for legally-dispensed prescriptions from someone who knows what they're on about (to say nothing of the professionals who actually dispense the proper medications at my local chemist) by getting fuck-knows-what-if-anything from a spam link, instead, is so awesome that it's liable to render me permanently drooling with the warm, flowing saliva of ga ga-ity! In fact, I'm so plotz-oriented after all this, I'm now physically incapable of actually visiting the link!
Oh, well ... easy come, easy go.
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